Most Helpful Customer Reviews
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14 of 14 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
Stab Wound, 26 May 2009
Clive Cussler's Dirk Pitt® (not pronounced like the bread product, to the best of my knowledge) is only one of several personality simulacra which festoon this book, which in turn can only truly be described as a mass dumping of toxic waste at sea. Cussler, you see, really likes treasure and ship wrecks and all who sail on them - so if you buy yourself a copy of Valhalla Rising, you should prepare yourself to encounter multiple cut-and-paste versions of the following "characters":
Thirty or forty ship's captains, all with with grey beards, clear blue eyes, ruddy cheeks, peg-legs and parrots (well, three out of five's not bad).
A host of the most ridiculously named characters, about one of which our hero has the gall to say "Sounds phoney" - this coming from someone whose name reads like it was lifted from a medieval Scottish autopsy report.
Twelve or so females, all representative of the "hot" sub-group, none representative of the "suffragette" sub-group, all of whom - regardless of whether they are divers, oceanographic specialists, administrators, pilots, computer-generated AI interfaces (yes, really) or MEMBERS OF CONGRESS - like nothing more than to cook and clean up after their men.
And, of course, there is Clive Cussler - who manages to appear not just as himself, saving the day in a striking example of Deus ex Litericha; and not just in the form of his obvious hero fantasy persona, Dirk Pitt®, he that is damply lusted after by all women but who somehow never quite finds the time to take advantage of this, yet who DOES have plenty of inclination to cram himself into close quarters with all sorts of strapping, backslapping, super-masculine sailors (and there's NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT - just admit it, man); no, Cussler appears not JUST in these forms, but also in the form of his fantasy persona's juvenile CLONE, Dirk Pitt Jn®, a carbon copy of this ageing neutered sex-pot who can only be the product of a skin-cell fertilisation program or immaculate conception - but through whom, as only the second link in a divine chain, we can be assured of an infinite procession of adventures still to come...
IT'S TERRIBLE. Hilariously bad at times - at one point I snorted in derision so hard I had to run for a tissue - but still TERRIBLE. Avoid it like a plague rat - unless you don't mind laughing until you scream.
ALTERNATIVELY - if you're a member of the no-brains-required, "don't take it so seriously, man", DAN BROWN readership, then feel free to quote-mine this for my ringing endorsement:
"Dirk Pitt® ... is ... Clive Cussler's ... immaculate conception" - FOUR WHITE STARS
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9 of 10 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Brilliant read, action from beginning to end., 25 Oct 2001
One of the best Dirk and Al adventures I have every read and I have read them all. Plenty of action, twists and turns and a marvelous plot. One or two mistakes (no one can sit at the end of a round table) but these did not detract from a very good book. The plot was amazing and in parts I have to confess I was in tears. How does Clive Cussler do it every time. Looking forward to the next Dirk Pitt and Al Giordino adventure.
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
Worse than Tec Wars by William Shatner, 10 Sep 2008
This is, without exception, the worst book that I have ever read. I picked it up a couple of weeks ago on holiday as the weather was poor and there was no other Engish language literature in the house. If I had had so much as a shampoo bottle to read I would cheerfully have buried it in the garden after the first 50 or so pages. Its one redeeming feature is that parts of the book were, unconciously, laugh out loud funny. Mr Cusslers extreme attention to detail when it comes to letting you understand his own tastes in minute detail, in areas from interior design to womens clothing of the seventies, were a particular highlight. I suspect the author also writes his own blurb inside the cover as it comments on the similarities between Mr Cussler and his hero Dirk Pitt. I must also comment on the extreme narcissism of appearing as a character in your own book, complete with private yacht and enigmatic twinkle in the eye. It beggars belief that these books are as popular as they are, I must suggest to anyone contemplating reading this that if they are looking for a "boys own" type adventure novel, which this is undoubtably desperate to be, that is easy to read and difficult to put down then they should try some John Buchan or Capt. W.E. Johns. This book takes the cake for sheer, unadulterated, ego driven, dross.
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