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Food-related giggles

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Initial post: 16 May 2013 07:55:57 BDT
Here's a place to post those things we see, hear or do that make us laugh, to do with food.
I have 2 I want to share, and since there didn't seem to be a place, I thought I'd start the thread.
One: I was channel-zapping and came across BBC Alba. Now I don't speak a word of Gaelic but the lady was doing something with a bunch of dried garlic heads so I watched and listened. Suddenly she finished what she was doing, and I heard "coopatee." My eyes on the subtitles: "Now for a nice cup of tea."
Apparently Gaelic doesn't have a word for it!

Two: Last night I dreamed of one of my students who is pre-med. She was complaining that she had to hand-draw a uterus, and she can't draw for toffee. Someone in the dream said, "Oh it's easy: it looks like a pork chop tied to a tree!"

What are your food related giggles?

Posted on 16 May 2013 08:13:37 BDT
Charlie says:
My funniest food related things are from other people's lack of knowledge which I gues shows me to be mean but I shall share anyway.
The first was when I was in catering, a lady was giving me a hard time as she didn't like our veggie selection. She raged on about how she was a strict veggie and refused to eat any food with a face ( I wouldn't have minded but as a veggie myself at the time I had a huge veggie menu) see finally settled on fish and chips! What kinda fish has no face???

My second is more worrying, I was working in the community supporting new mums in deprived areas. We had to give advice to a mum on weaning her baby. I told her she should now start to introduce dairy. I promise this actually happened but she asked me if fish was dairy!!? To which her friend said 'no you idiot fish is poultry innit!'

Posted on 16 May 2013 08:54:38 BDT
Bearman says:
I remember helping my mum prepare for a dinner party back in the late 70s. She had poached a whole salmon to be served cold as the main dish and we spent hours arranging it on a plate so that it was upright, and "s" shaped to look like it was swimming. We hand cut wafer thin slices of cucumber and overlapped them on the fish to look like scales. The eyes were replaced with half olives, and the plate decorated with piped mayonaise and crudities in beautiful patterns. Unfortunately, unknown to us, while we were all in the dinning room enjoying the starters, the 2 family cats got into the kitchen, and up onto work surface where they started to enjoy a nice fish dinner. By the time we came back to the kitchen, not only had the beautifully piped mayo and veg decorations been smeared across the plate, across the worksurface and all ofver the cats, but they had eaten almost a quarter of the fish. With no other main course to serve, there was a bit of a delay before the main course as we just "applied the finishing touches" to the dish. This involved making a fresh batch of mayo (mum never bought the ready made stuff), filling the gaping hole in the fish with the mayo, and slicing more cucumber to cover it over. After a quick remodelling of the plate decorations, we proudly, and nervously, served the dish with frantic wispers of "FHB" (Family Hold Back).

Posted on 16 May 2013 09:57:57 BDT
Charlie says:
Haha. Brilliant. Great thread Ori!! Our cat once brought home a whole steak. Am guessing we had a very angry neighbour somewhere!

In reply to an earlier post on 16 May 2013 10:09:55 BDT
Bearman says:
With a bit or training, your cat could greatly reduce your shopping bills.

Posted on 16 May 2013 10:23:26 BDT
Charlie says:
Lol, we don't have her any more. My friend gave her a home as she kept leaving entrails in the babies cot!!

Bear, I had a look at the ice cream recipe for butter pecan! Possibly the naughtiest recipe I have ever seen!! I can't wait to try it. I think I might just throw out my pre baby clothes tho

In reply to an earlier post on 16 May 2013 10:52:12 BDT
Bearman says:
LOL - Is it any worse than that peanut butter ice cream recipe?

Posted on 16 May 2013 12:54:48 BDT
pixie says:
I once made meatballs as a treat for an aunt when I was a teenager, no one told me the rice had to be cooked before adding to the meat!!! Aunt spat out the food quicker than it went was I to know she hadn't put her teeth in!? She said her gums were never the same after that!!

Posted on 16 May 2013 14:58:26 BDT
Bearman says:
In my student days, I did once witness 2 girls (who I shared a house with) feed 2 boys with a lasagne made with the finest pasta, herbs, spices, cheese and cat food. It seems that boys had failed to take the girls out on a particular occasion as promised, and instead got a little worse for wear with the rugby crowd (ie me and my mates).

Posted on 16 May 2013 15:11:55 BDT
Ah the my small Iowa home town (less than 8 thousand population then) there was a Shakey's Pizza parlour. My mother refused to patronise them saying they had a bad reputation. She was proven right when my brother's best mate became a trash man. The dumpster outside was regularly full of tins from StrongHeart dogfood...and the owner had no dog. He called the Health Department, and sure enough, that's what was going on their "sausage" pizzas.

