Your Child ... Your Way: Create a Positive Parenting Pattern for Life [Paperback]

'A distinctly fresh take for today's generation of uncertain parents'

As an often insecure mum of two children herself and a clinical psychologist, Dr Tanya Byron knows about parenting from both a professional and personal perspective. Rather than separate the two, Tanya infuses her professional knowledge with personal insight and the result is advice that really does work. She offers the practical tools to deal with any situation or behaviour, and also helps parents to understand the whys and have the confidence to handle anything life as a parent throws their way.This is the ultimate guide to positive parenting. Tanya's hope is that once a parent has read her book, they won't need her or anyone else's advice again — because they will trust and believe in their own instincts, and follow the signs their child gives them.

Can parenting be a combination of a few tips and techniques?

Is it a role that involves a series of tasks in order to 'get it right'?

Can or should parenting be that simple?

Well, from my own experience as a mother and as a clinical psychologist working with children and their families, I would say absolutely not.

There has to be more to it - something that, in this age of 'getting it right', we have lost. It is time to step back, take a deep breath and find your own solutions - be your own expert. I will give you the tools to turn difficult behaviours around and, more importantly, I will help you develop confidence as a parent and an instinctive connection to what works for you and your child in this, the most incredible relationship you will ever have.

Dr Tanya Byron is a clinical psychologist who has practised within the UK's National Health Service for sixteen years. She has in-depth experience of working and teaching in many aspects of mental health and psychology. She specializes in treating children, teenagers and families with psychological difficulties in a wide range of areas. She has two children of her own.

Why do we need a book to tell us how to do what should be the most instinctive part of our lives? There is so much parenting information and advice out there that is confusing and disempowering. The aim of this book is to help you really think about the kind of parent you are and the kind of parent you want to be, but mostly to understand your child, because once you understand their behaviour's meaning, you'll be able to manage it.
This book is not about superficial problem solving, so it's not a prescriptive approach to parenting, although I will offer practical guidance wherever possible. It's about enabling you to manage the first stage of your child's development where their behaviour will be challenging, which is as a toddler, and then find a way of setting up a positive pattern for the whole of your relationship as a parent rather than just in the short term. This book can help prevent behaviour problems as well as solve them but most importantly allow you to define the parent you want to be and to be the expert on your child.
So it's about understanding your child, and more importantly understanding the way you respond to your child based on your own history and personality. And to avoid getting into a notion that there is always a quick fix, understanding that sometimes there are no answers and that's OK. And at times when there are answers it's important to implement the strategies in a way that, yes, in the short term will solve the problems, but also in the longer term will form the kind of relationship you have with your child.
However, I realize that you might be opening this book exhausted and looking for solutions. That's why the first two parts of this book will enable you to break out of that negative cycle and get solving practical problems. So, for example, if your child has a sleep problem - maybe they're in your bed - I will show you what steps you can take to change that pattern and get your child sleeping happily in their own bed.
But it's essential to go further than solve the initial problem. As a psychologist, I know that unless you really understand how that problem started in the first place and address that your child will soon be back in your bed/throwing huge tantrums/refusing to eat/not using the potty - or whatever your specific difficulty is. There are three key steps in this process: `What is the problem?', `What do you do?' and `Why was it a problem in the first place?'. By addressing the third stage you can maintain the change.
Each and every child is unique, so therefore it is slightly ludicrous to expect a singular approach to managing children to be the way to go. You need to bring a great deal to this process yourself, take the different blocks and put them together in a way that works for you and your family.
My hope is that by the end of this book you will have a clearer understanding of child behaviour and positive, practical psychological and behavioural management techniques for the times when you need to help your child learn. More importantly, however, I hope that your experience of reading this book gives you the confidence to take ownership of being your child's parent so that you can implement these strategies in a way that works for you and your child within the context of a loving and nurturing relationship.
Because much of the parenting information available is confusing and leaves you feeling that you are actually the least able person to parent your child I've written this book to be different - this book is about parenting your child - your way.

So, what kind of parent are you?

Although many of you will have thought - not a very good one - to the question above, I urge you to think further. This book hasn't been written for `bad' parents and `bad' children. It's been written for confused and anxious parents and their children who are possibly feeling quite similar things. You may see me as the `expert' who - if you read hard enough and really concentrate (despite the fact that you're exhausted and would rather be watching telly with a glass of something chilled ...) - will give you the magic answer you've been looking for. You're hoping for flow charts, diagrams and neatly boxed-off case studies; you want easy to follow step-by-step totally successful management plans. But haven't you already got lots of those books on your shelves and aren't you still feeling confused, some of you possibly feeling worse - out of control and unable to cope? I'd say that you are but that your anxiety drives you on to read further, make more notes, and try, if it kills you, to find the magic answer. Well, the truth is that if those approaches worked you wouldn't have considered buying this book, so maybe there has to be another way.
I suspect you may find that concept quite challenging and it may make some of you feel rather panic stricken but actually the good news is that you don't need a book to tell you what to do because inside yourself you actually have a very good idea. No, you need a book to enable you to relax enough to allow you to be that parent - the parent who instinctively knows what works and what doesn't for their child; the parent who allows themselves and their child to sometimes not know; the parent who believes that they are the expert when it comes to parenting their child above anybody else.
So what kind of parent are you? You are the best parent your child could have. You are the parent who raises your child, your way.
My hope is that this book will help to get you there.