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Apple-eater "Severn Boy" (Worcestershire, England)

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Blitz [DVD]
Blitz [DVD]
Dvd ~ Jason Statham
Price: £3.00

0 of 2 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Laughable but not funny, 8 Jan 2014
This review is from: Blitz [DVD] (DVD)
Statham is a crap actor. That menacing whisper voice he does is hilarious. Gillen can't do an English accent.

That's the acting.

Then there's the story. A copper as violent as Statham character would be in prison.

A killer as inept as Billen would be found very quickly.

And then there are the fight scenes. I suspect Statham has never been in a real fight. If he had, he'd know how daft all that looked.

Loads more to say, but can't be bothered.
the film is crap. Avoid.

The Woman in the Fifth [DVD]
The Woman in the Fifth [DVD]
Dvd ~ Ethan Hawke
Offered by The World Cinema Store
Price: £6.99

0 of 2 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Starts well, ends boringly. Tries to be enigmatic, is just incomprehensible. Avoid., 8 July 2013
This review is from: The Woman in the Fifth [DVD] (DVD)
This starts out looking like it will be about an American in Paris trying to make up with his wife and build a relationship with his daughter, after some unexplained incident.

That goes wrong, he gets robbed, and ends up in a fairly nasty hotel, with no work and no money.

Should be enough there for a decent film to develop. But it doesn't. Instead it just descends into unlinked events and encounter and lots of clips of bugs on trees.

This film was supported by uk film council and its Polish equivalent. I suspect it was made as a cultural gesture rather than as a film in its own right. I should have realised that any film that feat featured Ethan hawke, Kristin Scott Thomas and Paris is a film which would be well known if it was any good.


Shooter [DVD]
Shooter [DVD]
Offered by DVD Overstocks
Price: £2.99

1 of 3 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars John Wayne for Prius drivers, 16 Jun 2013
This review is from: Shooter [DVD] (DVD)
First offs, this film did seem very reminiscent of quite a few others, notably the Borne franchise ones and Enemy of the State, Die Hard and Rambo.

Then there was the sheer unrealism of so much of it. Man on his own fighting off a company of highly trained soldiers? I think not. But my favourite was the way a shoulder wound which would have shattered several bones and rendered an arm useless seemed to be just a flesh wound in this film.

But worst of all was the have your cake and eat it Hollywood liberal violence porn. The same delight taken in violence meted out by US forces, but legitimate because it is directed at dirty lackeys of the System. It looks like the likes of Waglberg and Damon want to criticise the US armed forces but don't have the nerve to. And they are happy to get rich acting as people they disdain, and within a system they regard as evil...

Blue Valentine [DVD]
Blue Valentine [DVD]
Dvd ~ Ryan Gosling
Price: £5.00

0 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Brilliant, but scary, 20 Jan 2013
This review is from: Blue Valentine [DVD] (DVD)
The acting and filming are superb, making the film look and feel more like a fly on the wall documentary than anything else, charting the decline in a relationship, from happy beginnings through indifference to loathing.

Michelle Williams is brilliant anyway, able to play such a wide variety of roles. But hats off to Gosling, who really shows a different side to the one we normally see, and certainly isn't trading on his looks.

My only issue might be the time-shifting, which I found a bit disconcerting at times, as the film alternated between now and the start of the relationship.

And film is actually quite scary, showing how quickly things can go so radically wrong with a relationship, as we find out what idiots our partners can be, and as we let ourselves fade and age. I've been looking in the mirror a lot since watching this. Time to go go on a diet and get that hair sorted out,....

The Killing - Series 3 [DVD]
The Killing - Series 3 [DVD]
Dvd ~ Sofie Gråbøl
Price: £23.99

10 of 20 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Bad ...SPOILER ALERT...poor story with some ridiculous plot twists...and worse, 2 Jan 2013
This review is from: The Killing - Series 3 [DVD] (DVD)
There were the bones of a good story in this series, but it really didn't work out at all.

The big wrecker was the implausibility of the so many of the scenes, people's reactions, and the plot twists.

First off, there was that terminal bungee jump, where a hostage was dropped, with a noose around his neck, what looked like about 30 feet, before coming to an obvious dead end. Well, I can appreciate no one wanted to be hanging around to check....but surely in real life (and in this case, death) his head would have been ripped off.

Then there was the whole problem with the police seemingly unable to find the lightswitch in any building they enter.

And the kidnapper apparently able to come and go at will in what are probably the most heavily guarded buildings in Denmark.

And how many times was the kidnapper shot in the series? I got it to either three or four times...yet still he carried on. Maybe the cuts that are mentioned so often really have bitten, and the police are using marshmallows instead of bullets? or they've been issued with BB guns?

And how bad must the Danish police be, that the kidnapper could be right under their noses so often yet still elude them? Also, how come Lund seems to find herself on her own, without back-up, so often? Would the police really allow an officer to be unaccompanied and in danger so often?

But the real problem with the story was the sheer implausibility of the idea of the statsminister getting so involved in the search for the little girl, and the idea that the whole thing would actually be even vaguely decisive in a general election.

And then there were the constant, heavy-handed references to cuts and the parlous state of the Danish economy, allegedly brought low by horrible captains of industry. Even though in reality Denmark is doing pretty well, precisely because it has a well-trained workforce in a well-run economy.

