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Longest Amazon review


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Showing 1-25 of 26 posts in this discussion
Initial post: 25 May 2012 16:09:03 BDT
The longest Amazon review anywhere is probably this one of an iPad, which has a 12-word caption and 5.383 words in the body of the review, making a total of 5,395 words

http://www.amazon.com/review/R16U71KO7POLA2

The longest review posted on Amazon UK is another American review, appearing here because nobody has posted a UK review. It also has a 12-word caption, but contains just 5,137 words in the body of the review, making a total of 5,149 words.

The Haunted Universe

I don't think reiews of such a length would get past the UK filters. What is the longest review actually posted on Amazon UK rather than appearing here but marked "Published in U.S." ?

I've written one with 1,370 words in the body plus an 11 word caption for a total of 1,381 words, but surely somebody has seen a longer one?

In reply to an earlier post on 25 May 2012 16:20:14 BDT
Do hyphenated words count as one or two?

Posted on 25 May 2012 16:35:42 BDT
Wow - I'm utterly speechless! - I've also got a splitting headache now too.
Thanks though for that interesting Amazon fact, Peter.

It's always great to find a thorough review,.....
but did anybody else out there simply lose the will to live after the first 17 paragraphs?

Tech spec wise, he lost me somewhere around his - "Fingerprint-resistant oleophobic coating"

Posted on 25 May 2012 16:42:10 BDT
The Truth says:
The guantlet has been well and truly thrown down!

Shame I couldn't be bothered to read it.

Posted on 25 May 2012 17:39:52 BDT
Crookedmouth says:
My review of the resident evil 1-4 box set runs to 2050 words. I'll admit it's a mash up of four seperate reviews, so it's probably cheating...

Posted on 26 May 2012 07:30:44 BDT
Chris Hall says:
My review of the anthology 'M Is For Monster' runs for a total of 4686 words (just shy of the 5,000 word limit).

http://www.amazon.co.uk/review/R1SNM1CYNSRIKD/ref=cm_cr_pr_perm?ie=UTF8&ASIN=B0049P1QOQ&nodeID=&tag=&linkCode=

It pays to know the limits when you're a particularly verbose and waffling reviewer!

In reply to an earlier post on 26 May 2012 09:57:58 BDT
The rules are set by whatever word processor you use to do the counting. It's never even occurred to me to find out those rules.

In reply to an earlier post on 26 May 2012 10:02:14 BDT
And I thought John Prescott was unique :-(

Posted on 26 May 2012 12:50:20 BDT
"but did anybody else out there simply lose the will to live after the first 17 paragraphs?"

I usually stop at the stars.

In reply to an earlier post on 26 May 2012 13:20:34 BDT
The Truth says:
LOL

Posted on 27 May 2012 21:48:54 BDT
Last edited by the author on 27 May 2012 21:52:10 BDT
monica says:
Peter, to give you a short answer, shall we assume that amazon book reviews are under discussion? and shall we assume that--as we drink really superior espresso as we watch the world go by--that we are American reviewers? Unlike you--nay, unlike all on this thread and probably like those in the world we're watching go by ( or 'passer' because, as we all know but hate to admit, French is often the language of choice when concision is demanded) a .com reviewer of a certain sort constructs unreadably long book reviews that reek of an attempt to convince others (utter strangers, bien sur) that though the reviewer is chums with the readers of his reviews he is also extremely clever and erudite. Some readers are I'm sure convinced, just as some of the people in the world going by would have been convinced by Jacqueline Suzanne's ridiculous attempt to pass herself off as Jean Paul Sartre at a costume party in the autumn of 1962.

This tactic might be the result of the reviewer's high school English teachers having been a touch over-enthusiastic when marking essays that contained a few words of more than one syllable. And of, shouts my inner cynic, book reviews in NYRB and LRB: Self-indulgence, as Lorca said and poignantly illustrated in his study of the Latvian underclass You'll Have to Speak Up, rules ok. What it calls to my mind is the passage in Walter Benjamin's picaresque fancy Time, Gentlemen, Please, detailing the unexpected consequences of Jack's attempt to live up to (as it were) the barmaid's perception of him as a very spiritual guy. Not what it seems, that book; Benjamin has the rare talent of making the comic profound, or transforming the froth into the lees, just as Jerszy LeMartin can to our distress fashion the heartfelt depths into a skimming superficiality.

And you might ask why do these reviews seems with few exceptions to be written by men? Beauvoir, Sylvia 'Bell Jar' Plath, and Hermione O'Higgins-Clarkke, the last sadly unknown outside a circumscribed circle of fortunate cognescenti, had a few things to say about that. I like my readers suspect that these theorists-into-lifeists might have carried the argument a step too far, but that argument gave evidence now considered irrefutable that not only women but Hungarians and auks are, tout suite, human beings.

