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Bad manners from a party guest

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Showing 1-25 of 47 posts in this discussion
Initial post: 1 Jan 2014 19:31:40 GMT
Basho says:
How badly behaved is it for a guest at a house party to take back home the alcohol that they brought to the party?

I'm guessing its pretty bad behaviour, but the guest is a friend (well, the girlfriend of a friend), and she has done this on two occasions at our house. This last time it was noticed by other guests and commented upon.

How can we address this issue without damaging our friendship?

In reply to an earlier post on 1 Jan 2014 19:33:06 GMT
Last edited by the author on 1 Jan 2014 19:34:32 GMT
CBRetriever says:
say thank you when you accept it from her and then put it in a cabinet (make sure and have a bottle of something similar to drink for her) and then she might get the idea that it's a gift to you

or else have another friend who's also brought a bottle come up right as she goes to grab her bottle and take his bottle and say; "Now where do you want me to put this bottle I brought for the party?"

Posted on 1 Jan 2014 19:45:45 GMT
Last edited by the author on 1 Jan 2014 19:50:01 GMT
Ethereal says:
Or open the bottle and offer it around so it wouldn't be worth taking away again.

What an interesting question and situation I've never come across before ... I've been to parties where people were asked to bring food and drink and at the end what was left was shared among them, but not when staple drinks and food were provided by the hosts.

If she does this at all parties she's onto a good thing!

Posted on 1 Jan 2014 19:51:18 GMT
Clagg says:
You either mention it to her, saying you noticed she took her drink home and ask why, and risk the friendship, or you bite your lip.

If you fear that much for your friendship so much then the friend isn't really that much of a friend anyway.

In reply to an earlier post on 1 Jan 2014 20:29:10 GMT
Ethereal says:
The problem might be the friend then feels obliged to defend the girlfriend ('your friend insulted me so I want you to cut off contact with them or lose me ...') in which case it might be better to have a discrete word with the friend rather than confront the girlfriend directly, leaving them to sort it between themselves.

As to why she does it, maybe she's broke or has a drink problem or it's accepted behaviour in her social circles ...

Now I feel like an Agony Aunt though not sure how good at it I'd be!

In reply to an earlier post on 1 Jan 2014 21:50:51 GMT
Ange says:
Punch er in the k.nickers, or round the gob

Posted on 1 Jan 2014 22:02:13 GMT
TREV says:
[Customers don't think this post adds to the discussion. Show post anyway. Show all unhelpful posts.]

Posted on 1 Jan 2014 22:23:06 GMT
Ange says:
Not unless we can help!!

Posted on 1 Jan 2014 22:42:16 GMT
No damage to frienship here, doesn't look like much of one!

Posted on 1 Jan 2014 22:46:13 GMT
I would give her the bill for the drinks she has already had. Then tell the silly b#@?+ ch to go and never to return

Posted on 1 Jan 2014 23:50:00 GMT
G. says:
Make it the first bottle opened and place in a prime position where everyone will drink it.

In reply to an earlier post on 2 Jan 2014 07:34:35 GMT
@Basho: I have assumed she and you are both English/British. You may want to check up on that though. In Norway it is protocol to take drinks to a party and take home anything that is left, the perfect host making sure that each guest is given their "left behinds" as they leave or in a small discreet baggie the next day. The host who tried to keep hold of any drinks would never be invited to another party.

We all have different cultural mores and it is possible that she is of Scandii decent and this is her up-bringing. It oculd also be that she is a tightwad and itr's easily solved by just opening and drinking whatever she brings. CW.

Posted on 2 Jan 2014 11:13:22 GMT
Whenever my circle of friends has a get together of some description, we generally tend to leave behind what is left. Then, at the next party we go to the bottles tend to be brought along from the previous time.

Posted on 2 Jan 2014 12:02:39 GMT
Jin says:
open the bottle and drink it DURING the party !!!

Posted on 2 Jan 2014 12:14:34 GMT
Fi esta says:
If it is a bottle of red, decant it and pour in prune juice in place of the wine...when she leaves with the bottle wish her a memorable night...

Posted on 2 Jan 2014 12:47:52 GMT
Tamburrt says:
send her a case of the same wine, explaining that you had not realised her financial plight was such that she had to take the wine she bought, home with her.

Posted on 2 Jan 2014 15:36:13 GMT
Beck says:
This is hardly bad manners, its just a different social norm to what you are used to.

