The Official Amazon Football Thread - Second Leg

Here is where we come for an escape from gaming. We've built up some decent friendships discussing games on this forum, and it's understandable that some of us may have other interests as well, so here is where we talk about football and any other sport really. The banter is quality, without the blind fanboyism of other football forums, and we all generally get on and have a laugh.

So what do we do? All sorts of football news can be communicated through here, especially interesting during Transfer Windows, people like to give match reports from their team, we all bang our heads against Capello's selection brick wall and we all have a go at predicting results in various competitions for a bit of fun. Anyone is welcome, regardless of the team you support, as long as it's not Man City.

So who've we got?

Firstly, most importantly, is Lill, a top bloke who not only sold me an Xbox, but also single-handedly saved QPR from relegation just by saying they were certain to go down. Supports Leicester and doesn't like Johnny Evans.

RAB (Ryan): Man United supporter, lives in Portsmouth, is liable to spend obscene amounts of money travelling to Old Trafford. Has a man crush on Wesley Sneijder, and is also an avid rugby league fan, supporting his hometown of Wigan. Believes far too much of what he reads during a transfer window. Spammer of the thread and loves a good marine.

Dave Lagout: Chelsea fan who lives in Cumbria (don't ask why, not sure even he knows). Sadly can't post during the working day as much as he used to. Has a massive man crush on Juan Mata. Really wants Chelsea to sign Eden Hazard for some reason. Bumder of the Year and winner of the Fernando Carroll award for longest dry streak.

Stew: Liverpool fan from Norwich (eh?). Publicly acknowledges that his club spent £20m on Jordan Henderson. Also an avid follower of female jelly wrestling, and founder of the Amazon Jelly Wrestling League. Smooth talker and lady wooer extraordinaire. Has a man crush on Stephen Kelly. Or Martin Kelly. Can't remember which. Maybe it's Stevie G. Thread playboy.

Will: Liverpool fan from Wales. Notable achievements: Persuading a girl to defecate on his chest. Probably really pleased that fellow Welshman Craig Bellamy signed for Liverpool, can't be sure, never asked him. Deviant of the year.

Bozz: Huddersfield fan from....... Huddersfield! (Le Gasp!) Catchphrase: "Keep your thieving hands off Jordan Rhodes!" (formerly Antony Pilkington... we all know how that went) Always quick to remind us of their unbeaten league run, and is actually quite a handy amateur player himself. Or so he tells us. Thread hero.

Mike: Shrewsbury fan from Shrewsbury! Season ticket holder at their ground, and gives outstandingly in-depth match reports every Saturday afternoon. This year is their year, but not if they defend like that. But hopefully they can keep up their run. Oh great. SALOP SALOP SALOP!

Steve: An Irish Chelsea fan. Also like Gaelic football, currently to be found floating in a vat of Guinness following Ireland's Euro qualification. Mr Nice Guy of the Thread

We also have the occasional posts from Bri, a Geordie Liverpool fan who occasionally interrupts our frivolity with some sensible stuff about TV Rights and the like, and a newer addition of Waxy, some much needed back-up to the Red Army.

Aamod (Prankster) - Foreign import who supports Real Madrid. Winner of the Venky's award for being Indian. Has a man crush on Kaka and hates Menezez for keeping him out the Brazil squad.

And the Jock contingent:

Nessy: Delboy of the forum, supports Celtic. You ask where anything will be in any period of time, he'll tell you.

Greggles: All-round good chap and normally the first poster of the day. Supports wee Hearts

Oh and there's also Chris and Si who post every no and then. EVERYONE HAPPY!?!!?!

Now, where were we?

Not even a mention.............*crys in corner*

Hi guys, my name is Dave and you may know me as Lagout. But please, call me Dave as gamertags are for virgins.

So here we are on our second football thread, well, it's actually our third but thanks to a server meltdown our initial thread died a bit. Well done to Ryan for contributing to 90% of the posts on the football thread, we wouldn't be here without you that's for sure.

Now unlike Ryan i've met a few people from here so i'll be able to write something that wasn't copied from a post several months ago. I just have to be careful not to swear or Amazon will punish me and delete this slot for eternity. Bumders.

Rear Admiral Bumder (Leeds - 18th and sacked) - Or Ryan for short. He wears a red shirt when he's not out at Christmas parties pulling G.I Joe. No not Liverpool, it's that team that's managed by ol' bacon face. He has a thing for Phil Jones but then again who doesn't? After all he is the next Paul Scholes. Ryan's hobbies include driving to work and injecting his dogs. What with I don't know.

