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Crookedmouth ":-/" (Somewhere in the Jurassic...)

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AmazonBasics 8-Inch Black Sleeve for iPad Mini / Samsung Galaxy Tablet
AmazonBasics 8-Inch Black Sleeve for iPad Mini / Samsung Galaxy Tablet
Price: £5.49

4 of 6 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Small!, 16 July 2014
Customer review from the Amazon Vine Programme (What's this?)
Length:: 0:29 Mins

After some years of buying small, light tablets and then sticking them in covers that make them bigger, heavier and unwieldier, I am beginning to think that maybe using them without covers would be a way to appreciate the qualities that distinguish them from laptops, desktops and mainframes. However, another distinguishing feature is their relative fragility. SOME protection is needed.

This is a sort of compromise - it allows me to use the tablet as the gods intended but provides the necessary protection from bumps and scratches. It's NOT waterproof or even water resistant though.

The case is soft and squidgy and seems well made and the zip is chunky and robust. It is also snug. I wondered at first whether my Tab S 8.4" would fit - my Nexus 7 did, but with little or no wiggle room. An 8" tablet does for, but only just.

I know Amazon don't like us reviewing packaging, but the Frustration Free Packaging IS a stated feature of the product. Well, I nearly cut my hand off trying to open the "Frustration Free Packaging". The rustic cardboard box was sealed with a plastic sticker that could only easily be removed with a knife or pair of scissors.


Paul Ross - Greeting Card (Pack of 2) - 7x5 inch - Art247 - Standard Size - Pack Of 2
Paul Ross - Greeting Card (Pack of 2) - 7x5 inch - Art247 - Standard Size - Pack Of 2
Offered by Art247
Price: £4.00

5 of 6 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars People will do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid facing their own souls., 15 July 2014
Carl Jung wrote to me, several months before he died, to urge me to remember in years to come that; "the pendulum of the mind oscillates between sense and nonsense, not between right and wrong." I think that we can take a modicum of comfort from that, beacuse the true conflict that lies in the heart of man is the eternal tension between id and ego, self and mind, and of course between the primal entity and the rational face we show to the world. Where is the nonsense in that? Where indeed is the sense? I don't believe that Carl ever truly solved that riddle, despite the many subtle hints I gave him. He was a brilliant mind but too focussed on the darkness that dwells within, to the exclusion of all else. "Carl," I said to him, one rainy afternoon in Salzburg, "look to the light for your answers!" But alas! he was ripped to the t!ts on E's at the time and paid me no heed. Thus his greatest works were deeply flawed by a lack of understanding of even the most basic Cartesian principles of mind and of self. As I sit here, gazing from my study window onto the broad, bustling, palm-tree lined streets of Gstaad, I am overcome with remorse that I never managed to guide him as effectively as I could and that he died (mauled by lions in Malawi, or so I hear) a bitter failure with barely a penny to his name. Such is the price of the human condition.

Still... at least I'm not Paul Ross.


Sue Pollard - Art Print - Medium - 28x35cm
Sue Pollard - Art Print - Medium - 28x35cm
Offered by Art247
Price: £12.99

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Sue-per, 15 July 2014
I was looking for the poster of that bird playing tennis without her keks and I found this. At least I didn't find a picture of Sue Pollard without her keks, that's all I can say.


SanDisk SDSDQU-032G-FFP Ultra 32 GB Class 10 Micro SD Card with SD Adapter - Frustration-Free Packaging (Label May Change)
SanDisk SDSDQU-032G-FFP Ultra 32 GB Class 10 Micro SD Card with SD Adapter - Frustration-Free Packaging (Label May Change)

11 of 12 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Head and shoulders above the competition...,, 15 July 2014
I have produced flakes of dandruff bigger than this, yet it has the memory capacity of a small herd of elephants (or a herd of small elephants? Who can say?). Isn't modern technology wonderful?

