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Breaking Dawn: Twilight, Book 4: 4/4 (Twilight Saga)
Breaking Dawn: Twilight, Book 4: 4/4 (Twilight Saga)
by Stephenie Meyer
Edition: Paperback
Price: £3.99

7 of 9 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars An awful ending - 1 star because I cannot give it a 0, 27 Sept. 2012
Verified Purchase(What is this?)
Meyer had one last chance to redeem these poor series and she managed to mess it up horrendously.
*warning spoilers*

NOTHING absolutely NOTHING happens. This was her chance to finally put some challenges and some sacrifices or at least some plot but no!
No, because Bella must be the most perfect creature in the whole world with the most perfect life, so Meyer was too much of a coward to attempt anything daring, to challenge her characters. Throughout the whole series, I remember hoping for something really bad to happen to the main characters because every time some action was building up, it fell flat in favour of the heroes.

As for the story: Bella and Edward finally tie the knot after much whining from her part which made completely sense since her whole life revolves around him. Because let's face it: leaving friends and family and giving up on humanity to be with Edward, yes, putting herself in life threatening situation because Edward left her, yes... getting married with Edward? OH NO, my parents got divorced, marriage is icky!
She does not take any part in that wedding and doesn't even look at herself when she is ready. Talk about an effort to be nice to her future in-laws and her husband.
The only reason she agreed to get married is because she wants to get laid. How romantic.

There is a huge amount of inconsistencies and a very poor use of vocabulary in the book. It looks like a first rough draft instead of the published version. It feels like Meyer was writing in a rush with no idea of what was going to happen next and that she was making up rules as she went to get round her own contradictions, here are a few examples among many:
- Bella becomes all of the sudden super Mom when she never showed any remote interest in kids or in having kids in the previous books. After all, she was willing to happily give up humanity and therefore motherhood to be with her sparkling boyfriend for ever. However, the second she gets pregnant, and despite the fact that it is killing her, she want that baby more than everything, even more than eternity with her husband.
But when the battle comes close and she thinks they will lose, she is all about how Edward and her are one and will die as one and that it could not be any other way. What about the kid now?
How does she get pregnant anyway, knowing that vampires have no fluids in their body except for their venom?
- Jasper's power can affect Bella when no one else can and despite the fact that according to Edward, only Bella's mind can not be tampered with.
- Bella experiences NO struggle whatsoever as a newborn vampire, because of course she has to be perfect. This also does not make sense at all. Wouldn't that have been more exciting if she had turned to be ferocious and uncontrollable at first? Maybe attack one of her human friends. But no, we wouldn't want to ruin Bella's perfect little world, would we? She is of course now achingly beautiful and graceful and strong blah blah blah.
- The parents: her mother who supposedly had infused in her her loathing of getting married very young is now a strong advocate of it. The father who understands that something really really strange happened to his daughter, that she physically changed and somehow managed to give birth within a couple of months but who doesn't want to look further into the issue? Charlie, although depicted by Bella as a simpleton who cannot make pasta to save his life, seemed in the first books to be a genuinely good and caring father. And all of the sudden, he doesn't want to know what is going on? What type of parent is that?
- The werewolves are actually shape-shifters?? UH???

The imprinting thing is also simply gross. In book 3, Jacob mentions one of his friends who imprinted on a little girl and says that it is not weird since there is nothing sexual for the moment.
Meyer was obviously justifying ahead the lame twist when Jacob actually imprints on Bedward's new born. And how is that healthy for a relationship? Neither party has a choice, it's even worse for the girl since the guy cannot help but love her but she will have to grow and like him because there is no other alternative.
Jacob later having sex with the daughter of the girl he had been fantasizing about for so long. Simply sick!

Why not make Jacob and Leah grow into each other, that would have made much more sense! Both suffered from unrequited love, both are pariahs in their brotherhood. Speaking of Leah, she just simply disappears in the book. Her story stays unfinished. What happens to her?
Same as Alice's from whom past we catch a glimpse at the end of Twilight, but that part is never elaborated. She seemed to have some consistence till she turned into a vapid party planner.