Stew (Burnley - 7th place) - Stew is a pervert basically, hence why he's welcomed onto this thread with open arms. He's based in Norwich and puts paper in printers as his job. He's known as the thread lothario for his ability to successfully chat up 1 in every 30 girls, let's put it to the guy atleast he's got the guts to do it without drugging them. Although in our defence it's probably quite different chatting up your own cousin. Oh he's a Liverpool fan by the way and he cried when they won the Carling Cup. Against Cardiff. In penalties.

Will (Derby - 19th and Sacked) - A Welshman, and we thought these became extinct. I mean how are they not when cross breeding with sheep is thought impossible. Anyway that's the pointless but necessary Welsh joke out of the way. Will isn't your typical Welshman of course, he's even more cruder than you imagine. When you meet Will in a night club and he asks you to join him in the bathroom, believe me, it's not what you think. We look forward to our Monday morning posts from Will just to see quite how messed up his weekend was. Atleast he makes us feel normal. Another Liverpool fan, just what we needed.......Will's mum never used to make him cups of tea, this displeased me very much.

Bozz (Bristol - Sacked) - Probably one of the few guys who can hold a conversation with exciteable Mike due to him supporting a local team, they can actually relate to one another. I wish I knew where Huddersfield were in the table to actually talk about them, but as Bozz has an obssession with not letting Jordon Rhodes leave Huddersfield so i'll imagine that little fella is keeping them up top somewhere. We were all surprised when Lee Clark was sacked so I can't imagine what was going throgh Bozz's mind, what was it? Something like 500 games unbeaten?

Mike - Mike lives in a mansion somewhere near Shrewsbury, I know he does as his house phone plays classical music. Mike is admired for his passion and dedication to his team, his input is appreciated as it makes this thread look less like a pack of glory hunters. Mike is the thread grump, unless your bone is sticking out of your leg when you're tackled he doesn't believe it's a foul. He'll hold all results null and void from any team that has an owner worth more than £100,000 and spends more than a packet of half eaten chewits and a 5 month old Bella magazine on a new player. He likes to make fapping noises too.

Steve (Crystal Palace - Sacked) - Steve is our Irish input, he's a grounded guy who i'm proud to support Chelsea with. He left me for a while during Chelsea's downfall and I went insane, i've only just forgiven him. As long as Steve's around I won't have to tie hamsters to handkerchiefs to see if they'll float as a way to relieve stress. Believed to be in his 30's so possibly the daddy of the group.

Bri (Barnsley - 6th place) - One of the smartest on the thread, although you wouldn't think so with his team choice. Liverpool. Posted pages and pages of reports during the Suarez racist case. I tried reading it I really did, but then I remembered I hated Suarez and couldn't care less. Were you defending him Bri? I can't remember. Apparently once was on trial for a well known Premier League football club, failed due to having too many brain cells and likeable principles.

Nessy - Thanks for Feruz mate. Original creator of the first thread but disbanded during the heated times. I think he was being chased by pitch forks? Will be known to get into a few arguments but does have valuable input, particularly when it comes to Scottish football. Supports Celtic and has a fairly open view on English football, always nice enough to apologise for any ignorance he shows during his predictions, despite doing well.

Aamod - Only a recent forumite but he's a very likeable poster, not to mention he's filling our quota for cultural diversity. Aamod can be found in India and has a better English vocabulary than i'd say, well, all of us. Supports Real Madrid and has a man crush on Kaka. Have you ever seen Piazon Aamod? You'd be in heaven if the two were ever in the same room. Also supports Arsenal but he doesn't mention those very often. No idea why.

Bally Smash (Peterborough - 20th and Sacked) - Rangers fan but think he's soon to be come a Newcastle supporter. Rumoured to recently wake up with the entrails of a lamb on his bed and broking plumbing. I think of the guy as one of those wearbears you get when younger, looks scary but is incredibly cuddly.

Stopharage (Doncaster - 9th place) - Supports Leicester. Lucky they're not in the EPL as the amount of managers they go through could become noticable and people may give a kazoo. So unlucky with football that not only a few months ago did he run into a wall and damage his knee, but recently got felled by his shadow and badly sprained his ankle, a week on crutches!

Rich - Only comes on to boast about Arsenal. Think i've seen him twice this season.

Tom Aka Waxy - We met next to a gigantic stallion, the war horse that was prepared to take on Wigan in case things got a little out of hand. A little over cautious though as Wigan looked like a scene from 28 days later. Can be seen sporting a united shirt but will claim he's more interested in Rugby when United lose.

Si (Birmingham City 4th place): Has an addiction for friendlies on Soccer Manager and picking fights with young kids. Spurs fan apparently, can't remember him talking much about Spurs?

Is that it? Is that everyone? Ahh ok then.

Ahh yes, Waxy, Si, Chris your time will come. I just have to gather more information!

