The Last Boy Scout [1992] [DVD]

What it is is hugely enjoyable and funny. It does not take itself seriously but does not have that movie spoof feel about it.

If you like wisecracks, gunfights, bad language and explosions then you will love this film if not steer well clear

Why? Because like Bruce's Joe Hallenbeck, this film headbutts you in the face leaving your blood-spattered world reeling in bright neon colours then, as it casually limps away, delivers an effortless execution of a punchline sprinkled with a delicate garnish of poetic profanity that brings the blood you were choking on 3 seconds earlier gurgling back up your throat with gut-aching laughter. Phew, deep breath...aaaand...

I hope fellow brucephiles like moi appreciate this as THE defining Bruce Willis character. Before you bust a gut - yes, yes i know Die Hard is his classic film - but Joe Hallenbeck is his career defining character - the Willis personality pushed to the knife-edge brink of explosive perfection.

Dont belive me yet? But monsieur, let me tempt you with these delicacies:

1. On finding his best friend in his wife's bedroom closet:
"Yeah Yeah, i know - you tripped, slipped on the carpet and accidentally stuck your **** in my wife".

2. On being approached by three hatchet faced armed goons by a car parked full of dynamite:
"You girls still out? Streetlights are on"

3. On being asked point-blank by a hitman where he wants it - in the chest or the head: "Yeah, thats what your wife said"

and plenty more morsels of humour to come all delivered in Bruce's loving grimace of sardonic masculinity - a performance of true humility and gratitude for the Y chromosome.

Oh and where on earth did these "woman hating" reviews come from? This film doesnt hate women - it loves guys, and wallows in the self-indulgent pity all us men wallow in cos we love women so goddamn much it hurts. Right? Settled.

Oh and before i forget, Boy Scout is 2nd only to White Men in its form and content of mother jokes - watch and learn them to your hearts content as you would the poetry of john donne.

Convinced? No? Well let me tell you this. This film, more than any other film ive seen defines the modern violent action movie because it defines the scenario perfectly and repeatedly: a world-weary self-hating lone male always trying to do the right thing but being hurt by the corruption of others, finding himself time-and-time again surrounded and outnumbered by armed goons and managing to escape against all odds with sheer resourcefulness, killer jokes and manpower. But above all the killer jokes.

The final honours go to the ending - ignore the last 500 words - i love this film because the 15 yr old in me loves the way milo (the bad guy) is churned up in the helicopter blades - he literally EXPLODES like a balloon of blood. AAAAAaaaaaahhhhhh.

As our two heroes stroll into the sunset the screen fades to the sound of Pat Boone's "Moody River". I'd never heard of Pat Boone, i still havent got a clue. But i memorised every word of that song and y'know what? I think ill go and listen to some more Pat Boone if i can find it. Cos Joe Hallenbeck loves Pat Boone. He's my hero.