Conan the Barbarian [1981] [DVD]

It was with that literary lineage in the realm of sword and sorcery that "Conan the Barbarian" was released in 1982, although it ended up doing more for Arnold Schwarzenegger's acting career than it did for the character he was playing, since the film spawned only one sequel, "Conan the Destroyer." Director John Milius covers the early years of Conan's career, when he was taken from his home in Cimmeria as a boy by a raiding party of Thulsa Doom (James Earl Jones), and sold into slavery. Eventually he began a trained gladiator and eventually earned his freedom, where he became a thief. The script by Milius and Oliver Stone essentially created a new narrative for the film, although readers of Conan will recognize scenes and elements from to "The Thing in the Crypt", "The Elephant Tower", "Red Nails," "Queen of the Black Coast", "The Mirrors of Tuzun Thune," and "A Witch Shall Be Born."

Schwarzenegger's acting experience was rather limited at that point. Having appeared (dubbed) as Hercules in "Hercules in New York" in 1970, with the billing of Arnold Strong, Schwarzenegger had done a series of small roles in small films and television shows. However, in 1977 he appeared as himself in the documentary "Pumping Iron" and showed himself to be a charismatic spokesperson for the sport of body building. However, all Schwarzenegger was really required to do as Conan was flex his muscles and grunt a few lines. The key thing here is that he did look good. The showcase sequence of the film is when Conan and his companions, Valeria (Sandhal Bergman) and Subotai (Gerry Lopez), sneak into the stronghold of Thulsa Doom to rescue the daughter of King Osric (Max Von Sydow), who has joined the Snake Cult. With some pretty good background music by composer Basil Poledouris, the trio of thieves set up a diversion and launch a quick attack. There is a moment when Conan, his body painted with black stripes as camouflage, gets into position to begin a sword fight that simply looks great. The actual swordplay is rather limited, more slashing that actual swording, but we do get a sense of the power of Conan.

James Earl Jones seems a bit distant as the villain, but he was engaged in a weird acting experiment where Milius told him how to do line readings and he did it. In the end, it is Sandahl Bergman who surprisingly provides what little emotional impact the film exhibits. A trained dancer, Bergman's elegant and fluid movements contrast nicely with Schwarzenegger's raw power, and she has a great way of looking at him that makes it clear which one of them has the brains in the operation. More importantly, Bergman's Valerie seems totally at home in the savage world that the film creates.

"Conan the Barbarian" is not a great film, although it is arguably remains the best sword and sorcery film made to date, although clearly the competition for the honor is rather sparse. Despite the overall woodenness of the acting, it does have the virtue of taking its characters seriously without descending into camp. If anything it is the reluctance to find humor (although Conan does slug a camel in an apparent homage to "Blazing Saddles"), that keeps this 1982 film on the high road, relatively speaking. Consequently, while Conan fans might have hoped for something better, they certainly had ample reason to expect something much worse, and thus were relatively overjoyed by the end product.

The DVD picture is high quality, letterboxed, with good Doblby 5.1 sound. Special features are of varied use. The commentary is excrutiating, with Arnie managing to make himself appear bombastic and simple-minded, while constantly interrupting interesting points by the director, telling him "I know", when he is trying to explain things to the viewer and equally constantly saying "Exactly!" In short he makes the buyer feel glad his dialogue in the film was sparse. A few removed scenes are shown, including one where the director appears as a food vendor, but the reason they were deleted is obvious.
The photo section made excellent by the musical score played as the montage of art and photos appears on screen.

The film also features yet another alternative ending to the quest for Thulsa Doom, but the most complete to date.

This one is worth buying, just avoid the commentaries.