Carpe Jugulum (Discworld) [Abridged] [Audiobook] (Audio Cassette)

A number of people have commented on the similarities between this book and Lords & Ladies, with the vampires replacing the elves as villains. While I do see some similarities, there are some marked differences as well. Carpe Jugulum, I feel, stands well on its own two feet. There is a completely different purpose behind what the vampires are doing. The Count wants to modernize his people, to get them to overcome some of the "silly" stereotypes about vampires. He doesn't want a dank, gloomy castle with webs all over the place. He doesn't see the hunt as a game where the vampire always loses. He wants to take over in order to protect himself, his family, and his very way of life. If he didn't commit some thoroughly evil deeds in the process, his goal might actually be a legitimate one.

However, he does commit these acts, and thus must be stopped. This is where the book does become a little standard, with an intractable enemy facing the witches and Granny using her "headology" to save the day. I have to admit that what she decides to do is very interesting, and a nice twist on vampire myths in general. I won't reveal what she does, but suffice it to say that she turns one of the typical vampire powers back on itself in a very novel way. The plot is well-told by Pratchett, and for once the ending doesn't actually come out of left field. If you read the characters properly (especially Igor, who is also introduced in this book), then you may be able to guess what happens.

As for the characters, Pratchett again excels. The witches are their normal selves (Magrat is kind of shy but shields a strong backbone when push comes to shove, Nanny Ogg is lewd and crude but always knowledgeable, and Granny is her usual gruff self with a heart underneath which nobody will ever see unless they really look), but the new witch Agnes is also very interesting. She has a second side to herself which occasionally comes out. It is a separate personality, which is invaluable in protecting her from the vampire charms. Mightily Oats is also a hoot, but deep enough that you do start to care about him. His crisis of faith isn't exactly unique, but Pratchett gives him enough differences to avoid making him unoriginal.

The vampires steal the show, though, along with Igor. We have the Count, who is determined to change things. His wife, the Countessa, is going along with him but doesn't really believe in it. The kids, Lacrimosa and Vlad, don't see any point to all this. They just want to feed and play with the mortals. These four argue constantly, as the Count flashes them holy signs to harden them against the effects, makes them stay up during the day, and overall annoys them with his optimism that all of these things can be changed. He's also looking forward to matching wits with Granny, and there are a couple of times where you think that maybe Granny won't succeed. Igor, however, is the best character in the book. The vampires are sure that his lisp and the way he walks is all part of the "game" and that he doesn't need to do all of that. But Igor is a traditionalist, constantly referring to how the old "mathter" used to do things. "The old mathter loved my spider webs." He's a fun character, and I completely understand why Pratchett has used an Igor in almost every book since this one. He truly is a wonderful creation.

The humour is Pratchett at his best, with some innuendo (though kids have either already heard it or wont' get it). The Witches books always seem to contain things like that, and as before, the plot is much more straightforward then is usual in a Discworld book. He seems to like using the "traditional" villains whenever they are involved, perhaps because they are the most "normal" heroes he has created. Sometimes there are some seemingly unnecessary bits, such as the little blue people (Nac mac Feegle) who help King Verence attack the vampires. However, they are hilarious, so I'll forgive the fact that they don't really do a lot in the book. The puns are atrocious (the name of the vampires' castle is "Don'tgonearthe Castle") but I couldn't stop laughing.

If you like Pratchett but don't like the Witches, then this book won't change your mind. But if you haven't tried them yet, give this one a try. You don't need to have read the previous witches books (though it does help). And if you're reading this after reading the next few books, keep in mind that some things you know about vampires just aren't true...yet. What a bloody treat!

David Roy