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18 of 19 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
worthwhile, 11 Dec 2003
i found this a worthwhile book for lots of reasons. It is very comprehensive and if you thought you were alone in your circumstances, you almost certainly find your situation in here be it divorce, bereavement, one-night stand, donor insemination. It is particularly good at dealing with difficult questions from others - particularly nosy people! and children as they grow older with harder questions. This was the best part of the book for me - and their outlook I found very compassionate and focused - without being over-emotional. The questions they deal with are very, very common and yet little is written about them elsewhere, even if by necessity they are dealt with in a very concise way in this encyclopeadic work. The other thing i liked about it was its general positive outlook on being a single mother, and its interesting little observations e.g. sometimes other people might feel threatened by you 'cos of the view of single mothers as "hero-victim" which is very confusing for them (maybe us too) !!!! i may have a couple of small criticisms. some of the stuff seems a little bit too much like common sense, perhaps all help books have this kind of problem. Also, there is an emphasis on getting back to work, more education (some of us have loads!) and finding good daycare ... thats ok, but i don't think much was said about staying at home with your baby especially when he is small. perhaps in america this is simply not possible for single mothers ... or perhaps it is such a huge subject in its own right it couldn't be dealt with in depth here ... still there did seem to be some kind of absence. Breastfeeding gets a short mention, and sleeping with your baby/young children is not really approved of here because, it is stated, it goes against American culture. This is a book that on occasion (and quite rightly) confronts many major assumptions of Western patriarchy!!!! but sleeping with your baby (though most mothers in the rest of the world have always done so) is clearly a bridge too far! I sleep with my baby and its a lovely arrangement, we both nearly always sleep well and it feels very natural and happy and reassuring for him. he will grow out of it in his own time. one of the good things of being a single mum is that i can breastfeed, have my baby sleep with me without some man complaining he is not getting enough attention!!!! One reviewer earlier complained that the book was anti-men and i did not find this at all. it had a very dispassionate approach to the reality of male and female relationships, new relationships, male role models for sons, etc. it is just quite realistic that some men do behave in ways that need some assertive responses, which has got to be positive, especially when single mothers can very easily fall into the victim mentality that the book says is so popular. Finally, it is great that you have a book like this in the States and magazines for single mums and single working mums. It just seemed really dynamic and positive. Unfortunately here in the UK it seems to me that we have much drearier, apologetic and modest organisations. So its great that you have trailblazers like the authors of this book who, though they don't know everything, have a good handle on a huge range of single mothers' situations.
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