Night Train to Terror [Blu-ray] [1985] [US Import]

This is, put simply, one of the greatest films of all time...if you like to watch movies while drunk and stoned! As stated elsewhere, the movie is actually three movies with a wrap around, so it moves at an incredible, surreal clip; lurching forward without any explanation or boring parts- decapitations, nudity, suicide cults, inexplicable behavior- all interweaven into a truly bizarre cinematic experience. The tie together, God and Satan on a train, is made sublime by the inclusion of, and I am not joking, 80's breakdancers getting down to one of the funniest songs that will penetrate your mind (hence the title of this review)! This is really, truly one of the great party movies and I recommend it to anyone who finds delirium in finding the strange, perverse, and Dadaish on the outer fringes of the movie watching universe. An underground cult classic.

I wish Amazon would let customers use 1/2 star ratings cos this is actually a 4 /12 out of 5; Just short of a brilliant masterpiece in mid-80's four to ten minute attention spans, with a fake band aping Menudo and playing a song that makes Rick Springfield sound sophisticated.
I first watched this on a drunken movie night binge and we were so impressed we played it twice: Half of which was due to being able to make zero sense of what was going on. Under initial scruitiny, the film appeared to be three features that had been edited down to become "chapters" in an athology piece, and ten minutes or so of research proved that to be true: NIGHT TRAIN TO TERROR is actually three features from director John Carr, two of which were miserable bombs and one of which was apparently never finished, that the producer[s] then cut down to the barest minimum of footage deemed necessary to make them into the anthology chapters.
The most popular & memorable of the three is actually the unfinished SCREAM YOUR HEAD OFF with the great John Phillip Law in what would have been another one of those sad exploitation & horror films he was reduced to appearing in just to keep up on the alimony payments in the late 70s/early 80s. Because the film was never finished & trimmed down to about 27 minutes or so of footage, what we are left with is a dizzying tale about an insane asylum that is a front for a body parts harvesting organization, with Law being their latest recruit to be hypnotized, go out into the world & drug people [usually attractive B movie would have been starlets], bring them back to the asylum and turn them over to Richard Moll [billed as Charles Moll] who straps them down to gurneys, strips them nude, molests/assaults them, and then uses a hacksaw & other implements to carve off the marketable portions. Along the way we get a sexy head nurse Ratchet from hell, a lobotomized asylum director, John Phillip Law singing a church hymn, and what would have been the finest American made Mad Asylum thriller since DON'T LOOK IN THE BASEMENT, which this movie is very reminiscent of. Gory, filled with exploitative nudity and utterly incomprehensible, this is my favorite of the bunch as well & the lost footage should be resurrected for a reconstruction -- It'd be an instant classic.
Part two is actually all that is left of what was known as DEATH WISH CLUB, a straight to video bomb that actually is very reminiscent of Jess Franco's exploitation/murder mystery hybrids & shares their air of tacky immediacy. A not so young couple run afoul of a pornographer who enrolls them in a suicide thrill club, with results that are utterly hilarious and, again, edited down to the point where the film has no continuity on it's own and had to have a voiceover narration explain the events which unfold. They are not bothering mentioning, but the claymation killer bug is, a device that Carr apparently became enamored enough with to invest a serious amount of screen time to it in the next chapter;
CATACLYSM. This was another home video only bomb that actually did find a release & is the least comprehensible of the three: What starts out as a sort of (...) Atrocicties From The Past bit turns into a confrontation against the Antichrist that allows for Carr to do a series of claymation sequences involving a giant Golem like creature run amok, as well as the anthology's most extensive use of his trademark horror gimmick: Having a victim electrocuted so that their head begins to shake back & forth like one of those mechanical paint shakers, while the flesh sizzles & smokes & melts off the skull [when allowed to run it's course]. While this may sound "gross" it looks about as realistic as his claymation Golem, and makes for laugh out loud moments that lovers of trash horror will go bonkers for.
Linking these three segments are a series of discussions between God and Satan [both played by Cameron Mitchell, who also plays the detective in the CATACLYSM segment] who are presiding over a train wreck about to happen. How this movie came to be in the form it exists as may be one of the great puzzles of the 1980's. If you are looking for meaningful plots, convincing performances and deft filmmaking, this title is not advised. But if you want a movie that will demand repeat viewings, elicit repeat laughter & cheers as well as jeers, this DVD is the best money you can spend on entertainment this side of ZOMBIE LAKE or KING KONG VERSUS GODZILLA.
Of additional note: (...)

While certainly not my favorite b-movie, Night Train to Terror is worthwhile viewing. Strange horror-comedy.

Three stories, two of which are edited down from previously released full length features. Each connected by segments on a train featuring god and satan bickering, and an amusingly horrible collection of fashionable 80s kids breakdancing and singing. Richard Moll (Bull, of Night Court) appears in two of the stories. Cameron Mitchell also appears in the last. My favorite story is the second one, which will be featured as a full length bonus on Vinegar Syndrome's release (Death Wish Club aka Gretta is worth your time!). It's the tale of a college kid obsessing over a girl he sees in a skin flick; he meets her, and is lured into her club of near-death survivors whom enjoy the sport of various Russian roulettes. This story is just WEIRD. It alternates between genuine creepiness and (not always intentional) comedy, and the lead actress is extremely sexy.

I'm guessing most who bother to read these reviews have already seen the film. But if you haven't, give it a shot.

God, the devil, and a hip 80s new wave band hang out together on a train. God and the devil debate the value of humanity, while watching clips from 3 other movies, 2 of which feature "bull" from nightcourt, with hair. Disgusting gore, topless girls, tacky claymation, its got all you could want and more!

Vinegar Syndrome's new blu-ray/dvd combo of Night Train to Terror is a trashfilm lover's dream come true. Not only do you get a high quality transfer (on both discs, though obviously the blu-ray has a bit better picture and sound) but some great extras as well, including the complete version of the second story, Gretta, on the dvd. For those who don't know, Night Train is a collection of three oddball, unfinished, shot-in-Utah features re-edited into a completely incomprehensible, insane, ridiculous 93 minute "anthology". Wrap around stuff featuring God and the Devil on a train viewing the three stories, as well as a goofy recurring whitebread pseudo break-dancing musical thing, only add more bewilderment to the proceedings. Throw in some off the wall gore, abundant nudity and stop-motion monsters and you have Night Train to Terror!

Gretta, apparently based on a pulp novel by Erskine Caldwell (what it says in the title anyway), is actually a very entertaining schlockfest and makes much more sense (although it's still very messed up) as a complete piece. Cute lead actress Meredith Haze is no Meryl Streep but she immerses herself into the title role with gusto, verve and minimal clothing. The story is hard to describe, basically it follows Gretta's rather odd trajectory from porn actress/ piano player to gender-confused mobster (I'm not kidding). There is also a subplot involving a death-wish club, wherein the members play Russian roulette type games with deadly consequences (these scenes made it into Night Train, with the stop motion and makeup effects added later).

Other extras include two commentaries, one with a couple enthusiastic and informative researchers of the film and one with director (of the added footage) Jay Schlossberg. This latter commentary has to be heard to be believed. It's the most rambling, maddening, verbose, almost psychotic sounding commentary I have ever heard. The poor guy conducting the interview with Schlossberg literally has to stop him at certain points to try and get him on some sort of relevant track. Many answers as to why Night Train to Terror is such an exquisite mess can be gleaned by simply trying to listen to Schlossberg ramble on about his dreams of Broadway stardom, his cinematic influences of Brakhage and Kubrick, his fine art painting, etc.

Buy it.