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Captainscribe

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The Divine Comedy (Oxford World's Classics)
The Divine Comedy (Oxford World's Classics)
by Dante Alighieri
Edition: Paperback
Price: £5.49

1 of 7 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Ok so heres the deal, 14 Oct. 2015
Verified Purchase(What is this?)
I recently found out I was diabetic. Type 2. They told me it was the cool type so, swings and roundabouts. It may be because I'm sucker for a pack of bonbons. Anyway, the diabetes has affected my eyesight and I unfortunately thought this was Dante's Peak, the fierce Pierce Brosnan volcano epic. The book arrived, I had mixed feelings about the whole affair but my daughter was making a paper mache volcano for a science project and today's independent only covered the summit and I had visions of making some ashen foliage to really kick things off. Plus her teacher is a babe and it'll help start a conversation at a PTA meeting. So after considering I did get my epic volcano and I get to stare at a woman's cleavage for an extended period of time. I give this book a 4.


Avengers: Age of Ultron [Blu-ray]
Avengers: Age of Ultron [Blu-ray]
Dvd ~ Robert Downey Jr.
Price: £12.99

3 of 19 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars ok heres the deal........, 26 Sept. 2015
.... My parties have always been the talk of the town, we get together one night a month. There's wine, nibbles, teasers, appetisers, starters, desserts and premium laughs from the get go. My friends travel from afar to attend my gatherings. Anyway, my close friend Simon had planned to attend my next event with his new girlfriend, he wanted to get our approval as he lost the house after the last divorce, its been on some hard times and he's a good bloke so we look after him.
The morning of the event, I realised this film would be perfect for the post nibbles pre tipsy stage at around 7:45pm and I remembered I realised I had signed up to that new AmaZOOM service that does next hour delivery, it's costing me £24 a month and I haven't even used it. An hour went, no parcel, a few more hours went, no parcel. Eventually, an eastern European gent dropped it off, come to think of it he drove a surprisingly well conditioned Ford Sierra........ I mean it didn't look new but considering the mileage I thought it was good.
I suspect AmaZOOM is not anything to do with Amazon as my copy had Famous Goalkeeper Petr Cech as the villian, he pulled off some weird skin flap on his head and revealed a completely Iron skull. Talented bloke for doing that though, I swear he plays the drums too. I wonder what his favourite biscuit is? Maybe hes a digestive bloke, no fuss.
Anyways, I'm giving this film one star as I was wary of his new girlfriend and it turned out she's an army girl and I find masculinity in women to be very unbecoming.
Comment Comment (1) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Sep 26, 2015 7:06 PM BST


Les Misérables (Blu-ray + Digital Copy + UV Copy) [2012]
Les Misérables (Blu-ray + Digital Copy + UV Copy) [2012]
Dvd ~ Hugh Jackman
Price: £3.60

8 of 190 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars ok here's the deal....., 1 April 2013
.... I really need some advice. Recently the missus has been using social networking websites, men have started talking suggestively to her, i'm worried to say the least. She shows me chat logs of men coming on to her, she never replies in the chats saying that she's taken, she usually just leads them on and teases them.
Problems i have with this:
-She should tell them she is happy with me.
-No one likes a tease.

I have considered going on Jeremy Kyle but can't afford two train fares to Manchester, plus if i found out she was cheating, my poor little heart wouldn't take it. I need a really nice long hug, somebody help.
Comment Comments (11) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Jun 9, 2013 9:18 PM BST


The Princess and the Frog Double Play (Blu-ray + DVD)
The Princess and the Frog Double Play (Blu-ray + DVD)
Dvd ~ Anika Noni Rose
Offered by filmsmk
Price: £12.93

5 of 34 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars ok here's the deal....., 23 Mar. 2013
.... me and the wife visited here last month after a recommendation from a friend. Was a bit out of the way and required about a 30 minute drive, wasn't happy as the missus insisted on playing her favourite mixtape during the journey, i actually had my heart set on Air Guitar Classics 1. So already, i'm going into the situation annoyed.
Parking was full, so had to make continual successive loops of the nearby residential areas, the cars MPG is by no means great so i was probably already a fiver down by this point.
Got inside and the waiter was pompous, he didn't compliment my beautiful suit or the fact the missus spent about an hour playing with her blonde locks.
The starters were , admittedly, impeccable with the garlic bread slices being succulent and my wife's cries to stop eating them because i would ruin the main course were ignored.
Then the main came, my wife ordered the risotto, she got filet mignon, and they wouldn't take it back, i blamed her speech impediment initially which resulted in an hour long after dinner argument.
I had the steak tartar which ended up being ejected in a ditch somewhere near Basildon, thanks for the food poisoning. I also miss two days of work, which is when my company sealed a huge investment deal, and i lost out on the commission.
I am seeking compensation.
Comment Comments (3) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Oct 27, 2013 9:21 PM GMT


