Next Steps in Parenting the Child Who Hurts: Tykes and Teens (Paperback)

In Next Steps, Archer describes some useful parenting skills. These include the importance of clear communication and honesty; facing up to problems rather than denying them; different ways of offering positive feedback; the use of humour and of engaging in fun activities with the young person; the necessity of parents 'taking control' in certain circumstances, but only taking on the battles which they feel they can and must win; and the wisdom of seeking outside help at times. She describes steps which may help both the child and the parent to acknowledge feelings (including anger) and deal with them appropriately. Archer is sensitive to the needs of the parents as well as those of the children. She stresses the importance of parents looking after themselves and finding their own support, and not blaming themselves for their child's problems. Parents are reminded not to neglect other children in the family.

After some general introductory chapters, Archer describes specific difficulties. She presents two scenarios involving aggressive young people, and lists a variety of possible responses to each scenario, outlining the positive and negative features of each response.

The final chapter is entitled 'sensitive situations'. Here, advice is offered for coping with a number of problem areas, including incontinence, sleeping problems, anger, lying and stealing.

Under the heading, 'additive behaviours and self-harm', brief consideration is given to issues such as early eating problems, drug and alcohol use, 'sexual acting out', self-injury and suicidality. Basic advice is offered.

Archer writes as an experienced adoptive parent, and as a member of the charity 'Adoption UK'. She encourages parents to seek help through voluntary organisations. Parents might be put off seeking professional help because Archer refers a number of times to long waiting lists and under-resourcing of child and adolescent services. Archer's approach is one which may empower parents, but it may unfortunately deter some parents from seeking professional help even when the situation is very serious. In my view, Archer is overly pessimistic about the difficulties in accessing professional help, and also about the benefits of conventional therapies.

Following Archer's recommendations from when a child is young might help to build self-esteem and good relationships, and improve communication and problem-solving skills, thus possibly prevent some difficulties from occurring. This book also provides good advice for dealing with any difficulties which are encountered. I would certainly recommend this book to parents who are having difficulties with a child they have adopted - even if only to help them realise that they are not alone in encountering such difficulties, and they are not to blame for them. The book makes reference to British systems and organisations, but is not too British-based to be of use in other countries.