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Sir Hair Horns

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Babystart FertilMate Scrotum Cooling Patch 32-Pack
Babystart FertilMate Scrotum Cooling Patch 32-Pack
Offered by All Day Pharmacy
Price: 37.49

11 of 12 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Hot Knackers?, 31 Aug 2012
Just the thing for cooling your tads on a hot summer's day. Don't let your apricots dangle in the breeze, slap on the fertilmate, adjust the knotted hanky on your head and lie back in your deckchair.


Un Chien Andalou / L'Age d'Or [DVD]
Un Chien Andalou / L'Age d'Or [DVD]
Dvd ~ Pierre Batcheff

2 of 10 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Dear God!, 29 Nov 2010
Good God. I Hope you've got a strong stomach. I was expecting a few Salvador Darley-type melting clocks, and what do I get? I'll tell you what I got - 16 minutes of gratuitous filth. Ants? Dead donkeys!? And then, to cap it all, a sliced-up eyeball!!

Don't watch it after your tea, like I did. I'm not going to be able to look a plate of mince and beans in the eye for months, I'm telling you.

Shame on you Mr Director. I don't pay my licence fee for this sort of rubbish.

HORNS RATING: Is is possible to give a zero?
Comment Comments (6) | Permalink | Most recent comment: May 14, 2013 2:25 PM BST


Pulp Fiction (2 Disc Collector's Edition) [DVD] [1994]
Pulp Fiction (2 Disc Collector's Edition) [DVD] [1994]
Dvd ~ John Travolta
Offered by WorldCinema
Price: 3.99

5 of 51 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars What a mess!, 8 Oct 2010
Stop trying to be clever, Mr Tarantino. No really, this film is a mess. This is what happens when you run out of time and talent.

I mean Johnn Travolta dies half way through and then pops up at the end.

Christopher Walken appears mumbling something about having a watch up his back passage.

Oomer Thermos dances like Batman, takes some drugs, dies and then doesn't.

Bruce Willis from Die Hard meets a man in a leather suit who lives in a box, and then murders everyone in a gay bar, except a big black fellow who is spared for some unexplained reason.

Throughout, there is a lot of padding about cheeseburgers and the like and quite a bit of foul language.

A case for a competent editor if ever there was one.

Horns rating: 1 out of 5
Comment Comments (6) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Aug 1, 2014 10:15 AM BST


Apocalypse Now [1979] [DVD]
Apocalypse Now [1979] [DVD]
Dvd ~ Martin Sheen
Offered by DVD Overstocks
Price: 6.47

4 of 41 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Not as good as you think it is, 8 Oct 2010
This review is from: Apocalypse Now [1979] [DVD] (DVD)
It's a game of 2 halves - one good and one I'd wish I'd switched off after 25 minutes. All that stuff with Mervin Brandon in the dark talking rubbish. He should have ended it on a high, with the helicopter scene and the village being napalmed. Always end on a high, Mr Copperler, that's what the people want. Not lots of muttering and a cow getting its head chopped off to guitar music.

Doesn't smell much like victory to me.

Horns rating: 2 out of 5.
Comment Comments (10) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Mar 4, 2012 1:04 AM GMT


All Quiet On The Western Front [DVD]
All Quiet On The Western Front [DVD]
Dvd ~ Richard Thomas
Price: 5.44

1 of 9 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars 70% recommended, 8 Oct 2010
70% of the time this is a maxim-gunning, rib snorter of a boys own adventure. The rest of the time it's boring twaddle. Personally I'm waiting for the director's cut to thin out some of the nonsense and filler scenes.

I can't help but think that the director is trying to make a point in this film but can't quite decide what it is.

Horns rating: 3 out of 5.
Comment Comment (1) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Dec 5, 2013 3:34 PM GMT


Lawrence of Arabia - Two Disc Set [DVD]
Lawrence of Arabia - Two Disc Set [DVD]
Dvd ~ Peter O'Toole
Offered by admediauk
Price: 12.73

0 of 11 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Quite good really., 8 Oct 2010
Lawrence Arabia - what a stupid name. Well, at least there's some war scenes in it, mind it come with the territory when you're in Arabia. I wasn't sure about Alec Guinness in it and I must have fallen asleep in the bit where he tries to save the bridge from the commandoes.

