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1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12
 
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1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 [Audiobook] (Audio Cassette)

by Thomas W. Phelan (Author)
4.4 out of 5 stars See all reviews (36 customer reviews)

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Product details

  • Audio Cassette
  • Publisher: Child Management Inc.,U.S. (8 Mar 1999)
  • Language English
  • ISBN-10: 188914004X
  • ISBN-13: 978-1889140049
  • Product Dimensions: 17.9 x 11.9 x 2.8 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars See all reviews (36 customer reviews)
  • Amazon.co.uk Sales Rank: 1,644,051 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

    Popular in this category:

    #2 in  Books > Audio Cassettes > Children's Books > Educational > Numbers & Counting

Product Description

Product Description
Addressing the task of child discipline with humour and practicality, this time-tested programme provides easy-to-follow steps for disciplining children ages two 12 years without yelling, arguing, or spanking. Parents learn to deal with the six kinds of testing and manipulation, and they discover the 10 steps for building self-esteem in children. This award-winning guide also teaches parents how to handle the disrespectful outbursts of children with reason, patience, and compassion. 4 audiocassettes.

About the Author
Thomas M Phelan PhD

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Customer Reviews

36 Reviews
5 star:
 (27)
4 star:
 (2)
3 star:
 (2)
2 star:
 (3)
1 star:
 (2)
 
 
 
 
 
Average Customer Review
4.4 out of 5 stars (36 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

 
72 of 73 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars A sensible approach to structured discipline, 27 Jul 2005
By A Customer
I'm not a big self-help book fan, but I am an educationalist, and I have used Phelan's approach with my own children. Phelan outlines a straightforward technique designed to reduce the number of confontational and/or undesirable interactions that take place between children and parents. The book highlights some of the critical moments that occur during the course of normal family life, and suggests useful ways of dealing with such tensions using a simple and easily understood approach, that most children over the age of two should respond to well. We have found that if it is used consistently for a week or so, the children respond favourably. Like any family, there are lapses when we are tired or the children are ill, for example, but we have found it relatively easy to bring their behaviour back into line. Gradually the children internalise the rule system and seem to respect it, as it gives them a useful framework for getting on with their parents and enjoying family life. Perhaps one of the nicest aspects of Phelan's book is that it successfully manages to avoid preaching, and relates some of Pehlan's own mistakes and failings. This gives the book a sense of humanity and realism. Overall, I think this book represents good value for money and is a useful tool for busy parents.
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20 of 20 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars I wish I had read this book months ago!, 3 Aug 1999
By A Customer
We had tried everything to try and show our 3 year old son who is in charge. We could'nt go to restaurants (or almost and public place for that matter) without it ending in a meltdown and being bitten, pinched and hit by our son. Even at home if he didn't get his way he would bite/hit/pinch/scream. We agreed not to spank, but found ourselves yelling often. Many days I ended up in tears. My son's preschool teacher recommeded this book. I stayed up almost all night one night reading it, and put it into action. It has changed everything! Not only does the counting method really work (I had sort of used my own counting before, but I wasn't following the "no talking no emotions" rule), but we just feel more in charge and in control, which our son seems to sense and respond to. He is much better behaved all the way around, but if he does have a meltdown it is gone right after "that's two". I can't believe what a difference this has made in my house!
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109 of 114 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars It will seem like magic, 12 May 2004
By Dennis Littrell (SoCal) - See all my reviews
(TOP 50 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)   
Part of what makes Phelan's now very well known system work is that whether one is cooking rice or disciplining children, it's essential to have a method, the simpler the better. All effective methods rely first and foremost on how they guide us away from reactive and emotionally-based behaviors and keep us on the proper path. Note well that Phelan's method requires the parent to understand that "Too Much Talking" and "Too Much Emotion" by the parent will lead to failure. Understanding why this is so is the key to understanding why Phelan's method is so effective.

Usually parents get caught in the trap of explaining or justifying their prerogative. This can be done once: clearly I am the adult, and not only is it my responsibility to guide your development, but, because I have been where you are and understand your situation--mainly frustration at not getting what you want--it is I, not you, who are in a position to make the right decisions. Period. Indeed, this doesn't even have to be said once. Children understand, with or without realizing it, that Mom and Dad know better than they do.

So any sort of "talk" is not only superfluous but may obscure what has happened, namely that the child has done something wrong and the parent wants it stopped. Furthermore, if you talk, the child talks and the lesson is diluted.

Even worse is for the parent to get emotional about disciplining the child. It's your job, do it and don't get worked up about it because discipline is just a technique in the larger socialization process. If you allow yourself to become emotional, you muddy up the waters and detract from the business at hand.

