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War Slut
War Slut
by Carlton Mellick
Edition: Paperback
Price: £6.66

4.0 out of 5 stars Classic Mellick, 25 Feb 2012
This review is from: War Slut (Paperback)
Carlton Mellick III's War Slut is a high paced, thought provoking mockery of the military industry. Readable in just one sitting, it exemplifies Mellick's tight, action packed signature writing style.

The story centres around a group of soldiers who have been given the mission to find and kill the last of the draft dodgers. The only problem is the group's leader's have stopped giving orders and their subordinates must now think for themselves, leading to deadly consequences...

As expected from any book by Carlton Mellick (with the exception of The Faggiest Vampire) it exceeds your GDA of violence, gore, kinky sex and out-and-out weirdness, making for one mind-bending military-genre parody.

Whilst providing an engaging, fun story, War Slut also contains Mellick's sublime delivery of subtle social commentary; in this instance highlighting the terrifying susceptibility of a military-dependant society to brainwashing.

This book is short enough to get new readers hooked, whilst giving veteran Mellick addicts a good fix of Bizarro fun.


The Baby Jesus Butt Plug
The Baby Jesus Butt Plug
by Carlton Mellick
Edition: Paperback
Price: £6.66

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Like Jesus? You'll love this!, 7 Dec 2011
Set in a near-future, dystopian world where the son of god is bred like your average domestic animal and is often used for sexual stimulation, Carlton Mellick III sets about shattering taboos whilst giving amusing social critique on the absurdity of large, office-based corporations.

The story revolves around a married couple who purchase a baby jesus clone as a sex toy and the ensuing chaos the baby jesus causes in their lives, eventually completely turning their world upside down in a shower of gore. Included on every few pages are some nightmarish illustrations by the author, giving the book the feel of an unstable dream-world, at the same time prompting subtle memories of books the reader may remember from childhood. Pair this with the unashamedly sexual content peppered throughout and this makes for one uncomfortable reading experience. This is a good thing.

Aside from sex, the other most obvious theme explored in this book is relationships; I personally found this story to be surprisingly touching. The author also does a great job of exploring clichéd gender roles in modern society, without being in-your-face about it; the male protagonist being portrayed with typically female characteristics, another archetypical theme of Mellick's earlier works.

Above all this story was a lot of fun to read which is, of course, the main purpose of Bizarro. A short, yet rewarding read, it is one of Mellick's most iconic books.


Fantastic Orgy
Fantastic Orgy
by Carlton Mellick III
Edition: Paperback
Price: £6.66

4.0 out of 5 stars Fantastic? Damn right!, 28 Nov 2011
This review is from: Fantastic Orgy (Paperback)
Being a huge fan of Carlton Mellick's work for some five years or more, it is safe to say that I had been anticipating his second collection of short stories with a feverish level of excitement. Having read and loved Mellick's first collection of short stories `'Sunset with a Beard'' (Eraserhead Press) several years ago, `'Fantastic Orgy'' had a lot to live up to.

The collection kicks off with `'Candy-Coated'', a snapshot of the life of a man with a lollipop for a head. This story is a delight to read, Mellick explores the challenges one must face with such an ailment to very amusing effect whilst highlighting the absurdity of our image-obsessed culture.

The second story `'Ear Cat'' is a piece about an agoraphobic woman named Irene who likes to collect things, but is particularly obsessed with the cats. She subscribes to Kitty of the Month Club, which is an organization devoted to manufacturing genetically modified, adorable cats. The story focuses on the challenges Irene must face when her beloved Kitties are taken away and how she must over come her fear of the outside world in order to survive, only to find that other people aren't at all dissimilar to herself.

In `'Fantastic Orgy'' STDs have become more akin to body modifications than actual diseases. When a young man attends an orgy at a sex club in order to attain an STD that has a special benefit for his girlfriend (I won't spell it out!) he ends up getting more than he bargained for and things get violently out of hand. I won't say any more than that, but know that this is one of the best short stories I have ever read and is one of Mellick's most enjoyable, arousing stories. And that's saying something!

Unfortunately the other stories, `'City Hobgoblins'' and `'P*rno in August'' aren't up to the same standard as the other three tales, but are still a lot more enjoyable than the standard pop-fiction pedalled by the majority of `'mainstream'' writers. `'City Hobgoblins'' is a nice back story to the character of Shark Girl from Mellick's `'Punk Land'', but seems somewhat thrown together. I feel it would have benefitted from greater length and exploration of the characters. `'P*rno in August'' is a fun little story about a group of porn stars cast adrift in the middle of the ocean. It contains a lot of shark sex.

Overall, though `'Fantastic Orgy'' is a great collection of stories from one of the veterans of Bizarro fiction, I felt that it fell just short of the high standard set by Sunset with a Beard. Having said that, any Mellick book is still miles ahead in terms of pure entertainment value than anything you will find in a high street book store and I highly recommend this collection to anyone who wants to have some FUN when they read.


The Traveling Dildo Salesman
The Traveling Dildo Salesman
by Kevin L. Donihe
Edition: Paperback
Price: £6.66

4.0 out of 5 stars pick your pleasure!, 31 Oct 2011
For those unfamiliar with Donihe's style, his latest book, the collection of short stories, ''The Travelling D*ldo Salesman'', is a great way to sample his style and to get to know what you're letting yourself in for.

The title story has one of my favourite first lines ever;

''Ralph was a travelling d*ldo salesman. His selection was vast,
and all models were stamped MADE IN HEAVEN.''

It does a perfect job of ensnaring the reader's interest; I personally found it impossible to NOT read on after that first line!

Now, despite what you may expect, the only reference to anything explicitly sexual is when Donihe refers to the `'Products'' themselves; this tale is one of an extreme identity crisis, one man's struggle to find himself through being forced to perform seemingly meaningless, arbitrary work, which many a person can relate to in the real world.

Despite having a notoriously difficult product to sell, Ralph keeps plugging on, regardless of wether his customers simply stare in disbelief, or wether they get so angered they explode.

An interesting story that grips the reader from the first line, and who's protagonist we can all empathise with, The Travelling D*ldo Salesman is an engaging piece that gave me the same disconcerted feeling as when watching Lynch's Eraserhead.

The other stories in this collection are considerably shorter than the title tale, this being both a blessing and a curse. `'Two Way Santa'', for example has the same ensnaring quality as `'The Travelling D*ldo Salesman'', but left me wanting to know more about the character Santa and how he came to be in his present situation. There is some back story, but I felt myself wanting it to be more fleshed out than it is. This doesn't detract from the quality of the writing however, and this piece remains very readable and entertaining.

`'The Helen Mower'' is, frankly, disturbing. And that is coming from someone who can stomach Edward Lee tales with ease. I won't say any more here, lest I ruin it!

`'Living Room Zombies'' and `'Revenge of the Living Masturbation Rag'' Are the most comedic of the shorter works in this collection, the former a reflection on how mainstream media has glamorised just how terrifying a zombie apocalypse would be, to hilarious effect, and the latter, well, what could be more entertaining than a sentient masturbation rag?

Over all, the stories in this collection gaud the reader into imagining the worlds Donihe describes using his trademark straight forward style making them thoroughly enjoyable, and, more often than not, hilarious. Which of course is the purpose of Bizarro; to entertain. You could do much worse than to pick up this short, yet enjoyable read.


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