In reply to an earlier post on 16 May 2013 15:14:03 BDT
pixie says:
Bet the customers all had shiny hair and a wet nose though!x

Posted on 16 May 2013 15:14:58 BDT
And an irrepressible urge to chase cars...LOL

Posted on 16 May 2013 15:15:50 BDT
pixie says:
and lick strangers!

Posted on 16 May 2013 20:30:35 BDT
Bearman says:
As long as they didnt start humping people's legs

Posted on 16 May 2013 22:03:04 BDT
M Inx says:
You are all delightfully mad I reckon, but you have made me laugh out loud for the first time in a couple of days..... xxx

Posted on 17 May 2013 11:47:03 BDT
There used to be a wonderful Deli near my Office in Norwich, and my friend James and I would treat ourselves once a month and go and get one of their fabulous baguettes.

On this particular day, James had been talking non stop about the chicken Mayo that he had been waiting for all month. So off we went with our lunch money tightly clasped in our hands, we queued for at least 15 minutes and then wandered down to the river to perch and eat... James was just about to take his first long awaited bite, when a pigeon flew overhead and pooped right in is baguette!!! I nearly fell off the bench laughing :)

James just shrugged and ate around it! Ewwwwwwe

Posted on 17 May 2013 21:18:48 BDT
Last edited by the author on 17 May 2013 21:19:10 BDT
Lived in China many years ago. A young man ( mid twenties) worked with H. He normally ate at the canteen but one day H saw him eating something straight from a tin. When he looked to see what it was, he realised it was a tin of dog food, complete with a picture of a dog on it. When he enquired why he was eating it, the man said he thought it was tinned dog!

Posted on 18 May 2013 10:28:31 BDT
Who knows, HC, it may have been...
I used to be on VegWeb a lot and some of the "angry vegans" (their description) wanted people's dogs and cats to eat vegan convince the owners they often said that commercial pet food is made from roadkill and dead lab animals. *eyeroll*

Posted on 19 May 2013 02:12:53 BDT
Michelle says:
As a student I've seen some fairly abhorrent food crimes (diet coke and milk, anyone? no? how about kebab and custard?) but the funniest was probably seeing our international flatmate - who had a very limited skill set when it came to cooking - reading the instructions on a packet of microwave rice, putting it in the microwave for 18 minutes rather than the recommended 3, and then looking utterly bemused when a lump of charcoal emerged and set off every fire alarm in our 7 storey building.

Posted on 19 May 2013 09:02:52 BDT
I was a rabid coke-drinker in college (of course! I was 16 and it was free in the dining hall, all you wanted out of the soda fountain thing, self-serve) but when I saw girls drinking Coke and milk, blergh!! I will usually try a sip of anything, but to quote Si King, "That's just wrong!"

Posted on 19 May 2013 09:11:23 BDT
Why? Why would you drink coke and milk??

A Japanese guy who was visiting London from the Asia Pac office last year was in the queue in front of me in our Cafe, he ordered the Christmas Dinner and Pudding... But didn't realise they were a main course and dessert, so he plonked the pudding on top of the turkey... And topped it off with custard! I did the only thing us British ever do when we feel uncomfortable... Completely avoided eye contact and had a good giggle later... I should've told him, but in my defence I did sit in a corner and watch him eat it ;) hee hee x

Posted on 19 May 2013 12:46:43 BDT
Charlie says:
I've never had coke and milk, but a coke float isn't too far off I guess?

Posted on 1 Jun 2013 18:20:45 BDT
I went to the Asian supermarket (as one does) and after I picked up the essentials (rice, coconut milk, like that) I drifted over to the Indian section (as I do). Picked up a packet of pulses (now say that five times quick!) because it was labelled "Moth Bean."

After a good Google, I discover that it is Dal Moth, one of the umptyjillion pulses that abound. But the name, and the way it looks, cracked us both up. DH says they look like moth eggs...well they actually do.

Posted on 6 Jun 2013 16:05:05 BDT
So I am dashing around this morning, after rising at 5 AM (unintentionally but ineluctably), trying to cook 2 dishes at once: curry and cauliflower cheese. I pour out the milk for the cheese sauce, stir it in, and decide I'd like a little more than that. Can I find the milk? I cannot! I just poured , I know it's here somewhere--nada. Look around--still no joy. Fulminate, fulminate...I pour the stupid sauce on the stupid cauliflower and add the cheese and slam it in the oven anyway.
DH comes in and hears me grumbling away, and (having lived with me for 30 years) reminds me of my little mantra: When something goes missing, look first where it could Never Possibly Be.
He opens the plate cupboard...sure enough, there's the milk.

In reply to an earlier post on 6 Jun 2013 17:28:48 BDT
pixie says:
Could have been worse the oven! x
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Discussion in:  cooking discussion forum
Participants:  11
Total posts:  46
Initial post:  16 May 2013
Latest post:  10 Jul 2013

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