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The complete bo**ocks, talk tripe, no music allowed thread

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Posted on 23 Sep 2011 15:37:25 BDT
A customer says:
moisturiser maybe ?

Posted on 23 Sep 2011 15:39:56 BDT
nephran says:
To lates for thatses Uncle Tim...Less elasticity in thems skin,so thems doctor says...Mese gotta have thems general anesthectics as well otherwise meses gonna be giving it lots of thems tearses...

Posted on 23 Sep 2011 16:25:20 BDT
easytiger says:
A long-winded discussion, no matter what the subject was to start off with, no matter type of people or wherever you are, always, without fail, ends up at this level; it's an unquestionable truth. Am I on the right thread here?

Posted on 23 Sep 2011 17:27:22 BDT
easytiger says:
A non-rustic tale, far away from seasicktim.
I stepped outside Terminal 4 into brilliant early morning sunshine, ready for a three week break in my adopted home town of Kingston upon Thames. As I passed by the throngs of holidaymakers leaving sunshine for hoped-for sunshine I happened to see a friend of mine, a mini-cab driver, making a drop. As luck would have it his next job was in Kingston so I jumped in and arrived at Kingston 25minutes later and gave him a drink.
He dropped me off at the end of Kingston bridge and as I was lightly baggaged, I took a walk along the river to get home.The river here in the summer, mid morning, is a really nice place to be after a 24hr journey by aeroplanes. I stopped and watched the majestic swans, the bustling ducks, the insecure on dry land wild geese nibbling at greenery, the passing boat-trippers off to Hampton Court or Richmond for the day, canoes and sculls gliding by, a bunch of kids trying their luck at carp with a bamboo cane and some cord, and then continued on. I stopped at a little kiosk with tables and chairs out-side and ordered a frappuccino and a cornetto,a minty one,which I consumed with relish.
As opening time now beckoned I left the riverside walked past the old Surrey County Hall and the Polytechnic, sorry University. The streets here are lined with London Plaines, a hardy tree which is common to most parts of London hence the name.
The flat I share here with the proprietor is in a conservation area. It's a converted basement flat and would have been the servants' quarters for the house upstairs in Victorian times when it was built.
The entrance is down a narrow driveway that leads to the back. As I was making my way round Hamlet the house-cat came to greet me as usual.
I went down the steps and opened the reclaimed hardwood front door to the kitchen cum breakfast room.
I was greeted by the proprietor and some scumbags who had reverted back to their smack habit.
I ignored them and went to my room which had been unoccuppied for six weeks when I was away. Most of the furniture and all of my CDs were gone.
I went back to the kitchen and inquired in a not so polite manner WTF was going on. By now the smack had settled and the proprietor informed me, cackling and sneering,that he'd had to sell everything because of his habit and to not mind because he would get it all back when he got himself sorted out. The other guys thought that was quite amusing.
I calmly returned to my room, packed up what was left and surprise, surprise one of my few possessions left was a Hurling stick which I use to have the occassional knock around on the green with the irish lads at my local.
Unfortunately in my efforts to wish them a hearty goodbye with said stick I got a little bit too exuberent and ambulances were the order of the day.
I quickly made my way to Richmond Park to be at one with nature again until the dust settled and after a few days I resurfaced and now live happily ever after in Surbiton.

Posted on 23 Sep 2011 17:40:18 BDT
A customer says:
I'm not sure about relish on a cornetto but each to their own

Posted on 23 Sep 2011 17:52:43 BDT
easytiger says:
Oy, any more o that and I'm off to see the pigmies.

Posted on 23 Sep 2011 17:55:15 BDT
A customer says:
And the wonderfull wizard of oz ?

In reply to an earlier post on 23 Sep 2011 18:12:36 BDT
El Grande says:
this has turned into twitter...

In reply to an earlier post on 23 Sep 2011 18:17:12 BDT
well as twitter would be if there was no limit on the length of the post.

In reply to an earlier post on 23 Sep 2011 19:28:03 BDT
lucyglitters says:
well easytiger, i was telling a colleague how i refuse to have my coil removed because hank wangford, the singing gynaecologist, put it in and said it could stay there for the duration and one of the sales guys caught the conversation (we were all out smoking) and started telling me how i should get it changed regularly and i said no way is any eejit pulling that thing out of me, all the effort it took to get it in, and he had to walk away and i shouted, go back to your bums, because he sells one of our laxatives . . .

Posted on 24 Sep 2011 03:15:48 BDT
Mondo Ray says:
Gosh, ain't life grand in old England ... ?

Posted on 24 Sep 2011 07:48:41 BDT
easytiger says:
This is the third time I've tried to post some 5hite-hello Mr Amazon where the fks it gone?

Posted on 24 Sep 2011 10:01:45 BDT
Last edited by the author on 24 Sep 2011 10:02:19 BDT
A customer says:
If you put aside the obese and the torys it ain't half bad :) Although I havn't lived there for 10 years myself

Posted on 24 Sep 2011 10:34:46 BDT
easytiger says:
That's obvious.

In reply to an earlier post on 24 Sep 2011 10:41:08 BDT
Brass Neck says:
What about the obese Tories?

Posted on 24 Sep 2011 16:37:47 BDT
easytiger says:
Well we've had a few wars in the last 10 years and to my mind I can't recall an obese Tory starting any of them.

Posted on 24 Sep 2011 16:48:48 BDT
A customer says:
Only because they couldn't pull themselves away from a jumbo bag of crisps or pull out of a rent boy long enough to do anything other than sign an expense form

Posted on 24 Sep 2011 16:49:36 BDT
Or they're all busy building mansions with moats, and huntin' shootin' and fishin'

In reply to an earlier post on 24 Sep 2011 16:52:47 BDT
Brass Neck says:
Cameron couldn't wait to bomb Libya whatever the rights or wrongs of doing so.

Posted on 24 Sep 2011 16:58:54 BDT
easytiger says:
Oh the venomous anti-Tory cliche brigade! I'm not a tory and this isn't a political thread but for heaven's sake take a peep over your pretty garden fence and see what 13 yrs of shyster lawyers masquerading as labour politicians have done to my country, Iraq and Afghanistan to name a few and then come back and say something intelligent.

Posted on 24 Sep 2011 17:05:51 BDT
A customer says:
Well i suppose I'd class em all as tories and equally scummy

Posted on 24 Sep 2011 17:09:14 BDT
Mondo Ray says:
easytiger - how very well said mate!

In reply to an earlier post on 24 Sep 2011 17:11:44 BDT
Brass Neck says:
They were NEW Labour shysters, ie tories masquerading as ........... what? Not socialists anyhow.

Posted on 24 Sep 2011 17:14:13 BDT
easytiger says:
Well thankyou very much Mondo, much appreciated.

Posted on 24 Sep 2011 17:21:08 BDT
easytiger says:
Oh so anybody who isn't a socialist is a Tory?
Left-on Brasso.
Read the Crass lyrics on the thread mate.
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Discussion in:  rock discussion forum
Participants:  82
Total posts:  5161
Initial post:  16 Sep 2011
Latest post:  1 day ago

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