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12 Days of Christmas Sale in Books
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Alice was born in a London hospital during the year of the Tiger
and almost expired from a heavy chest cold, but thanks to the hospital's
Intensive Care unit, pulled through to face another lifetime.
She was brought up by her widowed mother in a converted old ballroom in
World?s End, and existed in a twilight zone of day school and extra
curriculum activities. She then woke up when exiled to boarding school, an
establishment that Alice?s mum had herself attended during the Second World
War.
In later years, a world-weary Alice recalled little about her compulsory
stretch at the segregated girls public prison, but her school days had
never been dull. Her academic days were a maroon-uniformed haze of letting
off stink bombs in prayers, reading 'Teach Yourself Latin' books in biology
(Alice devoured Latin after she discovered it was dodo dead), blowing up
dim-witted girls in domestic science classes, and breast-stroking in one's
regulation pyjamas in the school's indoor swimming pool. But, lacrosse was
what Alice lived for. Not only did she regularly smash noses, limbs, skulls
and teeth, but even assassinated one of her arch-enemies (a frizzy haired
pygmy), by shoving her beloved lacrosse stick down the victim's throat.
Excitable bystanders knew the girl had expired, when a red fountain of
blood and clotted gore gushed from her mouth. Something vital had ruptured
inside.
Fortunately for Alice, there were enough witnesses around to testify the
tragedy had been an accident, but some of Alice's classmates were not so
sure. It had only been the day before the 'murder', that the deceased had
popped some of Alice's favourite Rolling Stones singles into the toaster
with meltdown results. Then there was dieting. Some girls would gorge
themselves on buns and stodge at elevenses, forcing themselves to vomit
immediately afterwards, but most girls fanatically practiced 'hunger
strike' fasting. The bewildered games teacher couldn't understand why all
her healthy, beefy girls were shedding weight, until one girl who hadn't
eaten anything for weeks, suffocated in her sleep. From then on,
force-feeding was strictly part of the school curriculum. Twiggy had a lot
to answer for.
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