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Friends and Enemies: Our Need to Love and Hate
 
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Friends and Enemies: Our Need to Love and Hate (Hardcover)

by Dorothy Rowe (Author)
5.0 out of 5 stars See all reviews (1 customer review)

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Product details

  • Hardcover: 560 pages
  • Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers Ltd (4 Sep 2000)
  • Language English
  • ISBN-10: 0002559390
  • ISBN-13: 978-0002559393
  • Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars See all reviews (1 customer review)
  • Amazon.co.uk Sales Rank: 559,603 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Product Description

Review
'Her appeal rests on a combination of clarity of vision, sanity, compassion, deep-seated rationalism and an eye, like Jane Austen's, for social satire. Her work forces you to think for yourself, challenge received ideas and take responsibility for your own life' - Linda Grant 'Dorothy Rowe is full of robust good sense, rare intuitive wisdom and unhurried sensitivity. She pursues meaning, self-knowledge and understanding with patient ferocity. She is a giver of courage' - Nigella Lawson

Much has been written about the need for love - of oneself, one's fellow creatures, indeed the inhabitants of the whole natural world - but fewer words have explored the value of enemies in society. Psychologist Rowe here explores the notion that our enemies are useful somehow, in reinforcing the value of our friends and loved ones, applying this theory not only on an individual level, but even on a national scale. In exploring the nature of love and hate, Rowe throws light on how human behaviour works and how we might achieve greater happiness through an understanding of our basic need to love, and to hate. (Kirkus UK)

Product Description
At the end of each of her books, Dorothy Rowe describes how happiness and satisfaction come not just from achievements, but from enjoying good relationships with other people. To date, however, she has not explored what constitutes a rewarding friendship, and in this book she sets out to do just that. But if human beings crave good relationships, they also need bad ones. In imagining we have enemies we at least have the comfort of knowing that someone, somewhere, is thinking of us. At every level both people and nations seek out hate-figures, whether they are children at school or the Serbs and Albanians in Kosovo. By delving into what it is that makes us hate as well as what makes human behaviour, drawing upon her own prodigious wisdom and the work of neuroscientists and intelligence specialists to show not only what friendship is but how it may be learned as a skill.

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28 of 28 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Learning to change, 17 Jan 2001
By A Customer
Those readers familiar with the work of Dorothy Rowe will realise immediately that Friends and Enemies is more ambitious in breadth of research, theory and knowledge than her previous books. Geographically, the essays in the book range through minutely observed, intensely descriptive encounters with citizens of Northern Ireland, Kosovo, South Africa and Lebanon, to well-documented conversations with asylum seekers and refugees worldwide, whose stories of appalling trials and tortures illustrate Ms Rowe's primary premise. We need enemies as well as friends as both render our existence valid. As detailed in previous books, she divides human beings into two distinct psychological types, introvert and extravert, whose relationships may be complementary or antagonistic. These two types can be further sub-divided; I was fascinated to discover the "socially-skilled introvert" and the "shy extravert", each of whom may live life believing themselves their own opposite!

Each of us lives trapped within our learned observations and can never fully know anything or anyone outside of our own perception of the world, dubbed our "meaning structure" by Ms Rowe. Our relationships, individually and on a global scale are further complicated by what Ms Rowe calls "primitive pride", a defence structure whereby our learned defence mechanisms spring into action to protect our meaning structure from damage or even annihilation from other persons or even from ourselves. We work with the tool of meaning structure, which we protect with the tool of primitive pride. Individually, this can lead to intense damage in human relationships and to conflict and war between neighbouring communities and distant countries. We must learn to change, to accept ourselves and other people as individuals on a personal, political and global level if we are to reduce human conflict in the coming century. Political leaders must be held to be the prime movers in instigating change, but the resposibility lies with all of us. Friendship and meaningful human communication are essential to all of us in our search for a rich and varied life. Dorothy Rowe's formidable knowledge of the human condition is tempered by her familiar intelligent empathy and down to earth wisdom, honed through many years' experience both as psychologist and lifelong observer of her fellow man. Not for the first time she threads her narrative with references to the emotional scarring of her own early life with her family in Australia. Each time I finish a book by Dorothy Rowe, I am astonished and grateful that she is so willing to share.

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