Some scenes just made no sense. I mean, what was all that stuff in the Turkish prison about? Why didn't Mr Arabia stand up for himself?

Anyway. it's a man's film about man's things. And that's the way I like it.

Horns rating: a mainly turgid 4 out of 5.


Sharpe's Rifles/Sharpe's Eagle [DVD] [1993]
Sharpe's Rifles/Sharpe's Eagle [DVD] [1993]
Dvd ~ Sean Bean
Offered by A ENTERTAINMENT
Price: 4.49

0 of 3 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Sharpe's Triumph, 8 Oct 2010
Yet more splendid swashbuckling action from the guvnor Seen Been. This episode finds him in the backwoods of Pennsylvania fighting the Aztecs, in his quest to find Deirdre, the heiress to the Halibut millions. Accompanied as ever by his faithful dog Tonto and a ragbag of mercenaries from Africa. How can the scene where he radios "this is Broadsword calling Danny Boy" in an effort to get help, not fail to move you to tears? I won't ruin the end but Tonto saves the day with usual aplomb and gets the girl.

Episode 2 was something to do with zombies. I gave it a miss.

Horns rating: 3 out of 5


Van Damme Six Pack Collection (Derailed/The Order/In Hell/Second In Command/Wave Of Death/The Shepherd) [DVD] [2008]
Van Damme Six Pack Collection (Derailed/The Order/In Hell/Second In Command/Wave Of Death/The Shepherd) [DVD] [2008]
Dvd ~ Jean-Claude Van Damme

3 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Simply Magnificent, 8 Oct 2010
I've just overdosed on splendour.

Horns rating: 5 out of 5 (times 6)


Casablanca [1942] [DVD]
Casablanca [1942] [DVD]
Dvd ~ Humphrey Bogart
Price: 5.13

1 of 52 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars A classic!!!???, 8 Oct 2010
This review is from: Casablanca [1942] [DVD] (DVD)
Not only is it black & white but he doesn't even say "play it again, Sam".

How can you set a film in the war and not have any war scenes? It'd be like having Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with no bloody chocolate or factory for that matter.

Potential viewers be warned there's lots of talking and not much else.

Play it again, Sam? Not on my telly.

Horns rating: 2 out of 5
Comment Comments (3) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Dec 5, 2013 3:28 PM GMT


Downfall (2 Disc Edition) [DVD] [2005]
Downfall (2 Disc Edition) [DVD] [2005]
Dvd ~ Bruno Ganz
Offered by DVD Overstocks
Price: 6.00

11 of 215 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Quite poor really, 13 Sep 2010
I got Downfall out on DVD. About Hitler, I thought, Nazis are always good value.
It's in bloody German!! With bloody subtitles!! I don't expect to have to read a film! Christ Almighty! If I want to have a read I'll pick up the latest James Patterson or Tom Clancy.

Plus, they portray Hitler as a complete raving lunatic, biting lumps out of the furniture You don't manage to bloody well invade Poland and exterminate half of Europe whilst being a Grade A mentalist. Let's be reasonable. I expected a bit of historical accuracy especially as it was a German film. You'd think they'd want to do justice to their most famous leader. And while we're on historical accuracy - Berlin surrounded by the Russians!? No mention of us or the Americans. We didn't divide Berlin up for the fun of it.

And where were the battle scenes? All that fighting going on and just about all of the film is in some dingy bunker somewhere or other. You can clearly see that the producer wanted to cut down on costs - let's just have a few rooms with no windows means no scenery and no extras

At the very least I expected some battles a la Cross of Iron and may be some sardonic humour like in Kelly's Heroes, but no, all we get is half a dozen Germans gibbering away for 2 hours under a 40 watt light bulb.

HORNS RATING - 1 out of 5.
Comment Comments (46) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Jul 8, 2014 9:09 PM BST


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