(I've not got the style nor diction quite right, and OP gave me no excuse whatsoever for making comparisons to Kafka & Borges, and it's boring to even write this stuff. There are very few long reviews I read through and if they are unreadably long I sometimes give a negative vote--though if I do, I post a comment explaining why I did.)

In reply to an earlier post on 27 May 2012 22:15:20 BDT
The worst are the ones who don't understand what paragraphs are for!

(VERY FUNNY btw Monica!)

In reply to an earlier post on 28 May 2012 09:45:52 BDT
The stars prove nothing. Those who actually read the reviews sometimes buy things based on 1-star reviews, and sometimes avoid things based on 5-star reviews. We all have different interests, different tastes, different needs, different priorities. You won't know why somebody else gives a particular star rating if you don't read what they say.

Posted on 28 May 2012 11:44:00 BDT
DKL says:
I absolutely deplore the one and two sentence reviews but most of the time less IS more. I appreciate a healthy long review but 5000+ words is slightly OTT.

In reply to an earlier post on 28 May 2012 12:34:14 BDT
Crookedmouth says:
I have a vague recollection of a professional review that was written about Michael Jackson's album, "Bad". It read simply...

"Yes"

(or something along those lines)

In reply to an earlier post on 28 May 2012 14:07:56 BDT
The Truth says:
Just saw this:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/forum/music/ref=cm_cd_ttp_emf_rft_tft_tp?_encoding=UTF8&cdForum=FxKJPF2WTXANLI&cdThread=TxOSY9FW3JOFY1

In reply to an earlier post on 29 May 2012 09:50:00 BDT
Was your post an ironic way of saying that some people write reviews that are too long?

PS - I must point out that I carry Hungarian blood, although it's been diluted over the 26 generations that it's taken to pass down to me from a Hungarian woman born more than 690 years before I was. She married an Italian and their daughter married a Frenchman. The daughter of that couple married a Hainaulter (approximately equivalent to a Belgian these days) and their daughter married an Englishman. Their great-granddaughter (born illegitimately but later legitimised by Act of Parliament) married a Scotsman and all subsequent generations were born in Scotland up to and including my father. So I do hope that Hungarians are human :-)

In reply to an earlier post on 29 May 2012 09:52:30 BDT
Last edited by the author on 30 May 2012 10:01:03 BDT
As I've posted elsewhere, the shortest review I've seen just said "Pity" - and not "something like that". So as you aren't sure what the review said, I'll continue claiming "Pity" as the shortest professional review I know about.

In reply to an earlier post on 29 May 2012 09:55:26 BDT
Last edited by the author on 31 May 2012 10:11:18 BDT
Some of those seem to have been deleted including those with fewer than four letters.

In reply to an earlier post on 29 May 2012 10:02:18 BDT
The Truth says:
I thought their was a minimum word count for reviews on Amazon?

In reply to an earlier post on 29 May 2012 10:13:01 BDT
20 - but that's relatively recent.

Posted on 29 May 2012 18:36:59 BDT
Quiverbow says:
The minimum word count should be increased to 100.

In reply to an earlier post on 29 May 2012 21:08:04 BDT
monica says:
Unreadably so. They're invariably I think drawing attention to the reviewer's splendidness rather than describing the book. As good a place as any to tell you that I've found your website fascinating .

And a better place still to thank Truth for the link (and to gently remind him that speaking of his former obssession with his amazon ranking as if it were in the very distant past is a failure to live up to his user name [smiley face here]).

In reply to an earlier post on 30 May 2012 13:56:06 BDT
Last edited by the author on 30 May 2012 13:56:45 BDT
The Truth says:
Monica, I honestly couldn't give a toss what rank I am anymore and have given up trying to climb the chart as it no longer interests me.

I admit - I don't want to drop out of the 100 but that is as far as my interest goes; testament to this is the fact I no longer review as frequently as I did or - even more tellingly - bother to wash my votes... not unless they get a ridiculously high negative count anyway.

I still write reviews, but that is different to being bothered about my climbing the chart.

Posted on 30 May 2012 14:16:22 BDT
Me 2 -

I still like writing reviews, but it's more like doing a blog now. As for multiple posting and vote-cleansing... too much trouble. There's people here writing 7 or 8 reviews every day - 99% of the reviews are 5 star, often they're reposted with minimal changes and put on similar products...

I'm free to take unpopular viewpoints on certain products, and not care if I get negged for it. Infinitely preferable.
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Total posts:  26
Initial post:  25 May 2012
Latest post:  30 May 2012

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