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Johnny Coconuts (UK)

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Grand Theft Auto V (PS4)
Grand Theft Auto V (PS4)
Price: £44.00

7 of 101 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Grand Theft...Intellectual Property, 18 Nov 2014
This title has stolen audio, graphics, gameplay, story and artwork from an existing game of the same name that has been available for over a year now on both the XBOX360 and PS3. I think soon they'll be taken to court for this blatant plagiarism.

Love,
The Mighty Sir Johnny of Coconuts (All Hail the King).
Comment Comments (6) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Nov 27, 2014 9:39 AM GMT


Grand Theft Auto V (Xbox One)
Grand Theft Auto V (Xbox One)
Price: £42.99

6 of 46 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Grand Theft...Intellectual Property, 18 Nov 2014
This title has stolen audio, graphics, gameplay, story and artwork from an existing game of the same name that has been available for over a year now on both the XBOX360 and PS3. I think soon they'll be taken to court for this blatant plagiarism.

Love,
The Mighty Sir Johnny of Coconuts (All Hail the King).
Comment Comments (10) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Nov 24, 2014 8:31 PM GMT


Xbox One Console with Halo: The Master Chief Collection
Xbox One Console with Halo: The Master Chief Collection
Price: £329.00

15 of 135 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars XBone + Halo 2, 11 Nov 2014
10 years ago, one could buy an ugly big black box and play Halo 2 on it. Today, you can do exactly the same thing. This is cutting edge stuff.
Comment Comments (12) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Nov 16, 2014 10:37 AM GMT


The Last Of Us Remastered - Day 1 Edition (PS4)
The Last Of Us Remastered - Day 1 Edition (PS4)

0 of 31 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars The Last Of Us, 12 Aug 2014
The Last Of Us is a good film..which is a shame, because I wanted to play a game.
Comment Comments (5) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Aug 15, 2014 2:02 AM BST


Call of Duty: Ghosts (PS4)
Call of Duty: Ghosts (PS4)
Price: £29.99

1 of 9 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Doesn't cater for peaceniks, 27 Dec 2013
= Fun:1.0 out of 5 stars 
I am disappointed in this children's video game as I was lead to believe that it had a pacifist setting which would allow the protagonist to win the game using peaceful solutions rather than killing anyone like you know wot Doctor Who sometimes does. Unfortunately such a setting does not exist hence my disappointment.


Doctor Who: The Day of the Doctor - 50th Anniversary Special [DVD]
Doctor Who: The Day of the Doctor - 50th Anniversary Special [DVD]
Dvd ~ Matt Smith
Price: £5.99

0 of 28 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Pantomime Dross, 19 Dec 2013
Yet again Little Miss Moffat follows in Gayvis' footsteps and panders to the usual demographic of emotionally retarded teenagers and illiterate U.S. citizens. The Day of the Doctor was representative of the brain-dead low-grade catchphrase based sitcom that Doctor Who has become. It was a festival of Tennant and Smith being attention seeking shouty morons all to the backing of an overbearing musical score - everything that an early pubescent teenage girl requires to make her 'giney tickle whilst alienating anyone with half a brain cell. R.I.P. Doctor Who - 1963 - 2005.

Edit : Despite all the horrible things I just said, I though Ken Bones' portrayal of Vince Cable in the Gallifreyan War Room was fantastic.
Comment Comments (2) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Mar 5, 2014 5:23 PM GMT


The Last Of Us (PS3)
The Last Of Us (PS3)
Offered by xam80
Price: £23.49

14 of 93 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars It's a Pretty Good Film, 14 Dec 2013
= Fun:1.0 out of 5 stars 
This review is from: The Last Of Us (PS3) (Video Game)
The Last of Us is a pretty good film, which is a shame because I wanted to play a game.
Comment Comment (1) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Feb 24, 2014 8:42 AM GMT


Xbox One Console with Kinect
Xbox One Console with Kinect
Price: £389.86

7 of 65 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Boned by the XBone..., 24 Nov 2013
= Fun:1.0 out of 5 stars 
"Ohhh Ohhh!!! How fantastic!!! Jolly good show!!! 5 stars all round!!! Thanks Mr Microsoft you are so nice to us all for taking only £420 from us mere underlings in exchange for this holy grail...please, please, please, kick me in the face again! I am ever so loyal and so very compliant to your teachings! Kick Me! kick Me!"

