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Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No, to Take Control of Your Life
 
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Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No, to Take Control of Your Life (Paperback)

by Dr. Henry Cloud (Author), Dr. John Townsend (Author)
4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (43 customer reviews)
RRP: £9.99
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Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No, to Take Control of Your Life + Changes That Heal: How to Understand the Past to Ensure a Healthier Future + Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't
Price For All Three: £17.55

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Product details

  • Paperback: 304 pages
  • Publisher: Zondervan; Revised edition edition (1 Mar 2002)
  • Language English
  • ISBN-10: 0310247454
  • ISBN-13: 978-0310247456
  • Product Dimensions: 21.3 x 14 x 2.5 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (43 customer reviews)
  • Amazon.co.uk Sales Rank: 14,127 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

    Popular in these categories:

    #9 in  Books > Mind, Body & Spirit > Self Help > Inspirational
    #38 in  Books > Religion & Spirituality > Christianity > Christian Living
    #57 in  Books > Mind, Body & Spirit > Spirituality

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Product Description

Book Description

Having clear boundaries is essential to a healthy, balanced lifestyle. A boundary is a personal property line that marks those things for which we are responsible. In other words, boundaries define who we are and who we are not. Boundaries impact all areas of our lives: Physical boundaries help us determine who may touch us, mental boundaries give us the freedom to have our own thoughts, emotional boundaries help us to deal with our own emotions and spiritual boundaries help us to distinguish God's will from our own.


From the Publisher

Synopsis:
While co-dependency was the buzzword of the 1980s, boundaries may be the word for the 1990s. According to authors and clinical psychologists, Henry Cloud and John Townsend, a boundary is defined as one’s personal property line and delineates those things for which he or she is responsible. The premise of their book, Boundaries, and its accompanying workbook, is that a great number of psychological, spiritual, and relational disorders have boundary conflicts at their core. This Gold Medallion award-winning book seeks to present a biblical treatment of boundaries, identifies how boundaries are developed and how they become disrupted, illustrates misconceptions of their function and purpose, targets boundary conflicts, and gives a program for developing and maintaining healthy limits. Boundaries affect all areas of our lives: · Physical boundaries help us determine who may touch us, how, and when. · Mental boundaries give us freedom to have our own thoughts and opinions. · Emotional boundaries help us deal with our own emotions and disengage us from the harmful, manipulative emotions of others. · Spiritual boundaries help us distinguish God’s will from our own and give us renewed awe for our Creator. The Boundaries Workbook, available separately, provides practical, non-theoretical exercises that will help set healthy boundaries with parents, spouses, children, freidns, co-workers, and even yourself. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.
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Customer Reviews

43 Reviews
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Average Customer Review
4.5 out of 5 stars (43 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

 
63 of 64 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Superb, enlightening, book to help you live, 30 Nov 2002
By A. J. Bray "Adrian Bray" (lowestoft, suffolk) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
This review is from: Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life (Paperback)
Firstly, although the authors are Christian and have wriiten this book with numerous biblical references, you do not have to be a believer yourself to understand their 'message'. Personal 'boundaries' are as equally relevant to Moslems, Buddhists and so on, as they are to 'non believers like myself.
Many of us were brought up without a clear indication of the concept of boundaries. The nearest I can recall is that my father went to work to earn money which kept us and my mother cooked and kept house. As for children, well, they were to be seen, but not heard! There must have been other 'boundaries' that I was taught, but they are not obvious (even now at 56 years of age). Looking back on my life I can see that had I known of and developed boundaries such as those in this excellant book, my life would have been less 'hassle' and I would have been more easily understood by others.
Drs. Cloud and Townsend are clinical psychologists and their insight and knowledge of human interactions is 'mindblowing'. As an example, many of us who are in conflict with someone often take our grievences to a third party. Sometimes it is for advice, but probably more often than not we hope 'they' will agree that we are 'in the right'. By doing so, we put people in positions that is impossible, probably only with the facts that you wish them to have and the risk is that 'the problem' ropes in others who should not be involved.
However, these Christian authors are quite clear that the best way is to confront people with behaviour that you find difficult to cope with and work out a solution with them. Obvious isn't it? Only though, how many of us tackle problems in such a direct manner? Many Christians have been taught that the 'right way' is to turn the other cheek or show love instead. Therefore, it is immensely refreshing to receive advice from Christian authors that appear more human based and reassuringly effective in many cases, but not always I hasten to add.
They tell us that 'confrontation' helps both parties to 'grow'. All this seems common sense, but how many of us interact with others in the tradional Christian way?
There is so much good advice throughout this book (I particularly liked the 'spiritual laws') that it will be a constant companion to me for the remainder of my life.
Interestingly, this book has generated a respect in me of the Holy Bible that I neve had previously had. Thank you Drs Cloud and Townsend for a really helpful and important work.
I will be a more mature and a less complex character in my dealings with people I come into contact with as a result of your excellant book.
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18 of 18 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars This book may change your life forever!!, 10 Jun 1998
By A Customer
This review is from: Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No: When to Say Yes, When to Say No, to Take Control of Your Life (Hardcover)
This book is what "self-help" books should be! Not only does it clearly define what boundaries are, but it clearly explains how they are developed (or not developed), and how having boundaries (or the lack thereof) affects every area of our lives. If you aren't sure you understand what boundaries are (much less how to have them in your life), this book is for you. If you have been going through life feeling that something is missing, but you can't quite figure out what's wrong, this book may change your life forever! I know it changed mine! It's much more than just learning when to say "yes" and when to say "no". It's about knowing what defines you as individual. While it emphasizes accepting responsibility for yourself -- your thoughts, actions, feelings -- it is by no means a "pull yourself up by your own bootstraps" kind of book! It truly is one of the best blends of Christianity and clinical psychology I have ever read!
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23 of 24 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Life changing, 30 Aug 2006
By P. Hazelden (Bristol, England) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
This is a life-changing book, and a classic. I thnk the main message of the book can be summarised very simply: I need to understand where my boundaries are; take responsibility for the things within my own boundaries; and allow other people to take responsibility for the things within their boundaries.