For hundreds of pages, there is a huge build up for an epic battle that turns out into a discussion of half an hour with the Volturi which ends with them fleeing with their tail between their legs (and we are talking here of the most ruthless vampire coven, like that's credible). No wonder they added a battle scene in the movie. Talk about an anti-climax.
I won't dig too much into the "very subtle" pro-life and sex is bad messages. Describing the sex scene during the honeymoon? Of course not. Depicting Bella vomiting a fountain of blood during the moth gruesome birth scene I ever had the misfortune to read about? Perfectly appropriate.

Bella learns nothing, sacrifices nothing and gets it all at the end after 4 books of behaving like an immature selfish princess. The whole series were revolving around her love triangle with Jacob and Edward. You would expect to have to let one go for the other to stay but no, Meyer conveniently arranged a happy ending for all with Jacob imprinting on their daughter (the scene when Edward calls Jacob "Son" is just creepy). I would have more respect for Meyer if at least she killed off Jacob, or if Renesesmee's (what a stupid name) human part made her grow old and die one day.

Anything to make Bella realise that not everything is sugar-coated in life and that behaving like a selfish, whiny, manipulative brat doesn't usually earn you everything you've craved for.
By far the worse of these oh so predictable 4 books.

Eclipse: 3 (Twilight Saga)
Eclipse: 3 (Twilight Saga)
by Stephenie Meyer
Edition: Paperback
Price: £7.99

1 of 2 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars No improvement, 9 Sept. 2012
Verified Purchase(What is this?)
No improvement comparing to the first 2 books, the writing is as poor and limited and clearly reflects the lack of talent and immaturity of the author.
*Warning spoilers*

Not unsurprisingly, the story mainly revolves around the soppy love triangle Edward/Bella/Jacob. We see more of Jacob environment but the description is stereotypical at best and downright insulting at worst. Meyer's picture of Native Americans are people who only speak in riddles and spend their time performing mysterious ceremonies. Wow.

Edward keeps hounding Bella to get married. She is reluctant as she doesn't want to be "that girl" who ties the knot right after highschool. Strangely though, she doesn't seem to mind that once turned into a vampire, she will have to say goodbye forever to her family and friends. Another good example that Meyer is showing to teen girls: "what will people say" matters more than your relatives.
If possible, Bella's relationship with her sparkling beau becomes even unhealthier as he gets even more controlling and her submissive. Edward takes it even to the point that he will damage her truck so she cannot go visit Jacob (did I say controlling?), and later let Jacob know, without her permission, that she agreed to the marriage, which makes Jacob flip out.
But have no fear, she will get pissed off for at least 5 min and then go back to fawning over his perfect face. There is a little bit of action as Victoria is raising an army of newborn vampires to kill Bella. Yes an entire army to kill a single human who can barely walk across the room without tripping on something. The climax of the action (that comes only at the end of the book as usual) is when she is discovered hiding in the mountain and she saves Edward life by using a trick taken from one of Jacob's tribal legends. OMG I so didn't see that coming when he was telling the story.
Victoria won't succeed and will be killed.
The book could have been much shorter but Meyer seems to love elaborating ad nauseum. The story strongly lacks credibility (i.e. Bella hiding in the mountains although a bunch of vampires are coming to get her, why not go to South Africa for instance and protect this way her loved ones?) but considering the firth 2 lame tomes, this does not come as a surprise.
Meyer's style is childish and boring. She is conveying awful ideas considering her target audience of female preteens.
According to Meyer, a woman should always allow a man to have his way and not speak her mind. Love (or in that case pure obsessive infatuation) must be based on good looks and control. Family and friends are released to seconds.
These books are to literature, what Geordie Shore is to TV: a mind numbing amusement that should not be taken seriously and be forgotten quickly.

2012 [DVD] [2010]
2012 [DVD] [2010]
Dvd ~ John Cusack
Price: £2.60

0 of 1 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Lame, 8 Sept. 2012
This review is from: 2012 [DVD] [2010] (DVD)
To be watched only for the special effects. The story and protagonists seem like they have been written by the Twilight author, meaning they have no substance and are cliched a best.
Well I guess that is what is expected from a disaster movie.