I bought the 32GB version to pop into my new smart-phone (a Samsung Galaxy Ace) so that I could use it as an mp3 player as well as a pocket camera (oh yes, and a phone). 32GB is twice the capacity of my old Walkman which was beginning to groan at the seams so, short of shelling out more than a half-ton for the 64GB card, it seemed like a decent choice.

Popped it into the phone and watched it format and then started to transfer my entire music collection. I may not be John Peel, but I do have a few albums (I daren't count them) and they filled the card up to just over half-full. Excellent! Plenty of space left for musical expansion, apps and photos.

This is supposed to be an "ultra speed" card: presumably it's quicker to load files on and off and access them as well. I can hardly comment with any authority, never having timed that sort of thing, but I will say that I managed to transfer on all of my 16GB of music in the time it took to run a bath. Well, OK - I exaggerate, but I would have expected something like that to take up a long and boring evening in front of the laptop and was VERY pleasantly surprised.

The card comes with an adapter that allows you to use it as a full-size SD card should you so wish - a miracle of electronic engineering all in itself, if you ask me.

The only down-side is that the card is so small that if you take a deep breath, you're liable to inhale the bloody thing.


Cocofina Coconut Water 200ml (Pack of 36)
Cocofina Coconut Water 200ml (Pack of 36)
Offered by Superfood Market
Price: £40.00

1.0 out of 5 stars Message in a bottle, 15 July 2014
Day 3: It is now three days since the crash and my predicament is dire. There is no sign of water on this godforsaken island and all that I could salvage from the wreckage was the plane's windscreen washer bottle (half full), a little deicing fluid and a case of Cocofina Coconut Water (36x200ml). This latter will make a fine pillow as I gather my strength for the coming struggle for survival.

Day 8: As I constructed a rudimentary shelter from the remains of my aeroplane, I dropped the case of Cocofina Coconut Water (36x200ml) upon my feet, crushing them most cruelly. Despite my terrible injuries, I must now go in search of potable water. I may be some time.

Day 20: I return from my explorations greatly diminished. I found no water and I subsist solely upon my own rancid feculence. Sadly, my feet have become gangrenous and I am now forced to amputate both of them. Fortunately I have a small butter knife, sharpened on a stone and the case of Cocofina Coconut Water (36x200ml) which will make an excellent, sturdy operating table.

Day 23: Ye Gods but I cannot go on drinking my own piss! It is unconscionable! The deicing fluid was cool, tasty and only mildly hallucinogenic. The case of Cocofina Coconut Water (36x200ml) sings softly to me at night and keeps my spirits high with witty puns and earnest philosophical discursions.

Day 25: A Pacific Grey seal visited the island last night. It had clearly become separated from its companions and had roamed the oceans alone for many weeks. I believe that it came to me for company and it cuddled up for warmth as I slept. The poor creature gazed most imploringly at me with its huge, trusting, liquid brown eyes, so I dashed its brains out with the case of Cocofina Coconut Water (36x200ml) and drank my fill from its bladder. I have preserved some of its blood in the washer bottle and I may now be able to survive a few more days, God be praised!

Day 30: I confess that desperation got the better of me! I turned at last to my case of Cocofina Coconut Water (12x200ml) for salvation, emptied every bottle into the sand and constructed from them a crude flotation device. I have used the last as a container to preserve this journal. If anyone should find what I fear to be my last mortal words, I have set sail to north-east in the hope of finding civilisation and something to drink.

May God have mercy on my soul!


Tunnock's Milk Chocolate Tea Cakes 6 x 24G
Tunnock's Milk Chocolate Tea Cakes 6 x 24G
Offered by Leading Brands Worldwide
Price: £2.42

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Paps o' Uddingston, 15 July 2014
Oft accompanied by an "ice-cream floater" made with Whites Lemonade, the trick with these is to break a small hole in the chocolate covering with your teeth and lick out the mallow fill leaving the teacake hollow. This requires much tongular dexterity, but impresses my dinner guests no end (at least that is how I choose to interpret the stunned silence and their shocked expressions).

Next stage is to consume what remains of the chokky shell, followed by the biscuit base. The foil wrapper can be rolled up tight into a hard little ball that really stings when surreptitiously flicked at Miss after lunch break.