Right, ok i'm done.........

GREGGLES! (Hull - 8th place) - Supports some team in Scotland, think they won a cup recently? He shouted up about it in Birmingham but no one seemed to care enough to remember. Herbs? Ferts? Aberdeen I think it is. Provides us with early morning information to read whilst eating our toast and drinking our orange juice, we kind of forget Gregg's been in work for 2 hours already. Gregg has a celebrity cousin who plays for a premier league team, when Craig isn't at home Gregg goes around and steals all his kit then passes it off as if he's borrowed them and they're on good terms. Gregg insists he's a goalkeeper yet managed to concede 8 goals in just 20 minutes during the North Vs south 4 vs 5 football match.

Mick (Porstmouth - 5th place) - Mick is the other Dolphin Brother, you'd be fogiven for thinking how on earth they were related though. Unlike Bri, Mick has actually chosen to support his local team, a choice well paid when Newcastle finished above Liverpool last season which gives Mick atleast 3 months of teasing time. Mick's not known for his delicate tongue unlike Bri (oo er) for in London he openly told a guy he was being a ****. The bloke was left stunned and just agreed with him thus resulting in us winning the taxi. Now Mick's Geordie tone's could scare any bloke, but at just 5"3 (there or there abouts) he's harmless.

Myself (Nottingham Forest - League 2 Champions)- Hi I'm Dave, what can I say about myself? Well i'm probably the good looking one of the group, but to be fair it's hardly anything to boast about. I support Chelsea, I never grew up with football as my dad's about as sporty as Rik Waller's personal trainer so it was a case of picking a team with alot of England players at the time. Lucky that was Chelsea. Now i'm about as obssessed as the rest of them and get to away games when I can, I say away games it's because I live 270 miles from Stamford Bridge.

Haha I'm guessing Ryan C&P'd this from before!

Hi my names Will and I like football.

I'd like to say that not only did you use my title suggestion - you missed me from the OP.

This is where we part ways. Back to the Clan Hut.

He can't have he added Aamod.

For the record I did not persuade the girl to poo on my chest. She persuaded me to allow her.

And also last post Bri got a full metion as where he's been demoted to a footnote.

my last three posts: definition of being a c-unit :D [these are all jokes mixed with fact, but I am missing from the OP :'(]

Woohoo new thread!
In honour of this, there'll be a RoyalJelly rumble! :D

My mistake! I only looked at my part being the selfish man i am!

Yay! RoyalJelly Rumble. Sounds epic.

Back to topic now, does anybody else think Chelsea are going to get mullered at the Nou camp?

yayyyy new thread

SALOP SALOP SALOP SALOP SALOP SALOP

Predictions for tonight:

Stew:
Atletico Madrid 2-1 Valencia
Sporting 1-2 Athletic Bilbao

Dave:
Atletico Madrid 2-2 Valencia
Sporting 1-2 Athletic Bilbao

Bozz:
Atletico Madrid 2-1 Valencia
Sporting 1-1 Athletic Bilbao

Waxy:
Atletico Madrid 2-2 Valencia
Sporting 1-3 Athletic Bilbao

Will:
Atletico Madrid 4-3 Valencia
Sporting 5-4Athletic Bilbao

Mike:
Atletico Madrid 2-1 Valencia
Sporting 1-2 Athletic Bilbao

Nessy:
Atletico Madrid 1-3 Valencia
Sporting 2-0 Athletic Bilbao

Standings:
Nessy: 1
Mike: 1

And if you don't like it feel free to make a breakaway thread.

Bumders the lot of you.

Someone text Bri.

My Guess.....might aswell get into it

Atletico Madrid 3-1 Valencia
Sporting 3-2 Athletic Bilbao

Anyway I feel at home already lads. Good stuff Ryan.

Yeah, I still think Barca will go through Chris. I think they'll be too strong at the Nou Camp.

I think Barca will win but when its your year its your year and Chelsea had that sort of feeling around them last night!

At the time I didn't have a mention. I do now.

RAB - you missed Bally....I think there maybe a centrigue made of a pool ball and a sock coming towards you :S

Royal Jelly Rumble - sounds like a sandwich :D

Thanks Ryan...and come 19th May, Hearts'll be nae wee team!! [plus it's always the hibees that are the wee team anyway ;)]

As for Chelsea - I think they might put up a better fight than what you'd think. Id Robbie get's it right again and blocks out all the decent players and shrouds them like they did last night, it's gonna be a corker of a game :D

[Yea top effort Ryan :) love these OP's =P]

Congratulations on the new thread. May there always be a space for football banter!

A 17 year old has upset his club (Norwich) by getting pictures of the new kit and releasing them early
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-norfolk-17767236

Congrats on the new thread lads.