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Tony Hawks' debut book, The Round Ireland with a Fridge, was an irreverent satire. The topic of the sequel is even more absurd. Like Round Ireland, it supposedly originates from an obscure bet. This time, Hawks bets he can't track-down the Moldovan football team and beat them all at tennis. The loser must perform the Moldovan national anthem naked on Balham High Road. However, knowledge of tennis and/or football isn't required to enjoy the book.
Hawks' Irish trip was characterised by willing accomplices who joined in the fun. In Moldova, Hawks also expects a good laugh. Despite the rarity of visitors, he receives an apathetic welcome as his mission provokes little more than weak smiles. Tracking down the footballers and persuading them to play turns becomes almost impossible.
The book treads a fine line between brilliant and juvenile, between Jeremy Beadle and the genuinely witty. Hawks' sixth-form joke of presenting a round table to Moldova's new King Arthur is especially cringe-worthy. His experience as a second-division stand-up leads to innumerable trite quips. Still, overall Playing The Moldovans At Tennis is an entertaining, easy read that will make you chuckle. It provides an interesting view of Eastern Europe's post-Communist life, while keeping you in suspense: Will he? Won't he? Suffice to say that, yes, at the end of the book someone does end up naked and singing outside a South London Woolworths. --Sarah Champion --
Book Description
September 1997. Tony Hawks and Arthur Smith are watching the football round at Tony’s house. England are playing Moldova in the World Cup qualifiers and winning easily. The conversation, oddly, turns to tennis, which Arthur has always asserted is a “crap game”, especially after Tony beat him at it on holiday in Majorca, easily. A pedantic argument ensues, Tony believing that even a “natural sportsman or sportswoman” couldn’t be good at tennis without the proper tuition. Arthur vowing that most natural sportsmen (like the footballers on the telly) could pick up a racket and, without too much bother, play a good game, in fact, they could beat Tony (ex-Sussex Junior champion, former Equity knockout winner). And so a childish bet was proffered that Tony couldn’t play all of the Moldovan national football team at tennis (“I believe a hundred pounds is sufficient to get you doing these kinds of things”) and beat them all. “I could, I could beat them all” said Tony! ! . “Not every single one of them,” taunted his friend conspiratorially, “One of them is bound to be very good.” A further carrot was clearly needed: “Look, if you beat them all then I’ll stand naked on Balham High Street and sing the Moldovan National Anthem”. “With a pixie hat on. On your head.” “Alright. As long as you supply the hat.” The bet was on. Tony would have to visit Moldova (it’s on the north eastern Romanian border), track down the eleven men who played in the England match, and one by one, persuade them to play him at tennis and beat them. Simple...
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