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Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last
 
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Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last (Paperback)

by John M. Gottman (Author)
4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (13 customer reviews)

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Product details

  • Paperback: 240 pages
  • Publisher: Bloomsbury Publishing PLC; New edition edition (25 Jun 1998)
  • Language English
  • ISBN-10: 0747536031
  • ISBN-13: 978-0747536031
  • Product Dimensions: 19.2 x 12.6 x 2 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (13 customer reviews)
  • Amazon.co.uk Sales Rank: 512,673 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

    Popular in this category:

    #47 in  Books > Health, Family & Lifestyle > Families & Parents > Marriage

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Product Description

Product Description

This volume discusses four disastrous behaviours that, the author argues, destroy relationships: criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. It aims to shows that to be satisfied, couples must show a five-to-one ratio of positive moments to negative ones.

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Customer Reviews

13 Reviews
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Average Customer Review
4.1 out of 5 stars (13 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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21 of 21 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars It explains exactly how to avoid what ruins marriages., 24 Mar 1998
By A Customer
This review is from: Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last (Paperback)
About 25 years ago John Gottman, a researcher at the University of Washington, started interviewing newlyweds in his laboratory. He hooked them up to devices that measure physical responses (blood pressure, heart rate, sweat on the palms, etc.) and videotaped them while they discussed a subject that was volatile for them. What topic was sure to create a heated argument? That's the one he wanted them to talk about. He was then able to go back and study the videotapes and watch the records of blood pressure and heart rate and see how the person responded both outwardly and inwardly. And then he tracked these couples over the years. Some broke up. Some stayed together. He found something very specific that enabled him to predict, with an astoundingly high degree of accuracy, who will break up and who will stay together: How do they fight? He found four things -- four kinds of communication -- that ruin a marriage. If those four are present during an argument, the marriage is headed for disaster. His most important discovery, I think, is that it isn't the CONTENT of the fight that makes a difference, it's the PROCESS you use during an argument. If you use a lousy method of fighting, it doesn't matter if you're only arguing about a toothpaste tube, it can destroy your marriage. But with the right PROCESS -- one that avoids those four disaster-creating methods -- you can talk about a highly volatile issue like infidelity and still keep the marriage together and your love alive. When you're in an argument with your spouse, it always SEEMS that the important thing is WHAT you're arguing about. But that's not what matters. The important thing is HOW you argue. And Gottman's book tells you exactly how to avoid what doesn't work.
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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Good insight and realistic advice, 17 Jun 1999
By A Customer
This review is from: Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last (Paperback)
Excellent book for building a strong marriage. Helps you realize that some of the 'little' things you haven't been doing are really BIG things to the success of a marriage. Gives very specific examples, such as the idea of talking to each other about your hopes, dreams and fears. If you are parents you'll find a renewed sparkle between you. (Also, if you have kids, check out Perfect Parenting by Elizabeth Pantley)
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18 of 19 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Only scientific psychology book I've ever seen, 31 Dec 1998
By A Customer
This review is from: Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last (Paperback)
This book saved my marriage, quite probably. We both wanted to do so, but it allowed us to see the path we were on and take corrective action.

It's so easy to get into a bad pattern.

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Most Recent Customer Reviews

4.0 out of 5 stars Seems quite sound
So many self-tests but doing them seemed worthwhile. I felt a lot better about my marriage after reading this book and evaluating the tests, as it seems a lot of what I worried... Read more
Published on 25 Oct 2007 by calmly

4.0 out of 5 stars Positive advice on strengthening your marriage
If you and your spouse are screaming at each other over what color to paint the downstairs bathroom, it might be a sign that your marriage is in danger - but then again, it might... Read more
Published on 1 Oct 2007 by Rolf Dobelli

3.0 out of 5 stars Helpful for normal couples
This book pinpoints the key causes of marital deterioration based on scientific study and provides useful advice for normal partners who both have the potential to accept their... Read more
Published on 27 Aug 2006 by Dr. J. H. Beattie

5.0 out of 5 stars This book cleared up many unanswered questions for me!!
This book has given me the knowledge of how to deal with problems in my future marriage and to prevent things from going bad. Read more
Published on 2 Jul 1999

4.0 out of 5 stars honest check list for relationship status & how to improve
Reading this book was like a check list for me. My marriage has gotten to the point that my husband's councelor suggested we both read this book, then meet together with him. Read more
Published on 5 May 1999

5.0 out of 5 stars What a relief!
I enjoyed reading Gottman's book, especially after I had subjected myself to reading John Gray's preachy, opinionated and stereotype-based pop-psychology treatise, "Mars... Read more
Published on 16 Sep 1998

4.0 out of 5 stars First scientific self help book I've ever read.
The author is using real science to analyze relationships moving the wacky field of psychology (almost) into one of true science. I found it enormously refreshing. Read more
Published on 12 Jun 1998

2.0 out of 5 stars Very typical... Most of it is common knowledge
Dr. Gottman's book didn't cover anything most people have already heard. It's not what you fight about but how you fight. Who hasn't heard this line? Read more
Published on 16 April 1998

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