Phelan's 1-2-3 Magic technique works and is easy to learn and implement. If you are an ineffective disciplinarian, this book will literally change your life. My daughter and son-in-law use this method and I can tell you without it they would be foundering about and their ability to guide my grandsons would be weakened. Never forget however that what children respond to is fairness, even-handedness, and the love that is implicit in a sincere desire to help them become fully realized human beings. Or, as Phelan succinctly puts it: "...children respond because they know Mom or Dad means business." (p. 50)

Just a quick word on this "meaning business." If you say "that's two and a half" and "that's two and three-quarters," you are NOT getting down to business. You are demonstrating that you aren't sure yourself that you are right while proving that you are unreliable. Phelan warns against this all too common parental trap.

Note too that there is no corporal punishment involved in Phelan's method. In today's world of the "professional parent" (as I like to dub my daughter and son-in-law) it is axiomatic that one does not hit or slap a child. But why? Of course violent behavior only begets violent behavior, but more than that, not hitting protects the parent from going too far. Hitting leads to more hitting. But if one never hits to begin with there is no danger of escalation. Only foolish and lazy parents hit their children. Phelan's method is an extension of this wise understanding.

The devil is in the details of parenting, you say? Yes, and in this very well written (the phrase "clear as a bell" definitely applies), you will get the details of how the method is applied in many situations and circumstances. Wondering how to put the child in "time out" at the supermarket? Phelan goes into that. What about the difference between "stop that!" and "do that"? It's one thing to get a child to stop doing something wrong. It's quite another to get the child to actually do something that needs to be done, like clean her room or do her homework. Phelan explains the difference between these two problems and how to deal with them.

Here's a another question: should the child have to apologize for what he did? Phelan warns that "many apologies are really exercises in hypocrisy." (p. 54) The child is forced to apologize for hitting his sister, but he really feels that the apology is just part of the punishment. She hit him first and she deserved it. The fine points of the murky psychology of retaliation must wait for the older child to emerge. Right now, you just stop the hitting, period.

Finally, what to do in public? Phelan devotes an entire chapter to that, and basically he says you have to bite the bullet and realize that the future character of your child is more important than any embarrassment you may experience from "counting" your child in public. From personal experience I can say that once you let the child know that being in public is no different than being at home, the child will behave. However if you let it be known that you are "vulnerable" when you're out in public, the child will immediately take advantage. Children love to test. They need to test. That's how they figure out their world.

Part of the reason this book is so polished and Phelan's methods so precise is that "over the many years of developing" his program parents have taught him how to handle tricky situations so that he now has it all covered. Also clear is Phelan's understanding of children and their needs, and the obvious affection he has for them. As he says (after you have initially explained that you are going to begin using the 1-2-3 counting method): "Expect the kids to sit there and look at you like you've just gone off your rocker." (p. 68)

Bottom line here is: if you are not aware of Phelan's very effective technique, do yourself and your children a favor and get this book.

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Most Recent Customer Reviews

5.0 out of 5 stars Does What It Says On the Cover...MAGIC
I have bought 2 of these books one for my son & daughter in law and one for myself.I have a 6 year old grandson who has just been diagnosed with ADHD. Read more
Published 3 days ago by Ros

5.0 out of 5 stars Common sense solutions
I bought the audio cd as it covers 1 2 3 Magic and More 1 2 3 magic.
I have enjoyed listening to the cd's albeit the music and intro are a bit irritating to my "Non-... Read more
Published 10 months ago by D. Cooper

5.0 out of 5 stars This really works
I bought 5 other books on the same subject to help me with my 6 (going on 16 and so fully of attitude) year old daughter and my 8 year old son. Quite simply it works! Read more
Published 11 months ago by M. Webb

5.0 out of 5 stars easy to read and remember, is magic!
This book is really good have not used all the techniques yet as my daughter is only 3 years old but what i have used works a treat! Read more
Published on 4 Jul 2007 by Ms. H. Lupton

5.0 out of 5 stars every parent should have a copy
WOW! I am a single mum with two boys aged 6 and 8, the latter child is v challenging and this book has worked A DREAM. The best parenting book ever. Very simple. Read more
Published on 11 Jul 2005 by J. K. Marie

5.0 out of 5 stars I really like this book, but read with other resources
Hey, I must admit it, I really like this book. My wife ordered it (along with "Systemic Parenting: An Exploration of the Parenting Big Picture" - Gaskill) and passed them along... Read more
Published on 18 Nov 2004

4.0 out of 5 stars There Is No One Single Magic Trick For Effective Discipline
Tom Phelan has indeed written a sensible, easy to read, discipline book that clearly explains his 1-2-3 Magic theory designed for parents of tots-gradeschoolers. Read more
Published on 31 Jul 2002

2.0 out of 5 stars Better Discipline Books Available
123 Magic is a one size fits all, quick fix approach that does NOT address the root cause of why children misbehave. Read more
Published on 6 Dec 2001 by Derrick

5.0 out of 5 stars Good and it works
A bit sceptical that this would work, especially with 2 boys with some behavioural difficulties, but it does! Read more
Published on 6 Sep 2001

2.0 out of 5 stars Some good ideas, but some flaws too.
I can see how this book can help you take control of an out-of-control parent/child relationship, BUT I don't think it's the best choice for parents with just the typical... Read more
Published on 30 April 2001

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