16 of 17 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars
An adoptive Mum's View, 13 April 2008
I heard about this book about 2 years ago and to be honest, I was scared to read it. The reviews implied that it would be uncomfortable reading for me and it loomed on the shelf, often pricking my conscience. Well this week, 'I bit the bullet', so to speak. I am so glad I did. I am not sure I agree with all of the theory but the fact that so many adoptees do, means that it does resonate with their experience and they are the important ones in the adoption triad.
I think that the concept of the huge pain originating from the original separation makes perfect sense. I can not fully empathize with my children's experience as I was not adopted, to that end this book is so very useful. I am glad that this author champions the needs of adoptees who are the most vulnerable in the decision making of others. I don't really care if my children see me as their 'real mum', what I want is that in life they can feel happy with who they are and proud of their first and second families. The book has helped me but I do wish it had a little more in the way of practical advice. Overall I do think prospective adopters should read this book and birth-mothers who are considering adoption too.
Sometimes, it feels that the author tries to explain all types of behaviors or feelings as adoption related, as this is one factor in a person's life, I am not sure it explains everything. I do think that many non-adoptees would also claim to similar feelings.
To other adoptive parents, I suggest you read this book as it is very insightful and it demonstrates that our children have suffered a momentous loss through adoption, we should all acknowledge their pain and support them as they work through these issues.