If you don't choose to follow this sequence to the letter, you will suffer seven years bad luck. It's true! I managed to get three whole teacakes into my mouth in one go once. I got detention for a week and Stinky Stammers stole my dinner money.


Tunnocks Chocolate Teacakes 12x6 Pack
Tunnocks Chocolate Teacakes 12x6 Pack
Offered by Emaan Limited
Price: £20.47

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Paps o' Uddingston, 15 July 2014
Oft accompanied by an "ice-cream floater" made with Whites Lemonade, the trick with these is to break a small hole in the chocolate covering with your teeth and lick out the mallow fill leaving the teacake hollow. This requires much tongular dexterity, but impresses my dinner guests no end (at least that is how I choose to interpret the stunned silence and their shocked expressions).

Next stage is to consume what remains of the chokky shell, followed by the biscuit base. The foil wrapper can be rolled up tight into a hard little ball that really stings when surreptitiously flicked at Miss after lunch break.

If you don't choose to follow this sequence to the letter, you will suffer seven years bad luck. It's true! I managed to get three whole teacakes into my mouth in one go once. I got detention for a week and Stinky Stammers stole my dinner money.


Tunnock's Milk Chocolate Tea Cakes 12x6x24g
Tunnock's Milk Chocolate Tea Cakes 12x6x24g
Offered by Eli McLeod
Price: £28.50

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Paps o' Uddingston, 15 July 2014
Oft accompanied by an "ice-cream floater" made with Whites Lemonade, the trick with these is to break a small hole in the chocolate covering with your teeth and lick out the mallow fill leaving the teacake hollow. This requires much tongular dexterity, but impresses my dinner guests no end (at least that is how I choose to interpret the stunned silence and their shocked expressions).

Next stage is to consume what remains of the chokky shell, followed by the biscuit base. The foil wrapper can be rolled up tight into a hard little ball that really stings when surreptitiously flicked at Miss after lunch break.

If you don't choose to follow this sequence to the letter, you will suffer seven years bad luck. It's true! I managed to get three whole teacakes into my mouth in one go once. I got detention for a week and Stinky Stammers stole my dinner money.


Tunnock's Caramel Wafers 16 x 30g
Tunnock's Caramel Wafers 16 x 30g
Offered by PremiumBrands-4-Less
Price: £8.43

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars But mark the Rustic, wafer-fed, The trembling earth resounds his tread, 15 July 2014
Chewy caramel and crispy wafer in a chocolatey coating. A classic delicacy from the land that brought you the deep-fried Mars Bar and skirts for men. Legend has it that Rab Burns originally penned his famous address to the Caramel wafer, but the editor altered the poem at the last moment to avoid falling foul of The Scotsman magazine's sponsors, Kircaldy Haggis & Entrails, Inc.

Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face,
Great Chieftain o' the sweetie-race!
Aboon them a' ye tak your place,
Mars, Marathon, or Jelly-Babes:
Weel are ye wordy of a grace
As lang's my arm

Traditionally should be washed doon with a can of Irn Bru (or McEwan's Export on Burn's Night (or indeed on any other night (or several cans))).


No Title Available

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars But mark the Rustic, wafer-fed, The trembling earth resounds his tread, 15 July 2014
Chewy caramel and crispy wafer in a chocolatey coating. A classic delicacy from the land that brought you the deep-fried Mars Bar and skirts for men. Legend has it that Rab Burns originally penned his famous address to the Caramel wafer, but the editor altered the poem at the last moment to avoid falling foul of The Scotsman magazine's sponsors, Kircaldy Haggis & Entrails, Inc.

Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face,
Great Chieftain o' the sweetie-race!
Aboon them a' ye tak your place,
Mars, Marathon, or Jelly-Babes:
Weel are ye wordy of a grace
As lang's my arm

Traditionally should be washed doon with a can of Irn Bru (or McEwan's Export on Burn's Night (or indeed on any other night (or several cans))).


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