And worst of all, I found the acting by and large pretty poor. I've seen a lot of the actors in other roles, so I don't think the issue was with them. I suspect it was more to do with poor direction, and the fact that even they couldn't make sense of the script and story.
Comment Comment (1) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Jan 3, 2013 12:11 AM GMT

Dvd ~ David Schofield
Offered by HarriBella.UK.Ltd
Price: £5.75

3 of 4 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Great start, very weak ending, 30 Sep 2012
This review is from: F [DVD] (DVD)
The start, with the teacher being assaulted by a pupil, then threatened with legal action, promised an interesting film. A slasher which took a pop at loony educational policy, which seems to have left the kids in charge, and eventually assaulting the school.

But the mixture of predictable plot development, lack of humour or likeable characters, and a breathtakingly poor, inconclusive, ending, wrecked it for me

Compared very poorly to Ils and Eden Lake.

The Crazies [DVD]
The Crazies [DVD]
Dvd ~ Maxime Alexandre
Offered by MusicnMedia
Price: £2.92

3.0 out of 5 stars Reasonable film in a very tired genre, 3 Sep 2012
This review is from: The Crazies [DVD] (DVD)
It was ok, certainly not bad. Well acted, with reasonable effects.

But haven't there been about a million films now involving

a - something happens which looks a bit weird
b - you start getting zombies etc
c - we are introduced to a 'normal family/group
d - the whole world goes to sh+t
e - the normal group nearly gets killed, and certainly loses some members along the way
f - one or more of the normal group just about gets away

with a possible subclause f1
- it looooks like they got away, but who knows......?
and f2 - they all die.

I won't spoil the film by saying exactly what happens in the end, but this film fits very firmly into the template mentioned above.

The Road
The Road
by Cormac McCarthy
Edition: Paperback
Price: £5.71

0 of 8 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Very bad - poorly written, a classic case of 'emperor's new clothes'., 17 Aug 2012
This review is from: The Road (Paperback)
I saw, and liked, the film, admiring the look of it, the acting, and the sheer desolation and refusal to give in to Hollywood clichés.

But the film had weaknesses, such as the lack of a real explanation as to how the catastrophe had started, how people had reacted at first etc. And the film seemed to skip over important events, such as the suicide of the man's wife.

I presumed that the filmmakers had decided to focus on the visuals, and skip over detail that was in the book. Seemed like a bizarre decision, but things like that do happen, so I thought I'd buy the book and find out.

Big mistake. The filmmakers clearly took many correct decisions, adding detail to flesh out the gaps in the book, and actually making a silk purse from a pig's ear.

The book is dull. This man read the book. He found the book dull. But he carried on reading anyway. He thought things would get better. Just one more page, and things might improve. But they didn't. Just pages and pages of non-story, repetitive description, pointless dialogue, and failure to develop character. I happened to read this book in French, and thought maybe the problem was down to poor translation, but it seems people are making the same negative comments about the English version. Sounds like it was just poorly written.

I suspect those who profess to like this book do so largely as a way of showing their allegiance to a certain way of thinking. I gather it's been endorsed by prominent so-called environmentalists, for example. In effect, people are allowing their ideology to cloud their judgement, and allowing the books awards and endorsements to blind them to the fact that this is a very poorly written book.
Comment Comments (4) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Oct 28, 2012 7:44 PM GMT

Petites Coupures [DVD] [2003]
Petites Coupures [DVD] [2003]
Dvd ~ Daniel Auteuil

3 of 6 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Like watching a very pretentious painting dry, 15 Aug 2012
The film looks great, and the actors and acting are spot on. But the whole thing, about a tedious bloke who everyone seems to find fascinating, going on an errand and getting lost in a forest and having incredibly pretentious conversations with a slightly mysterious woman, the whole thing is drainingly boring.

The dialogue is very much of the 'coffee? I'd love coffee. But would I? And if I did, what would it mean? Oh, kiss, don't, we can't, it's the coffee - its central contradictions remind me too much of the human condition....'. I love France, French culture and the French language. I've seen loads of French films with these actors in, and thought they were brilliant. But not this one, I'm afraid.

Every time the story seems to be going somewhere, it goes somewhere else, leaving the audience (well, me anyway) wondering what's going on, and struggling to care.

Truly terrible, French film-making at its worst!


The Sentinel [DVD] [2006]
The Sentinel [DVD] [2006]
Dvd ~ Michael Douglas
Price: £2.95

2.0 out of 5 stars Douglas vanity project, very poor effort, 15 Aug 2012
This review is from: The Sentinel [DVD] [2006] (DVD)
This film looked like a hotchpotch of a million others, and though it had some good points, it was a bit of a let down.

There was a fairly intriguing looking initial set-up, filmed in a fairly down-to-earth sort of way, which got me thinking the film could be quite good, but it then became clear that it was essentially a Michael Douglas vanity project.

First off- he's just way too old. The man can't run, or fight, and the idea of him outrunning and outfighting so many other people was just ridiculous. I'm not knocking old people, or mocking Douglas for his age. He just shouldn't be trying to make a slow motion Bourne film.

Secondly, the vanity. Douglas being cast as the all-conquering, beloved-by-all superhero, who might be sh-gging his best mate's wife, and definitely is being naughy with the President's rather gorgeous wife. I know Douglas has luck with the ladies in real life, or certainly has had in the past, but now he looks a bit long in the tooth for that.

Thrirdly, the film seemed to just lose momentum at several points. It kept looking like it was going to get interesting, but then meandered off the point.

Fourth, isn't the bad guy Brit getting to be a bit of a cliché. Whoever he was, he was one of the better actors in this film, so nothing against him, but still.

I actually stuck it out to the rather ridiculous end. On the plus side, apart from Douglas' age, there were no over the top Die Hard style heroics, and apart from Douglas, most of the actors seemed pretty good.

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