Dumbo [Blu-ray]
Dumbo [Blu-ray]
Dvd ~ Ben Sharpsteen
Offered by CJM Retail Ltd
Price: £14.78

3 of 19 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars ok here's the deal....., 13 Mar. 2013
This review is from: Dumbo [Blu-ray] (Blu-ray)
..... WARNING TO ALL MUMMIES AND DADDIES BUYING THIS FOR THEIR LITTLE ONES, THIS EDITION IS THE AIRFIX EDITION, COMES PACKAGED IN A BLISTER PACK AND REQUIRES GLUE (WAS INCLUDED) AND NON SHAKY HANDS TO PUT TOGETHER.....
WAS SUPPOSED TO PUT THIS ON FOR MY SONS NAP TIME, DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS LIKE THIS AND WHEN HE WAS TRYING TO GO TO THE LAND OF NOD I WAS UP AGAINST A NIGHT-LIGHT TRYING TO GLUE IT TOGETHER. HAND SLIPPED AND I GOT PIECES OF DISK IN MY SONS STINKY NAPPY. RIGHT LASH UP.
SELLER WOULDN'T GIVE REFUND BECAUSE I SWORE AT HIM... DON'T NOT BUY FROM THANE KRIOS.
Comment Comments (4) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Apr 17, 2013 7:43 AM BST


Serenity [Blu-ray] [Region Free]
Serenity [Blu-ray] [Region Free]
Dvd ~ Nathan Fillion
Price: £6.00

3 of 36 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars ok here's the deal....., 13 Mar. 2013
...... i think we all agree this film would have been immensely better if they had used Sarah Michelle Gellar instead of Kate Beckinsale, i recently did a public survey where i trawled the streets of Hull with a clipboard offering free stamps in exchange for answers and everyone agreed with the question:
"Do you think Sarah Michelle Gellar would have been better than Kate Beckinsale in serendipity?"
Sarah Michelle Gellar has defined many great moments in my life, during the mid 90s she showed me the empowerment of women and how you can wear lots of black and still manage your fashion senses.
Talking of mid 90s, i recently bought a pair of loose jeans and a giant chain to hang off them, i thought i would get in the moment and run around a school like i did in the old days.
Unfortunately my increased height meant my giant chain striked many faces of various children who were at the height of my waist. My former headmaster was not so happy and parents were questioning why an adult had managed to scratch the face of many children unhindered.
I tried to apologize in packets of 'double dips' but apparently kids don't like those sweets these days............ typical.
Comment Comments (4) | Permalink | Most recent comment: May 10, 2014 11:50 PM BST


Charlie Brooker's Black Mirror - Series 1 [DVD]
Charlie Brooker's Black Mirror - Series 1 [DVD]
Dvd ~ Rory Kinnear
Price: £8.00

1 of 2 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars ok here's the deal....., 12 Mar. 2013
..... I really enjoyed this series.

If you are a fan of dark British humour you will definitely enjoy this, but it is so much more than a comedy or a drama. Each episode is presented in a twisted form of the near future, it steadily maintains the conceptual ideas of each episode and the actors manage to thrive without being constricted by the narrative. The questions it asks are relevant and the fingers it points at society should be noted.
Its look at future technology ,although cynical, is not thrown in your face. Films like I,Robot would prefer to show you how 'cool' future gadgets may be, Black Mirror allows the viewer to infer what they will and leave doors open for interpretation, instead of using the concepts as a gimmick. Instead of just shoving a hologram idea in your face, it really looks at the morality of technology as a whole, with subtle hints to it's implications littered within each episode.
The acting is brilliant, notable appearances including Daniel Kaluuya who did nothing for me in Skins but does amazingly well in this and Toby Kebell whose slow descent into paranoia and madness is played extremely well in Episode 3.
My quips can hardly be considered quips, obviously i wanted more, some of the themes, especially the Re-Do could be traversed for hours and Hollywood seems to have listened as an adaptation of this particular episode is in the works. Also, series 2 has already aired, with the first episode being the best thing ,in my opinion, Charlie Brooker has ever created.
My last quip is simply the format, i couldn't find this on Blu ray anywhere and DVD just simply isn't enough to bring the beautifully dark cinematography to life, something which average TV shows of this kind just don't bother with, it's incredibly stylistic.
So if you want a dark drama/comedy with a bit of depth and thought behind it, then this is for you.
As always, Captainscribe.
Comment Comments (3) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Apr 2, 2013 9:05 PM BST


