Bloodlust Zombies [DVD] [2011] [Region 1] [US Import] [NTSC]

As far as dumb horror- comedy zombie movies starring an adult porn star go, Bloodlust Zombies is actually a pretty good little film. Alexis Texas will never get the role of Hester Prynne in a modern remake of The Scarlet Letter, but she can more than hold her own against her fellow cast members in a B--movie romp like Bloodlust Zombies. She's really not that bad of an actress, truth be told, and she's certainly easy on the eyes, even when covered in blood. I do feel compelled to point out, however, that there really aren't any zombies in this movie. People start acting like zombies after being exposed to a new bloodlust-inspiring biological weapon and they need to be shot in the head like zombies - but they are not zombies, technically-speaking. Now some people are going to pre-deduct points from this film just because it stars an adult film star, and they're probably going to tut and shake their heads when Alexis is called upon to take off her clothes and act all sexy - but I'm not one of those people. Even if I were, there are a number of other enjoyable aspects to this film. You've got some office satire, a lot of pretty satisfying gore (particularly in the arterial spray department), and all kinds of juvenile humor that will make you laugh (whether you want to admit it or not).

What looks like a regular office building is in fact a bioweapons facility working on a rage virus sort of pathogen that is designed to make the bad guys go crazy and kill each other. It's the brainchild of a woman who watched her husband die at the hands of terrorists in Afghanistan. The company has taken all sorts of precautions to avoid disaster - a security system that locks down the entire building in the case of an emergency, a security force of two low-paid Rent-a-Cops with four whole days of training, and, of course, a secure lab facility. Unfortunately, no one foresaw the consequences of lab workers reacting rather raucously to the accidental intercom broadcast of the boss getting freaky with his secretary. Before you can say "Bruce Campbell," it's every man and woman for himself/herself as the infected start attacking their coworkers and spreading the bloodlust all over the building.

There are some pretty funny scenes to be enjoyed between the murderous attacks. In one, the office pervert is torn between the sight of naked breasts and the knowledge that those breasts are attached to an infected woman trying to kill him. Then there's the scene where the security guy is called upon by the potty-mouthed intern to defend his decision to stay locked up in the secure command center instead of getting out there and trying to save people's lives. The whole comedy thing is helped by the fact that the worst actors and actresses are among the first to die. If you're not the kind of person who might enjoy this type of film, you wouldn't still be reading this - so go ahead and just rent the thing. You know you want to.

It seems that everytime someone decides to direct their first feature, it turns out to be a horror film. And for the past decade, most freshman directors decide to make those horror films depicting zombies; a good percentage of the films dealing with a bunch of infected people killing the unaffected in a locked-down facility, not for the sake of the story, but to keep costs down (the fewer the locations, the cheaper and faster you can shoot it). That describes BLOODLUST ZOMBIES to a tee, with the only different thing about it being that it stars bubble-butted adult actress Alexis Texas (who has made an amazing 329 adult films between 2007 and 2014 and made her share of TV and Film adult "parodies", a term the adult film business uses so the major studios can't sue them for copyright infringement). Let me say this about Alexis Texas: as an actress, she makes a fine naked female. In other words, she has no future in non-porn films unless she starts taking acting lessons (Fred Olen Ray used her once in BIKINI FRANKENSTEIN [2009] and hasn't worked with her since. Now that should tell you something.). The film starts with two lab rats performing experiments on cats with a new serum called "BZ32". After giving the cats shots of BZ32, one cat kills another. Their experiment turns into a success, so at a late-night board meeting, president and CEO Bobby Lee (Robert Heath) asks co-workers Judy Miller (Janice Marie), Darren (Adam Danoff, this film's Co-Producer and Editor), Catherine (Catherine White) and Executive Assistant Andrea (Alexis Texas) to stay late so they can Skype the good news to their sister company in another time zone. BZ32 is a hit. Well, it's a hit if you take into consideration that it causes humans to become zombified fighting machines (Bobby Lee plans on using this new serum/virus on enemy soldiers so that they will kill each other [There are so many holes in that logic to drive a train through. The first one being: Who are the zombies going to chow-down on next when they eat all their fellow soldiers? Wouldn't they go after us?]). We then see Andrea and Bobby Lee playing "hiding the sausage" (I guess when you can't act, you do what you know best), while Catherine is bringing champagne to the two lab rats for a job well done. One of the workers drops a test tube in the lab, but he says that it wasn't one containing the BZ32 virus, yet the entire building goes into lockdown just in case the threat is real. Catherine is attacked by one of the infected cats and she, in turn, attacks the two lab workers, turning them into the titled creatures. You guessed it: The unaffected employees must now run and hide from the zombies (It is impossible to leave or get into the building [Another huge hole in the plot. Wouldn't some outside agency like the CDC be notified if something like this happened? Or at least the local Police Department?]). The zombies bite everyone they come into contact with (We can imagine the special effects technician, just offscreen, pushing the rubber bulb containing the fake blood and it comes out in perfect streams. It seems every bite results in the same effect.), while everyone else does the most idiotic things at the most inopportune times. This is supposed to be a funny horror film, but their idea of "funny" is Darren imagining all the women in various states of undress when they ask him what he is thinking. There is not an original thought in this film's tiny little brain (they rip off "The Girl From Ipanema" elevator scene from DEEP RISING [1998] for criminity's sake!). Darren even takes a camera photo of his penis to prove to "Libby The Temp" (Lauren Todd) that he is not a zombie, as they shoot guns at each other from a distance of about ten feet (a joke badly ripped-off from THE NAKED GUN - 1988). Alexis Texas proves to us that her greatest assets are her bubble butt and her breasts, as her acting reeks so bad, you can smell it coming out of your disc player. And why do directors and producers always think that they can act in the films they are making? Director/screenwriter/cinematographer/co-producer Dan Lantz (whose only other directorial effort is the gay-themed thriller INTO THE LION'S DEN - 2011) portrays a security guard that likes talking to himself and keeps a closet full of automatic weapons. I really can't decide which is worse: His direction or acting (In the DVD's blooper reel, Lantz tells us that he isn't even in the film, so either he has a short memory or is just trying to make us forget his bad acting). And co-producer/editor Adam Danoff, who supplies most of the film's "comedy", is just simply terrible and unfunny. The basic truth is that while there is plenty of violence, such as ears getting bitten off, skin being bitten and pulled like string cheese, gunshots to the head and axe attacks, Lantz and Danoff's screenplay is juvenile at best and misogynistic at worst (I guess when you have a adult film "actress" starring in your film, you must think you can get away with a lot more jokes at the expense of women). There really is not one thing to recommend in this film, not even Alexis Texas' nudity. If you want to see her nude and do much more, rent one of her TV and movie porn parodies. I guarantee you will be a lot more entertained than watching this poor excuse of a film. I have bits of things in my stool that are more entertaining than this. Also starring Sarah Dewey, Robb Stech, Justus White, Jim Bagwell, Jerry Cartier, Kevin Chick and a whole bunch of other people you never heard of. Filmed in Paoli, Pennsylvania. Remind me never to visit there. A Vicious Circle Films DVD Release. Not Rated.

