Most Helpful Customer Reviews
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23 of 26 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Low Budget British Horror, 30 Jun 2003
By A Customer
This was the first 'X' film I sneaked in to see as a teenager and it was a strange one. The plot is pretty vague but basically two lesbian beauties are murdered in a big old gothic style country house, then some years later presumably, they live on there as vampires. There's no male Dracula type or anything, just these two women on their own.By hitchhiking along the surrounding country roads they lure men back to the house in their cars, get them p*ssed and kill them. Each deceased victim and his car are then seen again smashed up against a tree, to appear to the police like a typical road accident so no further investigation required. One man however, in a BMW, is kept hanging around for days at the house as Fran the dark haired vampire, takes a shine to him and feeds on his blood from a gash in his arm every night like she's sucking on an ice lolly. The actresses are beautiful, there's gore, lesbian lust and nudity in a Hammer Films sort of a way, but I still can't work out the ending. This is a cult film in some countries apparently, and I don't think it's ever been on TV.
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
People in a Caravan are the Heroes of This Film., 20 Dec 2008
You can't help laughing when you see a big dumb schmuck completely ignoring the age-old rule; never pick up hitch-hikers - especially when it's dusk, there's two of them, and they're only 100 yards from where they live. It'll end in tears...
Employing the tried and tested trick of ugly-one-hides-in-the-bushes-while-fit-one-flashes-thigh-at-horny-motorist (only in this case, there is no ugly one) the two thirsty sirens of Joseph Larraz' pleasingly notorious 'Vampyres' enjoy enviable success amongst the sideburn fizzogged wallies in their Lionel's and bling.
Luring them with innuendo to the trusty mansion house, there to suck the life-blood (and everything else!) out of them during delirious, hysterical orgies.
This pair make Caligula look coy; naked in seconds, frantic panting nymphs on a sanguinary frenzied night-ride, cutting a swathe through any stereotype 70's blockheads that come their way - and it's hard to be critical.
Two beauties swirling down a dim country lane - heaving cleavage, diaphanous frocks. Thick bozo with torque for a brain, and ludicrous hair and collars - yeah, they're gonna want YOU plant-pot; nothing suspicious here at all. You just know these guys are deserving every-thing they get - and they get plenty.
You wonder who does the girlies laundry - they'll also be getting plenty - of overtime.
'Vampyres' works it's low-budget suzzies off to be disturbing and disgusting. Some of the vigorous bedroom stuff is wince-inducing softcore lashing and thrashing inevitably leading to hardcore slashing and splashing. Larraz is a no-frills film director, he simply gets it out and points it - and you just know you've got to look as 90 minutes solid of bums, breasts and bubbling blood unfold before you.
It's a Stygian concept - a Spanish director making a British film - and he seems to grasp the moist perversity of the situation and stuff his film with it. He's got two gorgeous leads, mounds of unfettered heaving flesh and barrels of sexy, alluring O and A Positive - the guys a genius.
It all goes a bit pear-shaped when one of our succubine heroines falls in love with one of her victims, and there's unwanted involvement by some interfering trailer-trash, (and THAT'S how perverse Larraz is - people in a caravan are the heroes of this film!) but by then we're ready for the respite. There's just time to observe a pretentious wine expert get corked, followed by a nicely balanced plot-twist and we're stumbling over the slightly off-beat finishing line.
The wine-snob murder is great, I half expected my unrequited to swish him round their mouths, make grand exclamations about a hint of hundreds and thousands or a suggestion of recently unloaded banana, before spitting him out on the floor. Perhaps it got lost in cutting.....
Make sure you get the dvd with the Larraz commentary - I usually avoid 'extras' like bruised haemorrhoids, but he's interesting, amusing, and he swears like a docker.
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6 of 11 people found the following review helpful:
2.0 out of 5 stars
Misleading cover, 23 Nov 2007
Are they even vampires?
I'm not entirely sure the exact definition of a vampire, but I'm pretty sure it involves more than just drinking blood. These 2 women are the so called "vampires", but they do not have fangs, and they wonder around in the daytime. The only thing they do resembling vampires is drink blood. There isn't much biting at all really, mainly just half assed licking and kissing of wounds. And damn I wish they'd kiss properly... or is that how they kissed in the 70's. Yeah I'm disappointed myself.
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