Flight Of The Phoenix [2004] [DVD]

Dennis Quad plays Capt. Frank Towns, a hardnosed cynic who has been paid to fly a group of newly unemployed Mongolian oilrig workers back to civilization. He doesn't really care much about his human cargo; he just wants to get them out, so that he can get on with things. The drill site's chief operator (a feisty Miranda Otto) argues with him, telling him that she's confident she can get oil pumping, but he won't hear of any dissent. The rest of the crew is a mish mash of characters: including a one-eyed, beefy African-American guitarist (Kirk Jones), a Mexican-American chef (Jacob Vargas), a spiritually minded Saudi (Kevork Malikyan), a stuffy corporate executive (Hugh Laurie), and a nerdy mechanic (Giovanni Ribisi).

Rather than do the sensible thing and turn back the aircraft when it heads into a sandstorm, Towns tries to fly over and around it. But the plane breaks apart in the air - its tail falls off, and it loses a propeller and its communications equipment - finally roaring to earth in a maelstrom of metal and debris, and crash landing in the middle of nowhere. The survivors must now learn how to cope with limited water and food supplies, whilst also trying to survive the perilous and death-defying desert sandstorms.

Capt. Towns believes that someone will rescue them eventually, but other crewmembers believe that it's all a lost cause. Elliot (Ribisi) comes up with an idea, announcing that he's an aircraft designer who has figured out a way to construct a getaway plane from the remains. The power struggle that continues for the rest of the movie pits brains (Elliott) against brawn (Frank). The self-important Elliot believes that he has the rights to drink more water because he's the only expendable person, and he has to work harder to get them all out. He insists on being the unchallenged boss, much to the chagrin of Frank and the rest of the group.

Meanwhile the producers periodically throw every contrived and obstacle at them: there's a threatening band of nomads, fierce electrical storms full of fake lightning, mountains of magnetic rock that make navigation on foot with a compass impossible, and of course, the recurrent and persistent sandstorms. When an accidental fuel explosion destroys their night lighting, they have to work on building the plane during the day. But we never see them sweat, or get sunburned, and rather than conserve energy (and water), we see them dancing around to rock music.

Quaid struts, blusters, and bristles his way through the film, and is forced to utter inane, repetitive dialogue. The highlight is probably when the fifty-year-old takes off his shirt, and we get to see his gorgeously sculptured abs. Miranda Otto fairs a little better, and she manages to capture the impishness, cheekiness, and no nonsense attitude of her character. Ribisi is probably the best as Elliot; he really works hard to bring his enigmatic and mysterious character to life. There's lots of standard and dull talk about God, spirituality, family, and their hopes for a better life if they ever survive. Mention has also been made of the Flight of the Phoenix's amazing photography, and I suppose it's all very pretty, but you can't watch a film just on scenery alone.

The final scene is the most laughable: With the threatening nomads behind them, the group is racing against time to get the plane airborne, whilst also been shot at. But once it's in the air, Captain Frank carelessly turns to his fellow survivors and jokingly laughs it up with joy. You know, he really should be concentrating and putting all his efforts into flying the plane. Most viewers will probably squirm with impatience and frustration when watching this film; it's just never ending, and perhaps, when all is said and done, it would have been far better if this Phoenix had just stayed stranded. Mike Leonard April 05.