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Come on - why don't we write our own book right here in the fiction forum ? I'll do the first sentence, and then jump in....hold on, here we go...


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Posted on 20 Apr 2014 10:27:43 BDT
Last edited by the author 17 minutes ago
Of course the answer, as everyone knows, is hard boiled. That way the eggs can have little faces drawn on them by an artistic member of the crew to amuse the children.

Posted on 20 Apr 2014 09:09:20 BDT
P. Cobb says:
And, right on cue, who should appear returning across the harbour side but said Captain Jack, Jack Tar and Voice Captain Staines.
"Arrr, ahoy there, lass!" shouted the merry matelot, having been doing the rounds of the Gibraltar bars and drinking dens. He waved to the lady with the pencil, and pointed to the cardboard box under his arm.
"Oi ain't fergot 'ee, or the little whelks. We've brart eggs fer every 'un.'
The lady with the pencil forgot how hard done by she felt in an instant, and stood smiling, in anticipation.
"Ow d'ye want 'em cooked, me dear - froid or boiled? 'Appy Eashter."

Posted on 19 Apr 2014 20:00:16 BDT
Handybird says:
Meanwhile, back in the port of Gibraltar, aboard the Salty Sue, Jill's triplets were hoping the Easter Bunny would remember them, as were :) :) and :(.
The lady with the pencil was hoping the Captain would return soon along with all her shipmates, she was growing tired of doing all their chores whilst they were away enjoying themselves. But more than that, she simply wanted to wish them all a very, very happy Eastertide, :O) agreed!

Posted on 18 Apr 2014 20:43:32 BDT
Last edited by the author on 18 Apr 2014 20:43:55 BDT
"Mwahaha!" chuckled the surgeon Mr. Cuttem who looked a lot like Sid James, as he eyed up the pretty young nurses in their mini-skirted uniforms as they leaned over the lift in an attempt to assist the patients.

Posted on 18 Apr 2014 09:22:11 BDT
[Deleted by the author on 18 Apr 2014 09:24:14 BDT]

Posted on 18 Apr 2014 07:27:28 BDT
Last edited by the author on 18 Apr 2014 08:11:04 BDT
Handybird says:
"You are indeed! Come along now, carry on!", a voice from behind replied impatiently. It was the matron who looked a lot like Hattie Jacques and who was trying her very best with the help of a couple of young nurses, to usher the patients through the now jammed revolving door, without causing too much commotion or indeed, panic.

In reply to an earlier post on 18 Apr 2014 05:08:44 BDT
Edgar Lewis says:
"Just testing" he said

Posted on 18 Apr 2014 00:13:32 BDT
Another patient, who looked a lot like Kenneth Williams, appeared wheeling his drip who looked a lot like Charles Hawtrey.

Posted on 18 Apr 2014 00:05:50 BDT
P. Cobb says:
"Interesting tattoo, mate," Burl said to a male patient as his hospital gown flapped open at the back. Burl had been unsuccessfully trying to squirt diet cola onto his fellow security guard, Bert, using his favourite water pistol his mum had bought him for his 8th birthday. "What does 'Lunar View' mean?"
"It's a full moon, pal,' replied the patient, climbing over the upended lift to get through the revolving doors, "a full moon."

Posted on 17 Apr 2014 21:41:35 BDT
Last edited by the author on 17 Apr 2014 21:54:39 BDT
The sprinklers went off again. Unfortunately, in the wake of the incident in the laundry chute, the tank was empty. A pitiful few drops of water fell onto flaming Bert and turned to steam. Soon the conflagration was spreading and fire alarms were sounding throughout the building.. The hospital staff began to appear in the foyer on their way to the designated meeting points in the car park. A few patients, the ones who could walk, appeared, wheeling their own drips or stumbling zombie-like in their hospital gowns.

Posted on 17 Apr 2014 21:07:23 BDT
Last edited by the author on 17 Apr 2014 21:09:00 BDT
Handybird says:
flames. Thankfully, spontaneous human combustion is very rare.
(Coincidentally, Bert's twin sister Betsy, who had some years previously moved to Gibraltar to live with her baker husband Bob, had also unfortunately met with an untimely demise in exactly the same manner.)

Posted on 17 Apr 2014 20:08:33 BDT
Mary says:
I don't know that one mate. But I know all the words to "Five Feet High and Rising" by Johnny Cash. With that he burst into song while Bert burst into....

Posted on 17 Apr 2014 19:39:50 BDT
Handybird says:
through force of habit, "You hum it mate an' I'll play it!" and pressing 'pause' on his game he pulled from his pocket the harmonica his Mum had given him for his 40th birthday.

Posted on 17 Apr 2014 17:16:26 BDT
P. Cobb says:
Bert strolled over to the Gatekeeper and Tallulah who were trying to ram the lift through the revolving doors.
"Excuse me, can I be of assistance?" he asked. In surprise, Tallulah left go her grip, and the lift dropped onto its rear corner.
"YIKES!" exclaimed Bert. "Do you know the lift is on my foot?"
With his attention fixed firmly on his game, Burl replied...

