How the Way We Talk Can Change the Way We Work: Seven Languages for Transformation (Hardcover)

"Secondary gain" is the "hidden", possibly unconscious, reason why a person acts in a way that may, to an external observer, appear to be self-defeating. For example, Joe Bloggs frequently, and apparently sincerely, expresses a desire to lose weight - but he never does.
Why?
Because Joe has an unspoken belief that he will be safe from mugging so long as he looks big enough to wrestle a bull.

This isn't exactly rocket science. The genius of this book is that Kegan and Lahey have taken the "secondary gain" principle and repackaged it (without the usual psycho-babble) in a way that, hopefully, will appeal to the business community at large.

To this end they have developed a means by which people can quickly and easily - if they are willing - uncover what the authors call the "competing commitment" that undermines a person's declared commitment in a given situation.

For example, manager Fred Katz has the declared commitment of empowering his subordinates. Yet he briefs his people on a strictly "need to know" basis (and of course only Fred knows what his people "need" to know).

Using Kegan and Lahey's approach, described in detail in this book, Fred might discover that he has a competing commitment to gain promotion by demonstrating his indispensability. This he can only achieve, as he sees it, by keeping his people dependent on him as the one person in the department who has access to the "big picture".

Will this self-knowledge guarantee that Fred changes his behaviour?
Not necessarily. But at least he has a better understanding of his situation and is in a position to look for ways of achieving *both* commitments (empowerment AND promotion) in a constructive and non-conflicting manner.

Along with the main thrust of the book, the authors make a number of observations that are absolutely key elements of better management skills, including:

- sometimes it's better to let a problem ride, giving yourself a chance to learn from it, rather than trying to "fix" every little blip the moment it appears
- "The changing that people do because others make them costs an organisation a very dear price and is much shorter lived than the changing people do because they have first changed their minds"

This is a book that EVERY manager can benefit from reading, even those who think they have already achieved optimum performance.

My one criticism of the book - the reason why I have only given it four stars - is that flow of the text is regularly interrupted by lapses into poor grammar and sentence construction. And this despite, one assumes, the attentions of a professional editor.
How, for example, did this paragraph ever get into print?:

"But how exactly might we further creating and practicing this language in real life work (as opposed to merely illustrating it)?"

Surely even a basic scan of the text with a decent spelling/grammar checker would have been sufficient to pick up items like this?

What I'm really writing for is to point out that Patrick Merleverde's review seems to have been misplaced.
"How What You Say" does deal with change, but it has absolutely nothing to do with Gregory Bateson, and I'd guess that the review actually ties up to one of Robert Dilt's books.

While I recommend everyone interested in social sciences, communication, anthropology or psychology to read Bateson's books, there isn't much to learn from this book by reading 'about Bateson.'