The Hunger Games
The Hunger Games
by Suzanne Collins
Edition: Paperback
Price: £3.85

0 of 1 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars A good read but..., 8 Sept. 2012
This review is from: The Hunger Games (Paperback)
The Hunger Games is a good read for YA, though with a few flaws. I just read that apparently the book was a rip off of Battle Royal. Since I didn't read it, I will stick to my original review without taking this into account.
I enjoyed the trilogy although I found the style a bit childish at times. The first person makes the reading awkward.
I found the story quite original and got pulled in quite quickly. I wish the protagonists had more substance though. I found the soapy love triangle between Gale / Katniss / Peeta quite irritating at times as the writing sounded a bit like Twilight (although by no comparison as poor and cliched).
I didn't get the "wow" factor at the final twist as I was kinda expecting what was going to happen.
Still an entertaining read. I would have given it a 3.5 if it was possible but since I couldn't, I thought it deserved a 4 more than a 3 as I can't say I regret my purchase.

New Moon: 2 (Twilight Saga)
New Moon: 2 (Twilight Saga)
by Stephenie Meyer
Edition: Paperback
Price: £7.99

1 of 2 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars As bad as Twilight..., 8 Sept. 2012
New Moon... A book that lived to the (low) expectations of anyone who read Twilight and found it for the pathetic waste of paper that it is.

I wrote before a review on Twilight being one of the worst books I ever read but admitted that although a waste of time, I really wanted to know where this would end. You read Twilight like you watch a Steven Seagal movie: for a cheap laugh, if you can get past the incredibly annoying soapiness of it.
Warning, there will be spoilers in this review.

So there we are back in Forks and Bella is frantically panicking at the idea or turning 18, which is technically one year older than her shiny blood-sucking immortal boyfriend. She is (again) whining at her fate and therefore begging even more the center of her life to turn her into a vampire.
The Cullens throws her a b-day party which of course she complains about. And there happens drama, she gives herself a paper cut resulting in her being attacked by Jasper who is the only one struggling with his thirst for human blood. What happens next is oh so predictable since in an incredibly loving gesture, Edward decides with his family to leave the town in order to protect her.
So Bella being Bella, she enters into a several month long phase of "I am dead inside", doesn't talk, barely eats or socialize (although when Edward was around, there was not much socializing from her side anyway). She even can't breathe at night, screaming at the top of her lungs from nightmares. She spends her lunch time in the cafeteria, sitting at the Cullen table looking catatonic.
Way to go Stephenie Meyer for making teenage girls think that losing a boyfriend clearly means that you have to behave like a complete lunatic and give up on life, because let's face it: what is there to live for when you have no man?
Anyway, this dark time that Bella is going through is symbolically represented in the book by blank pages with only the month name written in it (I kid you not). When her father threatens to send her back to her mother to get her out of that depression, she actually decides to come back to life and start talking to her friends again. During a night out with Jessica, she sees a group of dodgy bikers and while walking towards them sees an apparition of beautiful Edward warning her to back off, which simply thrills her. She naturally goes for a ride with one of them.
So there you have it, she will start from that point to put herself in danger in order to keep seeing these illusions of Edward (another great example to give to teenage girls: when you start hallucinating, don't seek for help, just keep going down that road).
She however gradually starts bonding with Jacob, who being a guy, will of course fall in love with her (another fantasy of Meyer who seem to have a childish need for constant male admiration). Jacob is a nice, sweet and good looking kid whom any normal girl would fancy, but not Bella of course whose whole life revolves around Edward.
Then Jacob starts avoiding her and she finds out that he is a werewolf due to some ancestral power. The transformation happens when there are vampires around. Yeah puberty can be a bi***.
So poor Bella is AGAIN alone and depressed and sad and alone and depressed and sad. She looks for more life threatening thrills in order to continue her conversations with her imaginary Edward. Long story short, Alice has a vision of her killing herself and tells Edward, who being soooooo romantic decides to go to the Volturi in Italy (some kind of vampire royalty) to ask for his death. Lover wants to die because he thinks the love of his life is dead. Remind you guys of anything? Yes, Meyer is such an unoriginal author that she ripped off Romeo & Juliet plot. Appalling!
Bella and Alice go to Italy and save a sopping Edward at the last second. Then they meet with the Volturi who are cruel and mean and want to kill Bella because she knows their secret. They finally spare her under the sole condition that Edward will turn her into a vampire. Mind you, wouldn't it have been easier to bite her right there and then and be done with it? No, for some reasons, the Volturi who have the reputation of never forgiving, let them go before dinner. Speaking of dinner, the Volturi feed naturally on human blood and harvest dozens of people at a time for their feasts. When our 3 heroes leave, it is actually seconds before the food arrives. Did that occur to Meyer that people regularly disappearing by groups of 30 of so would start to raise suspicion among the locals? Of course not :)
Anyway, happy ending and stuff, as the lovers are reunited, well happy except for Jacob whom Bella thanks for his friendship and support by quickly forgetting about him now that her babe is back.