Posted on 17 Apr 2014 12:01:36 BDT
Eurythymia says:
Ahhhh. Health and safety gets us all in the end! The Gatekeeper felt anything but safe. Tallulah just felt exhausted. She never imagined lifting a lift! Her agent needed to start over on the contract....or maybe she should just get herself a new agent!

Posted on 17 Apr 2014 11:33:16 BDT
Last edited by the author on 17 Apr 2014 11:33:41 BDT
Handybird says:
"Them lift engineers look like they're strugglin' a bit!" Bert mumbled to Burl over his tea cup.
Burl looked up from his game and glanced towards the moving lift, "Hmm.." he hmmmed then returned to killing the bad guys.
"You need any help with that?" Bert shouted out over their desk, as Tallulah and the old man bumped into a chair near the revolving exit door, "I've completed my lifting and handling course!"

Posted on 17 Apr 2014 11:00:37 BDT
Last edited by the author on 17 Apr 2014 11:02:03 BDT
It looked very odd, moving towards the foyer with four bare legs sticking out underneath it.

The escapers had decide to use the lift as a disguise and, with the help of the old man's Swiss army knife had removed it from the lift-shaft and were now carrying it towards the exit.

"Can't see where I'm going" came the muffled complaint from Tallulah who was steering the lift.

Posted on 17 Apr 2014 10:55:33 BDT
P. Cobb says:
"What are those two medics up to?" asked Bert.
"Dunno," replied a disinterested Burl, who was playing with the hand-held games consol his mum had given him for Christmas. "I'm stuck on this level."
"Are you? Give it here. I'm a whizz at that".
Meanwhile, the lift approached the foyer...

Posted on 16 Apr 2014 21:08:08 BDT
Last edited by the author on 16 Apr 2014 21:27:45 BDT
Handybird says:
Leaving the laundry room through the unlocked, open door, Tallulah turned left and walked at speed, followed closely by the old man, to the end of the brightly lit corridor and the lift.
Unbeknownst to her, as she and the old man stepped into the lift, Bert and Burl, the two burly security guards, were watching their every move on their cctv monitor in the foyer of the hospital.

Posted on 16 Apr 2014 20:39:27 BDT
Last edited by the author on 16 Apr 2014 20:47:58 BDT
The old man looked a little out of place wearing his buttoned up white coat and no trousers. Wouldn't he arouse suspicion?
"Oh well" thought Tallulah "If he does then it's my chance to get rid of him and escape at the same time. The security guards can chase him instead of me."

Posted on 16 Apr 2014 17:14:39 BDT
Eurythymia says:
'Definitely time to renegotiate my contract' Tallulah thought. 'singed backsides and bald heads were never mentioned by my agent. Nor were strange little men following me round coe to that'. And with these thoughts she set off in her bid to escape the 'hospital' and the clutches of its staff.

Posted on 16 Apr 2014 16:46:47 BDT
Last edited by the author on 16 Apr 2014 16:48:05 BDT
Handybird says:
The ceiling sprinklers dripped their last drop on the sorry, bedraggled couple as Tallulah grabbed a starched white 'lab coat' from one of the covered shelves. Hurriedly she put it on, stretching it across her inflated buttocks and only just managing to button up the front.
"Phew! There now!" she said, proudly pushing her shoulders back, forcing one button to pop, "I should be able to simply walk out of the hospital now without arousing the slightest suspicion."
The old man gawped at her enormous backside; he wasn't so sure.
"I suggest that you put one on too." Tallulah told him.
So likewise, the old man quickly donned a white coat and buttoned it up to hide his safari jacket.
"Right!" The old man ordered, "You go first and I'll follow your beh .. ahem, I mean, I'll follow behind and watch your backsi.. umm yes .. I'll watch your back!"

Posted on 16 Apr 2014 12:20:08 BDT
Last edited by the author on 16 Apr 2014 12:22:16 BDT
...s off and wrapping them around her head as a bandana.
"If I'm going to look stupid, he might as well too" she thought.

Posted on 16 Apr 2014 12:07:17 BDT
Handybird says:
Meanwhile, on the deck of the Salty Sue :O) giggled as he watched :) :) and :( play in the sunshine.

Whilst back in the hospital on Mauritius,
"Looks like he must've been the only one!" Tallulah said despondently abandoning her search amongst the dirty linen hopper for more badgers. Then clambering over the side she stood tall whilst the old man too struggled to get out.
"I don't suppose you have a mirror about your person?" Tallulah asked stroking her now bald pate and straightening what remained of her smouldering skirt as best she could to cover her still swollen bottom, "I'm afraid I must look quite a sight!"
The old man gazed at Tallulah and smiled, "Well, I think the saying might be that you look as rough as a badger's.."
"Acerbic comments won't help matters here thank-you very much!" Tallulah scolded, cutting the old man short.

Posted on 16 Apr 2014 11:22:24 BDT
Last edited by the author on 16 Apr 2014 11:25:19 BDT
...as was the poor badger.
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Discussion in:  fiction discussion forum
Participants:  668
Total posts:  8556
Initial post:  27 Sep 2011
Latest post:  19 minutes ago

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