So going into this film that was written and directed by Dan Lantz I noticed it was one of the first full length films he had done and first stabs at horror. That always means it's going to be hit or miss and when you mix in the fact that it's one of the debut films of Alexis Texas not making a porno flick that ends up being a zombie film.... all I could really think of was Zombie Strippers and how horrible the movie was when Jenna Jameson decided to do the same thing.

So how did the film stack up?

Well it was more enjoyable to watch than Zombie Strippers (which isn't saying much) but before you get your hopes up let me bring you back to reality and state that this is clearly a B movie plot with a slightly higher budget. It wasn't great but it wasn't horrible and for those who are hoping for the nearly obligatory nude/sex scenes they clearly make sure to make use of Alexis's assets to pull them off in style.

Moving onto our B plot - Zlantoff Industries, a biological warfare warfare company, has developed the latest and greatest way to kill the enemies of whoever decides to buy from it. It looks like they are infecting felines with a new drug that turns them into a murderous rage that cannot be controlled. Clearly it's the perfect way to disrupt an enemy as the idea is to infect an enemy army with it and watch the soldiers tear each other apart.

Insert some B movie fantasies as the president of the company accidentally has the PA system on as he has his way with his secretary (Alexis) and in doing so distracts the research team that has perfected the virus. So surprisingly we are actually given a reason for a zombie outbreak to occur though I found it a bit hard to stomach the thought of how bad security precautions were in a biological warfare test lab. I think their premise for an outbreak was sound but they should have gone a bit further on making it look like there was actually precautions in place that the accident caused to screw up. Yes, I know - B movie. The problem is the production wasn't really low end B movie material so I felt with the plot being mediocre it really took away from what could have been a fun romp (and I'm not meaning with the porn star turned zombie killing heroine by the end of the film.) Part of that romp probably did come from all of the female zombies trying to seduce the men that they ended up turning or eating. Yes apparently female zombies have a high sex drive and for the ones without easily visible wounds, it really worked well for them.

While thee special effects weren't top notch and the zombies weren't the 'best' in the world they weren't bad and there wasn't going to be a lot of corpse rotting with how fresh they were. The wounds looked decent as did the gore factor and to be honest most of that just worked. I wouldn't get too attached to the characters because of a mixture of a high body count and a lack of depth to personalities but still the high body count keeps the deaths coming throughout the entire film.

This is a very low budget zombie film which features adult film star Alexis Texas in a slightly less than adult role. A bio-hazard lab has an oops which leads to infected zombies etc. All the action takes place within the building and we get to see much of the same rooms over and over again. The film is horribly acted with camp dialouge. Newcomer Lauren Todd was my favorite of the bad actors spouting out MF bombs with a librarian face. The blood was abundant and squirting. The gun fire was poor CG.

The respirators they use make it difficult for normal voice communication so they dubbed themselves.

Parental Guide: F-bomb, sex, nudity (Alexis Texas, Jordana Leigh, Amanda Scarano) 4 stars for those who like bad campy films with nudity, all others 1 star.

This was a little different, and wasn't really a zombie movie per se, but not to bad. Acting was ok