Bella is by far the most unpleasant character in the book. She is whiny, selfish, ungrateful to her friends and incredibly boring. Not only New Moon is a very bad and pale rip off of Romeo & Juliet but it gives a terrible example to teenage girls regarding heartbreaks and how to deal with them.
I don't understand the success of this franchise or how anyone older than 14 can take it seriously.
It is very poorly written. It seems incredible that someone with a major in English literature can have such a limited vocabulary. The first person makes it as usual extremely irritating since Bella has a very vapid mind.
If you can distance yourself from all the nonsense and take this book for it is, meaning a pitiful joke, I would recommend to read it for a laugh. Try to borrow it from someone though as it is definitely not worth a penny.

Twilight: Twilight, Book 1 (Twilight Saga)
Twilight: Twilight, Book 1 (Twilight Saga)
by Stephenie Meyer
Edition: Paperback
Price: £5.84

0 of 1 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars One of the worst books in History, 7 Sept. 2012
Verified Purchase(What is this?)
Twilight, wow, where do I begin?
I had heard so much about it that I got the 4 books on an Amazon deal and decided to give it a go.
I am a very greedy reader and have read tons of books in widely different genres (fantasy, sci-fi, drama, comedy, detective story, bios...)since I was able to spell.
This is by far, the worst book I have ever read in my life.
There will be spoilers in this review!

