Profile for Jonesy The Crypt Keeper > Reviews

Personal Profile

Content by Jonesy The Cry...
Top Reviewer Ranking: 48,924
Helpful Votes: 150

Learn more about Your Profile.

Reviews Written by
Jonesy The Crypt Keeper "Ben" (UK)

Show:  
Page: 1 | 2 | 3
pixel
1989
1989
Price: £13.00

4 of 9 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Competently written but very bland and ordinary, 4 Nov. 2014
This review is from: 1989 (Audio CD)
I admire her ability to write her own songs and play an instrument but the songs on here are just so average and boring with little variety in tone or theme with shallow lyricism lacking in edge or creativity. And the fact that she's cribbing the 'players gonna play/haters gonna hate' line just says it all. That phrase has been around for about 3 decades! A little more originality please.

I would go into more detail but i didn't hate the album or love it enough to really give extensive reasoning behind my score. It's just...disappointing and forgettable.


X
X
Price: £11.99

9 of 12 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars More of the same from the UK's most ubiquitous - and overrated - troubadour., 26 Oct. 2014
This review is from: X (Audio CD)
From its totally unimaginative album title and cover art to the song structures, X is a very bland, inoffensive and forgettable affair devoid of fire or energy. The lyrics never hard hitting enough to make you feel anything and the songs drifting by with little weight on a wave of beige cardigans. It's folky, he sings about love, the girls love him for it, it's a formula, and he's adhering to it with a steel grip.

Sheeran has talent - a dab hand at different instruments, a fine voice - but once again he's applying these skills to create something that's far beneath his capabilities. Sadly, this album will - and already has - sell by the truckload, so i guess the fabric of his career will not be altered at any point. I prefer albums with a bit more edge and daringness and innovation and pin-sharp lyrical dexterity. This is just another album for the Tesco mums.

Currently at 603 reviews with a 5 star rating, it shows that in the current desolate musical climate even absolute mediocrity like this can find huge success and be acclaimed like it's The Joshua Tree. Strum a few chords with level-2 competence, sing in a soft puppy-dog voice about love with cliched lyrics and....£££££££££££. Depressing.
Comment Comment (1) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Nov 6, 2014 12:39 PM GMT


In The Lonely Hour
In The Lonely Hour
Offered by MediaMine
Price: £9.89

3 of 5 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars A great voice alone is not enough to make a great album, 26 Oct. 2014
This review is from: In The Lonely Hour (Audio CD)
There's no denying that young Sam is swimming in talent, but unfortunately there is nothing here that stirs the imagination and lights up the eardrums. It's a very tepid, overwrought affair filled with way too many ballads and the lyrics are very banal and cliched in places. 'Money On My Mind' is probably the nadir of the album with its horrid chorus 'melody'.

It's your typical 'Tesco mum' album. Even the front cover is very lazy and lacking artistic merit. Good luck for the future though Sam, but your debut isn't very good.


Alien: Isolation - Nostromo Edition (PS3)
Alien: Isolation - Nostromo Edition (PS3)
Offered by The Game Collection -
Price: £23.33

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Do you like stealth? Like Alien? Like being scared? Buy this game. All other priorities recinded., 17 Oct. 2014
I have been anticipating this game pretty much since it was first announced and it does not disappoint and was well worth full price. The graphics, in particular the lightning, are superbly rendered and extremely atmospheric with the swaying lights, blood red strobes lighting up the walls and the eerie shadows obscuring your route. The controls are fluid and easy to manage. the sound design and soundtrack cannot be faulted. What a powerhouse. Every hiss, every metallic clang in the vents, every heart stabbing violin crescendo...flawless, and not superfluous. And the intensity is almost off the chart at times as the dreaded extraterresitial hunter with super-heightened sensory capabilites comes to completely ruin your day. But you can't kill it. This is not a Colonial Marines rehash. This is survival horror. You are vulnerable, outgunned, outwitted and completely hapless in the face of this beast. The only item that can help defend you is a flamethrower, but fuel is scarce and highly precious. All Call of Duty fans approach this game with extreme caution.

I was thorougly speechless by a flashback mission that let you explore the derelict spacecraft from the film and approach the space jockey about an inch from its face! The creators did a magnificent job in letting you become immersed in the universe that the 1979 film gave you a peak into. I am very appreciative of their efforts.

There are a few flaws such as choppy frame rate in the cutscenes, and the scenery can get a bit samey, especially when you have to backtrack so much. Although i thought it was a good decision, the save system could be a gripe for some folk as they are so spaced apart and with death so frequent, fast and unpredictable, it can be hair-stretchingly frustrating having to replay sections until you reach the next save point.

But i cannot sufficiently underscore the importance of this game as it has jolted the Alien videogame franchise back to life and put it in a very exciting, encouraging direction. It is, for me at least, the most accomplished and downright terrifying Alien game since the underrated Alien Ressurection on the good 'ol PS1, and easily the best Alien game i've ever played. I cannot imagine any Alien fans being disappointed with this game.