Several aspects of the book can be quite annoying.

* It is American, with the cultural assumptions and norms that this implies.

* It is very Christian, with many references to Biblical stories and providing chapter and verse references to most of the quotes. This is not a problem for me, but I suspect it will limit the accessibility of the book for prople who are not evangelical Christians, which is a pity because the content works whatevery you believe.

* The style is very repetitive and obvious: you hear about the experiencs of a person who is struggling with areas of their life, they get taught how to apply appropriate boundaries, and you then hear about how much better their life is now that they apply the principles we have taught them.

All of which is to say that the book grates on some people's nerves. But don't let this put you off: whatever the problems of culture and style, the content is relevant and vital. If you are not applying these principles, this book could be one of the most important you will ever read; and if you are, it will help you understand why your life is so much better than most of the people around you - and how to help them take control of their lives.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews

5.0 out of 5 stars Very enlightening
The booked has opened up my thinking and helped me to understand my world better. I don't have to be trapped by my past, the book has helped me grow.
Published 23 days ago by 0906Jill

5.0 out of 5 stars ,For People who rush around too much after others
I purchased this book to give to someone, she says its very interesting reading, & has opened her eyes to things she didnt realise & is still reading it.
Published 1 month ago by Mrs. J. Harris

5.0 out of 5 stars Life changing
This should be part of basic education!! Luckily it's all in a book for us to read. This book changed my outlook on many thing in life. Read more
Published 2 months ago by Nazunu

5.0 out of 5 stars Sound Relationship Advice
Boundaries is an excellent book for those struggling with relationships - who isn't? It is written by Christian psychologists and examines how we should take responsibility for... Read more
Published 3 months ago by Annie

1.0 out of 5 stars I kept wanting to close the book when they quoted the bible AGAIN
I can't say if what they are writing about Boundaries is any good as I kept being so totally put off by the liberal bibilical quotations to back up whatever they said. Read more
Published 3 months ago by Sheychen

2.0 out of 5 stars Not for general consumption
This book has many helpful ideas; however, it is written from a fundamentalist Christian viewpoint that makes those ideas difficult to tease out from the numerous scriptual... Read more
Published 4 months ago by Mary Offermann

5.0 out of 5 stars A life changing read
Having read a lot of personal development books over the years this one stands in a league of its own. Read more
Published 6 months ago by Liz M

5.0 out of 5 stars Boundaries: When to say yes, how to say no, to take control of your life
This book is life changing, even for non-Christians. It shows clearly how not having boundaries in your life harms not only yourself, but others too. Read more
Published 9 months ago by Anna KV

5.0 out of 5 stars Bounderies by Dr Cloud review.
Heard about this book on a christian advice radio phone in show. Arrived promptly. Very good condition. Great book with very sound and grounded biblical application. Read more
Published 9 months ago by Ms. M. L. Pham

5.0 out of 5 stars Drawing a good line in religious life
A very kind, down-to-earth book - the best kind of Christian counseling for managing relations, obligations, caring and abuse. Read more
Published 22 months ago by Brian Griffith

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