The book can honestly be summarized in: whiny and annoying teenage girl meets mysterious and brooding hot vampire, she almost dies but he saves her and that's it. There was no need to write 500 pages for that.
Bella Swan (seriously??? Couldn't Stephanie Meyer find a more cliched name?) is the most vapid character I had the misfortune to read about. She has no ambition, no goals, no personality to speak of. Her only obsession is Edward "sparkly" Cullen and the second she meets him, she cares no longer for her friends or family.
Using the first person makes the book even more irritating as Bella's thought are incredibly empty. Another charge on Meyer childish and untalented writing style.
Yes I have been an angst-ridden teenager myself and yes I have been strongly infatuated with a cute boy too, but NEVER did I think that "I would rather die than stay away from [him]". I say infatuated because this is no love. Bella knows nothing about him apart from the fact that is insanely beautiful. The fact that he is at first downright rude and patronizing with her seem to only get her keener, but I get it: young girls like a challenge, especially coming from a Greek God like creature.
The amount of times Meyer spends describing Edward's perfect face, body, eyes and even breath (I kid you not), while always using the same vocabulary, is seriously disturbing and made me wonder if the author shouldn't go into counseling. After reading hundreds of pages of this book, however, I still have no clear idea of how Bella looks like. Although I imagine this makes it easier for the fans to identify themselves to her as she has no particular traits, being physical or personal. Strangely though, all the boys in her school seem mad about her even before she put a foot in the school (OMG NEW GIRL! NEW GIRL!!!! yeah right...) and they are all after her the second she arrives, never mind the fact that she welcomes their friendly attention with sulkiness. Sure, most teenage girls want to be popular but an admiration to this level NEVER happens, especially for someone as bland and whiny as Bella. The author unsurprisingly does not spare us the cliché of "I don't think I'm beautiful but everybody else does"
Bella is one of the worst role model for a teenage girl. She gets sucked in an abusive and unhealthy relationship and is asking for more. Even her new friends are of no importance anymore to her and she is simply ungrateful to them. As said before, she has no ambition in life, we don't know if she has hobbies or what her favorite color is.
Now to Edward "perfect face" Cullen. The guy is 110 years old or so. 110 YEARS OLD AND HE HAS NOTHING TO SAY. You'd think that being an telepathic filthy rich and awesomely good looking immortal would open doors to you and allow you to do meaningful things, but NO. Edward "has been waiting all his life to meet someone like Bella". His first attraction to her is her blood smell (like "his own brand of heroine", ugh, not creepy at all) and the fact that he cannot read her thoughts (not like he is missing much there). First he is rude to her, then falls in love with her (for what reason, we don't know, since she has no interests in anything) and therefore starts stalking her, controlling her and throws tantrums if she simply looks at another guy (i.e Jacob, the only character that has some kind of substance in this book).
Their relationship is unhealthy and creepy at best. They spend hundreds of pages staring and gawking at each other, with Bella whining on how much she does not deserve someone like Edward. At no point you understand where her feelings come from as Edward personality is in now way described (except for the creepy controlling and stalking part). We simply know that he is hot and finally that his is a vampire.
Granted, you cannot start reading Twilight without knowing that he is a vampire considering the buzz around it. It's like starting reading Harry Potter and knowing beforehand that he is a wizard. But you would at least hope that there would be something original at how Bella finds it out. Their faces are pale, the skin ice cold and they NEVER eat food, although for some reason the Cullens kids always hang out in the cafeteria at lunch, food in front of them and not touching it (now that's a clever way of not raising suspicion). But still and despite the heavy clues given by Jacob, it takes her FOREVER to figure it out.
The other characters are as paper thin as the main protagonists. Bella's father seem to be this socially awkward person not able to function without Bella although he's been living alone for over 15 years.
The other Cullens are all over-chewed stereotypes: Rosalie the self absorbed one, Emmet the big burly simple minded one, Alice the spunky one, Jesper the only one who is struggling with his "vegetarian" state, Esme the overbearing mother, Carlisle the good Samaritan.
Same for Bella's friends: the sweet girl, the friennemy and the two boys who have a crush on her. None of them have any personal story in this book.
The climax of this book arrives 100 pages or so before the end when an evil vampire wants to kill Bella. She is saved at the last second and the action is over and everything back to where it was before. Bella wants to be a vampire to spend eternity with her sparkly boyfriend, even if this means leaving her relatives and friends. Edward doesn't want to curse her with eternal sexy life.

Overall a very poorly written book. Meyer projected her own vision of a teenage fantasy and love. I say vision because there is no way Meyer has ever been in love before, if she considers obsession with looks and controlling behavior as healthy bases for a relationship.
She also put together the most superficial fantasies and aspirations of a shallow person: meaning eternal youth (all the Cullens are less than 30), beauty, health and wealth (they are apparently multimillionaire but you don't know where the money comes from).
I will still admit though, that even this is the lamest fiction I have ever read, I still finished it and went to read the other 3 poorly written books.
Meyer has this type of writing but that is really really bad but at the same time strangely hooking, the same way that you could not stop watching a train wreck.

Father Ted - The Definitive Collection [1995] [DVD]
Father Ted - The Definitive Collection [1995] [DVD]
Dvd ~ Dermot Morgan
Offered by HarriBella.UK.Ltd
Price: £30.95

0 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Amazingly funny!, 3 Jun. 2010
Verified Purchase(What is this?)
Father Ted is THE DVD set to have when you live in Ireland. It is uproariously funny. Shame that the series were not longer.

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