Frozen [DVD]
Frozen [DVD]
Dvd ~ Chris Buck
Offered by -CENTRO-UK- [100% POSITIVE RATED]
Price: £9.72

9 of 21 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Overrated, forgettable tosh., 12 Sept. 2014
This review is from: Frozen [DVD] (DVD)
I am truly baffled by this film's success. In terms of Disney films it probably falls into the mid-section of their hierarchy of greatness. The snowman was just hopelessly unfunny, i didn't care about any of the characters, the old 'fall in love with the poor man instead of the big bad rich guy' message, the impossibly cute princesses etc. And as for Let It Go, what on Earth is so special about this unremarkable, formulaic pop-by-numbers rubbish?

Just goes to show that kids will watch anything if it has lots of colours and cute wickle characters.


Max Payne 3 (PS3)
Max Payne 3 (PS3)
Offered by Shop Radiance
Price: £9.90

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars An excellent action game., 22 Oct. 2013
= Fun:5.0 out of 5 stars 
Verified Purchase(What is this?)
This review is from: Max Payne 3 (PS3) (Video Game)
I loved the graphics and the locations of the game. The controls are great and very accessible. The music and voice acting is top notch. I played the game on normal difficulty and it was very challenging. You will die a lot in this game!

My only gripe would be that the duck and shoot gameplay can get a bit repetitive. But the gunfights are really cool and the bullet time feature where it slows down the action is incredibly stylish and you'll find yourself jumping sideways in slow motion whilst planting a perfect headshot time and time again. I just wished there was a bit more variation in how the game plays out.

So i would definitely recommend getting this game if you're a fan of balls to the wall action especially the Uncharted trilogy which this game very closely resembles. Go buy it :D
Comment Comment (1) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Nov 11, 2013 9:55 AM GMT


Protective Pencil Cap
Protective Pencil Cap

5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent little product, fits my pencil perfectly., 24 Aug. 2013
Verified Purchase(What is this?)
This review is from: Protective Pencil Cap (Toy)
I would definitely recommend these pencil caps if you're looking to cover your pencils. Nice product. Looks attractive and is worth the price.


Family Guy - Season 1-11 [DVD]
Family Guy - Season 1-11 [DVD]
Dvd ~ Seth MacFarlane
Offered by EU ELECTRIC
Price: £62.99

5.0 out of 5 stars Absolutely brilliant!, 26 Jun. 2013
Verified Purchase(What is this?)
All 11 seasons currently available of one of the best animated shows of all time inside of one lovely big box. Hours and hours of hilarious episodes from the Griffin family and co. If you're a Family Guy fan, i urge you to get this as soon as possible. The packaging is brilliant, the episodes are great and even at around £60+ it's great value for money!.


BE
BE
Offered by Hardliner-music
Price: £7.39

2 of 4 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars A few great songs but mostly underwhelming., 26 Jun. 2013
This review is from: BE (Audio CD)
The album in general is quite mediocre but there are a few highlights that stood out to me. There is the excellent Flick Of The Finger, a brilliant album opener powered by towering brass that matches Liam Gallgher's ego and pummeling drums that give the song a restless, stalking edge. It's a menacing, monolithic song that makes the best of the bands ability. Second Bite Of The Apple has a lazy pace with a tumbling bassline, itchy percussion and a xylophone. It's great and the chorus is good too. Iz Rite is a summery little song with breezy guitar strumming and the dreamy, yearning chorus is wonderful. Don't Brother Me has a lovely, warm chord progression and Liam's passive-aggressive lyrics are actually quite good. And finally, Shine A Light is a storming, seemingly bluesy little pop rock tune and the chorus refrain of 'shine a la-la, shine a light' is great stuff and very infectious. It's a fun little tune.

But i found the other songs a little uninspired. I must note that Liam's voice is a little weak aswell and he never unleashes the true power of his voice. He comes across as very restrained or maybe even a little bored. It would have been better if he had a bit more energy and put himself out there a bit more. And the lyrics are very weak too but this criticism could be leveled at most Oasis and Noel Gallagher songs too. It seems to be just rhyming for the hell of it with no real meaning. But at least most Oasis songs were redeemed by the musical arrangements and Liam's swagger. But these ingredients are mostly absent throughout, making the album a chore to listen to at times.

Still, not a bad album by any means but i think at this point it is safe to say that Liam's best work is far behind him.
Comment Comment (1) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Jun 28, 2013 3:54 PM BST


Babel
Babel
Price: £5.00

15 of 21 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Formulaic, dull as ditchwater banjo pop., 25 Jun. 2013
This review is from: Babel (Audio CD)
This album strives so hard to be anthemic and uplifting but it just comes across as cloying and obnoxious. It's the safest, most formula obeying mainstream album you can possibly imagine. Pretty much everything sounds the same on here, it all bleeds into one giant song. It's all so very dull, gimmicky and uninspired - the lyrics, the musical arrangements, even their image. Trite lyrics delivered in an earnest manner set against thumping drums and a giddy, overexcited banjo - rinse and repeat OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. So, if you like one of their songs then you're going to love this album. But i'll stick with something a bit more adventurous and varied thank you very much.


Page: 1 | 2 | 3