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Much younger/older partners - Friendship/Romance: Beyond cut off yrs.


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Initial post: 27 Jan 2010 10:35:38 GMT
Last edited by the author on 30 Oct 2011 23:22:03 GMT
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Posted on 28 Jan 2010 22:47:34 GMT
Mr Smith says:
I'm sure more people would get involved in this discussion if you explained what you mean in language that makes some sense. Just because it says "Philosophy" above the post doesn't mean it has to be incoherent. Suggest you try the edit function.

Posted on 7 Jun 2010 23:01:07 BDT
Shakti~ says:
errr, I concur with the above post, wtf are you on about D R Kates???

In reply to an earlier post on 19 Jun 2010 22:23:54 BDT
Last edited by the author on 19 Jan 2012 19:03:43 GMT
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In reply to an earlier post on 19 Jun 2010 22:23:57 BDT
[Deleted by the author on 27 Jun 2010 11:36:54 BDT]

In reply to an earlier post on 19 Jun 2010 22:34:51 BDT
Dreamer says:
Now I'm really confused. Can you explain that again using short single syllable words that can be understood by my poor, abused brain.

In reply to an earlier post on 20 Jun 2010 10:39:07 BDT
Last edited by the author on 19 Jan 2012 19:08:06 GMT
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In reply to an earlier post on 20 Jun 2010 12:38:51 BDT
Dreamer says:
I really can't understand most of what you are saying. You use a lot of terms I am unfamiliar with, in contexts I am unfamiliar with. I am not a sociologist or a psychologist so do you think you could explain in laymans terms.

Posted on 20 Jun 2010 14:02:10 BDT
monica says:
Dreamer, think what you're doing here. . .we don't need a repeat of the whole Joel, Holden episode. . .

Posted on 20 Jun 2010 14:34:39 BDT
[Deleted by the author on 31 May 2013 22:16:05 BDT]

In reply to an earlier post on 20 Jun 2010 17:14:28 BDT
Last edited by the author on 19 Jan 2012 19:18:27 GMT
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In reply to an earlier post on 20 Jun 2010 20:56:18 BDT
Dreamer says:
I think I understand what you are on about now.

Posted on 21 Jun 2010 21:28:31 BDT
Last edited by the author on 20 Jan 2012 18:28:04 GMT
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Posted on 21 Jun 2010 21:38:55 BDT
I'm 41 and my girlfriend is 25 . I don't have an opinion on the subject , I just wanted to tell everyone.

In reply to an earlier post on 21 Jun 2010 22:08:32 BDT
Dreamer says:
I am unclear about what you mean by active friendship.

Posted on 22 Jun 2010 12:44:05 BDT
Last edited by the author on 16 Jun 2013 13:21:48 BDT
MARK
There are no absolutes in terms of "cut-off years", only a very near absolute range, though it is indeed quite possible that you have of chance(?) found yourself with one of the very few, and apparently socially unprogrammed exceptions? Cut-off years, years beyond which the female is incapable, irrespective of what she may wish, to journey in terms of active friendship, is broadened by the age of twenty five. The cut-off here is typically late thirties to about fifty. Gradual revealment may add a few more years. The cut-off years for active friendships are substantially the same as for an ordinary dating relationship, or, an active friendship leading to one. You are probably quite near the outer limits though, and this regardless of your real age (how much you`ve actually aged). The bottom line is only time since birth, nothing else, and this is what is so very wrong.
DREAMER
Active friendship is a friendship with the mutual capacity, and the realisation, of meeting-up by way of said times and places. In respect to one of the closest of frienships I`ve ever had with anyone, and as consequence of being beyond cut-off years, there is not that capacity - She is not therefore ageist, certainly not ageopathic, neither is she predisposed to only her peers, but she is ultimately still programmed, enough that the same rules apply. The perception which is part of programming, the emotional element at least, is that active friendship can only ever mean the same as active dating, except of course if you happen to fall within the more virile/less likely in reality to be mainly about friendship age range.
Are these answers adequate?

9type)

Posted on 22 Jun 2010 13:49:40 BDT
Mr. Bde Wall says:
I think what you are saying is that people are becoming increasingly (tacitly) ageist, and people are less comfortable (or even capable) of engaging in friendships with those who are of a very different age to themselves. Can I ask why you see ageism increasing in this way? I dont know the social research on this issue. Is this specifically an issue in the western world? Also, what do you see as the causes of this increase in ageism as a tacitly accepted base in our discursive practices?

In reply to an earlier post on 22 Jun 2010 14:39:04 BDT
Dreamer says:
I understand now. So you are saying that people are programmed by society not to be friends with people with too great an age difference.

Posted on 22 Jun 2010 20:26:21 BDT
Last edited by the author on 16 Jun 2013 13:23:20 BDT
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In reply to an earlier post on 22 Jun 2010 22:27:58 BDT
Dreamer says:
Ah I see, so this is about older men not being able to be friends with teenage girls, because of society.
You may have a point, but I think that a large amount of it is self defensive. If you are friends with someone much older the odds are that they will die first. Who wants their friends to die before they do?

In reply to an earlier post on 22 Jun 2010 23:10:14 BDT
Last edited by the author on 22 Jun 2010 23:22:48 BDT
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Posted on 22 Jun 2010 23:19:44 BDT
Mr. Bde Wall says:
Dear D.R Kates,

It is interesting that you now see 'nature' (or innate drives and instincts) as playing a more minimal role in this form of age based social norm, and where you ask how you would study this, "Where could you start, and whom might you ask capable of realizing a considered answer?" what sprang to my mind was to undergo a 'genealogy of subjectification'. What is meant here, is that if indeed it is innate and 'natural' it should be the normal practice globally and historically. If it is not, traces of differing discursive practice should be identifiable, as an underlying feature in historical biographies and in across modern cultures; in the way that Focault outlined differing addresses of madness, for example. This certainly wouldnt be an easy task, but it seems one way of looking into whether teenage girls show little interest in older men by nature or by nurture (although still I hate that distinction!)

You finished, "I now believe that nature still plays a part, but not the main one, the main one may be envy". Envy? I dont follow what you mean here?

Many thanks

Posted on 23 Jun 2010 00:01:38 BDT
Last edited by the author on 23 Jun 2010 08:35:50 BDT
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In reply to an earlier post on 23 Jun 2010 10:24:24 BDT
Dreamer says:
I'm not saying that people conciously decide not to be friends with someone because they will probably die first. But subconciously they may seek to protect themselves by avoiding high risk friendships.

Posted on 23 Jun 2010 19:06:56 BDT
Last edited by the author on 20 Jan 2012 19:02:50 GMT
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Participants:  55
Total posts:  1456
Initial post:  27 Jan 2010
Latest post:  7 days ago

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