- Paperback: 336 pages
- Publisher: Virago; New Ed edition (26 Mar. 1992)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 1853814717
- ISBN-13: 978-1853814716
- Product Dimensions: 12.6 x 2.2 x 19.6 cm
- Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars See all reviews (18 customer reviews)
- Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 43,415 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation Paperback – 26 Mar 1992
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More About the Author
Tannen combines a novelist's ear for the way people speak with a rare power of original analysis ... fascinating (OLIVER SACKS)
Her international bestseller, the book that shows us at last, why we find it so difficult to talk to the opposite sex. Reissued to coincide with her new book The Argument Culture.See all Product Description
Inside This Book(Learn More)
Many years ago I was married to a man who shouted at me, "I do not give you the right to raise your voice to me, because you are a woman and I am a man." Read the first page
Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Index | Back Cover
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Top Customer Reviews
Dr Deborah Tannen is a professor of linguistics; her first book on the subject of communications was called "That's not what I meant." That book had ten chapters about alternative aspects of differing conversationsal styles and the misunderstandings they can cause: one of those ten chapters dealt with gender differences. But as Dr Tannen explains in the preface to this book, 90% of the feedback and requests for interviews or follow-up articles concerning that first book concentrated on 10% of it - the chapter on male-female differences.
The reason is not hard to seek. Differences in geographical origin, profession, race, class or ethnic background can easily be associated with differing communication styles which can lead to misunderstandings. However, we are not forced to build our most important and intimate relationships with people from whom we have such differences, though some choose to. But none of us can avoid having relationships central to our lives with people of the opposite sex. All of us have one parent of the other gender, the 90% of us who are heterosexuals have to look for our life-partners among the other gender, anyone who has a child has a 50% chance of having to raise someone of the other gender.
So Dr Tannen set out to explore communications and misunderstandings between men and women, and this book was the result.
I had been married less than two weeks when my wife and I managed to almost exactly act out one of the first examples of a male-female misunderstanding given in this book.Read more ›
Deborah Tannen is a linguist who clearly addresses how and why women and men communicate differently. She explains that women communicate primarily to establish connections and negotiate relationships while men talk as a primary means to preserve independence and to negotiate and maintain status in a hierarchical social order. Tannen explains that although women also talk to preserve independence and achieve status, and men communicate to establish connections, it isn't the primary concern or focus of the majority of their conversations.
You Just Don't Understand helps a person to gain a better understanding of his or her own individual communication techniques. A well written, researched, insightful and informative book, You Just Don't Understand, presents the gender difference material in a clear, non-subjective and positive manner. This low-bias approach enhances the quality of the material significantly. The author addresses a number of other issues besides gender differences that govern communication techniques. For example, boys and girls grow up in different worlds and this has a significant effect on how they communicate. Consequently, other issues besides gender differences need to be explored and understood to create an effective dialog between the sexes.
Understanding of linguistic differences promotes better relationships. I recommend this book for anyone interested in learning more about how men and women communicate.
The Re-Discovery of Common Sense: A Guide To: The Lost Art of Critical Thinking
Tannen has the foundations of research, but uses an easy anecdotal style, which is the book's strength and eventually also its weakness. For me, at least, the bits sized bits do grate eventually and the themes become repetitious, but it's easy enough to stop reading at that point!
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Fascinating analysis of why men and women often fail to communicate what they really mean.Published 8 months ago by LuluJ
was bought on recomendation from councillor bit hard reading but ok.Published 15 months ago by mark ashbridge
Quick delivery; the book in good state; content a bit out-dated in the sense of gender stereotypes.
Still it is good to know the way things were back then, but the 80's logic... Read more
Brilliant book, I am a psychotherapist and I have purchased many copies for my clients. Such an easy read, she is not a psychologist but a linguist but she has really understood... Read morePublished 20 months ago by Keith Davies-Evans
Not my cup of tea. Too anecdotal. I found it difficult to find a particular point i wanted to check.Published on 27 Feb. 2013 by Bea
As a teacher of English Language - and particularly Language and Gender, I have found Tannen's insights and ideas extremely helpful when attempting to teach A-level students about... Read morePublished on 12 Feb. 2011 by Scaroth, Last of the Jagaroth
"You just don't understand", was a source of real satisfaction to me. I was surprised, amused - indeed shocked by some of its revelations. Read morePublished on 6 July 2009 by June Flowers