Ermm..no. Why don't you all roll over such that M$ and Phoney can tread all over the other side of your face? To all those of such an ilk, please stop it - you are the people responsible for driving down the quality of these products to even further unchartered depths with your misplaced enthusiasm, unconditional 5 star reviews and baffling loyalty towards these faceless corporations no matter what they elect to poo out and sell to you for half your monthly income.

The XBone had to be pretty spectacular to make me forget having fallen victim to RROD [See Note 1. below] *TWICE* on previous versions of this product, but instead what I find myself faced with is a big black kick in the face nothing more aesthetically pleasing than a 1980s VHS player and nothing more or less functional than an XBOX 360 slim (the nice shiny black one that you didn't need to wrap in a towel for 180 minutes just to get the bloody thing to start up).

Now, I am lead to believe through discussion with more enthusiastic gaymers [See Note 2. below] that should I elect to leave a review of this tone I shall be accused of being a "PS fanboy" [See note 3. below] - but no need to worry on this front. I am sure I shall be offering an equally hostile "review" [see note 4 below] when Phoney releases their next undercooked product.

But then I am told on consultation with the same group of enthusiastic gaymers that should I identify myself on a forum such as this as someone who doesn't like either the XBone or the Phoney PS4 then the gayming community will retaliate by identifying me as a "troll" [see note 5. below]. To which I respond I am simply someone who demands high quality consumer electronics, and the XBone misses the mark.

This was the final straw for me and I now as a result of this constant bombardment of low quality products announce my retirement from gayming. I recommend you all do the same and read some books. Recent titles I have purchased from Amazon and can recommend are:

A Brief History of Time - Stephen Hawking
Relativity : The Special and the General Theory - Albert Einstien
Mr Tompkins in Paperback - George Gamow

All of which are much more elightening (and indeed, entertaining) than spending hours at a time locked in your bedroom pretending to be a fairy or a goblin on your XBone.

Good Luck!

[Note 1.] That's what you cool kids call it right? RROD?
[Note 2.] That's what you kids call yourselves right? gaymers?
[Note 3.] I hope I'm using the right terminology here? Sorry I'm not really into the sub-culture that encompasses Gayming, One Direction and Skateboarding so I'm not sure if my use of semantics here is accurate?
[Note 4.] That's what you kids do right? put quotes around the word "review" all the time? I don't really understand it myself - doesn't appear gramatically correct to me - maybe it's something One Direction or NDubz did once and now you think it's cool.
[Note 5.] Not sure what a "troll" is - all that I can gather is that this is a term used by internet communities to refer to anyone more intelligent and articulate than themselves that hold an oposing view.
Comment Comments (6) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Nov 11, 2014 6:58 PM GMT


Microsoft Licensed Kinect Sensor TV Mounting Clip (Xbox 360)
Microsoft Licensed Kinect Sensor TV Mounting Clip (Xbox 360)
Offered by Global Xpress
Price: £9.99

6 of 26 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Does what it says on the tin, and does it well, but..., 3 Dec 2011
= Fun:1.0 out of 5 stars 
The PDP clip holds the Kinect device firmly and safely on top of my 50" LG flatscreen. It does exactly what I needed it to do. Unlike some of the other monsterous and unwieldy Kinect stands on the market the design of this one is simplistic and elegant and I'm sure it will work well with other flatscreens too. So am I happy? Well no, not really. Why? Having to pay £15 for something marketed as an optional extra that is actually essential to the basic operation of the already overpriced Kinect device leaves a very bitter taste in the mouth. Something like this should have been included in the box with from the outset. Jolly bad show I'm afraid.
Comment Comments (2) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Mar 14, 2012 11:25 PM GMT


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