Understanding is Priceless, 8 Sep 2003

Yes, false accusations happen, yes families are ruined by them, but through this book you will be able to astablish a definite view of your relationship. I never doubted my partner, everything seemed to click into place when she accepted her abuse. Her abuse seemed to explain so many of the issues we faced as a couple and that had hitherto confused me.

But for me, who could never be as close to the situation as my partner was, her early recovery was a nightmare. I was unsure what I could do to help, unsure what she needed and didn't need and when my own emotions reached fever pitch I bought this book to try to make sense of them. I was starting to be eaten by my Partner's grief and was feeling overwhelmed.

And help it did. It helped me to understand why some things are like they are and why they aren't going to change overnight. It helped me by explaining my partner in a way she physically couldn't. And it helped me to assess my own attitudes and needs and to ensure that I remained as fulfilled as I could whilst still supporting and loving my partner.

One reviewer says that the book doesn't provide long term answers. True it doesn't, but that's because one size doesn't fit all - the path every couple need to take is different and the outcome of that journey will be unique. I don't want a book to make false promises. Dealing with the effects of abuse is hard both for the survivor and their partner. This book eases that journey.

Incidentally, if you're in a similar position to me expect lots of tears as you read this book, but you'll feel so much better for them. The relief combined with a renewed understanding of the issues your partner faces and how you interect with them makes this book well worth the money.

Don't worry about finding time to read it, the book is set in a nice Q&A style which means you can dip in to relevent areas quickly and spend time later reading the less relevent material.

All in all, if you're in the situation of needing support in this situation you really can't start with a better book.

Finally, the survivor in your life should try "The Courage to Heal" co-written by the same author with Ellen Bass

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Supporters Find Answers in Allies in Healing, 25 Jun 1997

Written in straightforward question and answer format by one of the authors of the best-selling Courage To Heal, Allies in Healing covers topics ranging from dealing with emotions (your own included) to confronting the perpetrator to sexuality.

Allies In Healing also includes the personal stories of a few partners of survivors. Written frankly, the book admits that not all relationships with survivors are destined for success, but also speaks of the incredible benefits of such a relationship.

For anyone who is a loved one or partner of a survivor should turn to this book first- it is the companion to Courage To Heal and will provide many answers to some of the most pressing questions.

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