Zero Dark Thirty (Blu-ray + UV Copy) [2012] [Region Free]
Zero Dark Thirty (Blu-ray + UV Copy) [2012] [Region Free]
Dvd ~ Chris Pratt
Price: £7.00

11 of 100 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars ok here's the deal....., 3 Mar. 2013
... let me tell you about Thane Krios..... We were good friends for most of the early 90s, we did a 5 year stint together at the paper mill before our manager Gary Fringe made us both redundant in the cuts of '95. He went to another paper mill and i took on the new career of logistical support. During this time away from me, he turned evil, and the amount of dinners i invited him to went down from 2 a week to eventually 2 a year in '98. He was bitter about the redundancy working for me and my family (we had just bought a Renault Espace, the pinnacle of car technology in the 1990s) and seemed to think i owed him something.
He began by insisting that we start swapping partners, in a sort of leave your car keys in the bowl and pick sexual partners thing, i was not happy because his wife was saggy and our lavish lifestlye left mine looking like a piece of plastic airtight around a lampshade. When i said no he threatened both of us and insisted we make the trade. Since we were at my home, he picked my keys and insisted he drive my wife in my car to HIS HOME to have intercourse.
I relented and he chinned me, right in the nozzle. I asked him to leave and he pulled his rusty bucket of a wife with him, ever since then he has been commenting on my amazon reviews and sending me his used toilet roll in the post. Ignore him.
Comment Comments (7) | Permalink | Most recent comment: May 23, 2014 6:41 PM BST


The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey - Limited Edition Steelbook [Blu-ray + UV Copy] [2012] [Region Free]
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey - Limited Edition Steelbook [Blu-ray + UV Copy] [2012] [Region Free]
Dvd ~ Martin Freeman
Offered by HarriBella.UK.Ltd
Price: £12.70

9 of 92 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars ok here's the deal....., 26 Feb. 2013
.... what is it with sloths? They are so cute! Seriously, every time i see a sloth i think a little hand warmer is pressed inside my soul and my loins are warmed like a ray of sunshine over a meadow. Their cute little smiles, their fuddy wuddy cheeks you just wanna squeeze!!! When they are in danger they pull their arms apart like a little baby wanting a BIG HUG!
God i love sloths guys.
Sometimes i think in a previous life i was a sloth, and it explains my docile behaviour in this life, when i was a sloth i reckon i chilled out all day and when a person walked past i gave them a little smile and watched them go on with their day.
This film gets a 1 star for having NO SLOTHS?! are you kidding? Couldn't they have added a sloth side kick or something? Seriously this film would have benefited from heavy sloth narratives, making a talking helpful sloth?
Comment Comments (16) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Jun 12, 2013 6:48 PM BST


Game of Thrones - Season 2 (inc. Bonus Disc: Creating the Visuals - Amazon.co.uk Exclusive) [Blu-ray] [Region Free]
Game of Thrones - Season 2 (inc. Bonus Disc: Creating the Visuals - Amazon.co.uk Exclusive) [Blu-ray] [Region Free]
Dvd ~ Lena Headey

20 of 191 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars ok here's the deal....., 25 Feb. 2013
.... A man once told me a story about eggs and baskets, i don't remember the whole story or the basic morals of it, but in the height of a sweltering hot summer season i become enveloped by egg obsession. I first bought a hand weaved basket and a value pack of eggs, carefully stacking them and photographing the evidence, my friends agreed the picture was good and i started to take more of an interest.
I began looking at the geometric standard of each egg i bought, and supermarkets did not welcome my lengthy inspection of their goods. Within the first month i was banned from Waitrose (a huge shame, as no one can do hummous quite like them) and Tesco.
I began savouring my favourite eggs and this soon created a divide between my personal life and my obsession, i smacked my child's hand when he reach for an egg to use in his egg and spoon race, and ended up having a domestic battle with my partner, which ended with me forcing her to hold two eggs in her mouth without breaking them for 24 hours.
She went to her mothers while i spiraled out of control, soon i was arguing with friends and they didn't enjoy coming over for breakfasts, I started shaving and using foundation on my head while wearing a strange hat to make my head become more ovular and egg-like.
This all ended when i started watching this series, and i HATE it for that fact.
Comment Comments (33) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Jun 25, 2013 2:21 PM BST


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