In my social circle it is accepted that alcohol people bring with them, intended for their consumption is taken back with them, whether others drink it or not. I certainly can't afford to buy a new bottle of spirits everytime I get together with my friends and I'd feel insulted if I was asked to leave what I had brought.

If however it wasn't listed as a 'bring your own' party (or a party where I know my tastes wont be accommodated to) I would bring a gift for the party, but expect that would be opened and offered round to everyone and not to take back anything left over.

You should just mention to your friend what the accepted norm is in your social circle and its up to her whether she wants to follow your rules or not. If you don't want ger at your parties don't invite her.

Posted on 2 Jan 2014 17:34:34 GMT
Ethereal says:
Most intriguing to me is it's one thing for the host to notice but guests? I'd hope to be too busy enjoying myself to comment and if I did happen to note it would be wary of seeming catty about the girl ... unless others were privately wondering if they might follow suit and testing the waters to see how it might go down!
I wonder if the OP will return with her decision and how it went?

In reply to an earlier post on 2 Jan 2014 17:43:34 GMT
Last edited by the author on 2 Jan 2014 17:44:29 GMT
K. A. Newton says:
I remember a bloke used to turn up at parties (work colleague's birthdays and Christmas parties) with his bottle wrapped up in fancy paper. He would nonchalantly add it to all the other bottles on the table.

All night he would be drinking shorts but we found out his bottle was always Ginger Ale or Lemonade or perhaps a large bottle of beer. Naturally he never claimed it to take it home with him.

We had twigged it was him as no one else brought a wrapped bottle - one night I was a bit narked as he earned a lot more than me. I took it off him and opened it and said "Oh ! how nice of you, I can mix this with my Cinzano and the scotch. All the other girls started giggling. He left early and didn't come to any more parties for a while.

In reply to an earlier post on 2 Jan 2014 17:56:45 GMT
Last edited by the author on 2 Jan 2014 18:11:12 GMT
Ethereal says:
Ah, he maybe had twenty children, three exes to maintain and always in need of several stiff ones ...

Someone we knew had expensive tastes and only drank from his own bottle but more than happy to share it, guests like that are more than welcome and make up for the other sort!

In reply to an earlier post on 2 Jan 2014 18:10:48 GMT
K. A. Newton says:
Nope, he was single and fancy free - just very mean.

When we had leaving dos on company property (department store) - I was allowed (my boss had a entertainment budget) to order the lemonade and stuff like that at cost price - it came out of the collection towards the party so everyone paid towards it but if you wanted to drink scotch, or other more expensive stuff you brought a quarter bottle to work with you or bought one in the Drinks Department - that sort of thing. We usually gave the open left over bottles to the person leaving. The Security men knew when we were having an after hours party - one of them would turn up as people were leaving to make sure there was no strangers in the building.

Unopened bottles I signed my name on the label and stored them in a locked cupboard with a list and the bottles came out for the next leaving do.

Before you ask - I could not take them out of the building as the Store Detectives could have stopped me - more than my job was worth. If anyone took a bottle out of the cupboard with my name written on it the detectives would know it had been stolen.

Posted on 3 Jan 2014 10:09:37 GMT
Lauren says:
Hmm.. what a question!
At New Years, I bought a bottle of a particular spirit that a) no one else drank, and b) I had treated myself to it.
I didn't present the drink to 'the party'. I offered a few drinks to others with it in, who accepted and said thank you. However, on leaving before most others, at 2am, and that no one else was intending to consume my spirit, I took the bottle home with me. It's a very unique drink that doesn't really go into cocktails all that often.

As far as I'm aware, my friends do not judge me for this. What the hell would they do with it? And I expect the same behaviour of guests to my flat.

Posted on 3 Jan 2014 10:17:32 GMT
Lauren says:
Also, if you and your guests have chosen not to consume the alcohol she took with her, on two occasions, maybe she is under the impression that you do not like the alcohol she bought with her, and she is embarrassed?

Posted on 3 Jan 2014 13:02:45 GMT
Why would you take a drink to a party that nobody else likes?

In reply to an earlier post on 3 Jan 2014 13:04:26 GMT
Lauren says:
It wasn't intentional! It was a very unique drink that I thought some might like to try. But why would I take a drink I wouldn't like? Everyone brings a drink they like. I don't like Vodka or Whisky or Rum, so I took a spirit I did like.
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Discussion in:  kindle discussion forum
Participants:  26
Total posts:  47
Initial post:  1 Jan 2014
Latest post:  4 Jan 2014

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