- Mass Market Paperback: 323 pages
- Publisher: Prentice Hall Press (Feb 2004)
- Language English
- ISBN-10: 0735203474
- ISBN-13: 978-0735203471
- Product Dimensions: 22.6 x 15 x 2.5 cm
- Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 1,301,217 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Product Description
Amazon.co.uk Review
Communications consultant Audrey Nelson and writer Susan Golant have created a strategic book, You Don't Say: Navigating Nonverbal Communication Between the Sexes, about the power of what men and women don't say. Drawing on 25 years experience of "looking at the dirty laundry of male/female miscommunication" they invite readers to use non-verbal cues to succeed at work and in love. Rather than assume that men and women are from different planets, the authors explore how every culture invents gender-linked communication styles. Their key to effectiveness is "Gender-Flexing," a technique to recognise the limits of sexual typecasting and make strategic--rather than gender-linked--decisions about non-verbal signals. The question becomes: what kind of non-verbal behaviour will be most effective in this situation? The answer is found in understanding how a smiling woman can undercut her credibility or why a stone-faced man fails to convey understanding. The authors' approach is anthropological, drawing on work of Ray Birdwhistell and Edward Hall, but it is also readable and highly practical. They focus on the misunderstandings that result from "typical" gender facial expressions (the flirt or poker face), eye contact (avoid the stare down and the down cast eyes), touch (death to the limp handshake and the space violator posture) and hand gestures (how to--and how not to--talk with your hands). This well-written book is peppered with research and packed with solid advice. --Barbara Mackoff, Amazon.com
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta)
Amazon.com:
7 reviews
10 of 10 people found the following review helpful
Moderately Disappointed
7 Dec 2007
Format:Mass Market Paperback
This won't be very long, since I am not overly concerned with being critical of this book. However, the five-star rating is somewhat misleading.
Nelson's book is essentially a 323 page list of female nonverbal communication patterns and behaviours, contrasted with a list of male nonverbal communication patterns and behaviours. The first 100 or so pages provide a psychological analysis of the reasons for the communication patterns the author discusses. The extent to which the author "moves beyond" simply stating the differences between genders, is a "Gender Rx" at the end of every chapter, that basically tells women to use more "male nonverbal behaviour" and vice versa for males. Not an extremely useful book if you have studied nonverbal communication at any length.
This isn't a terrible book by any means; however, it is completely undeserving of a five-star rating.
Nelson's book is essentially a 323 page list of female nonverbal communication patterns and behaviours, contrasted with a list of male nonverbal communication patterns and behaviours. The first 100 or so pages provide a psychological analysis of the reasons for the communication patterns the author discusses. The extent to which the author "moves beyond" simply stating the differences between genders, is a "Gender Rx" at the end of every chapter, that basically tells women to use more "male nonverbal behaviour" and vice versa for males. Not an extremely useful book if you have studied nonverbal communication at any length.
This isn't a terrible book by any means; however, it is completely undeserving of a five-star rating.
5 of 7 people found the following review helpful
understanding womanspeak
6 Mar 2004
Format:Mass Market Paperback
A great insight as to why men and women "hear" things differently from one another. It's fascinating to realize that the sexes approach communication from completely different sets of perspectives. This book has given me insight into my own inabilities to make myself understood by the women who surround me, at work and at home.
I would recommend it especially to managers and employers seeking to integrate a more holistic approach to communication between the sexes in the workplace.
I would recommend it especially to managers and employers seeking to integrate a more holistic approach to communication between the sexes in the workplace.
Nelson has tried to show that it isn't necessary to attribute blame when "the message" isn't as clear as it could be. She offers insights into how to develop a way of listening that facilitates better understanding and dialogue.
4 of 6 people found the following review helpful
Fun & Practical--A 'Must Have' for People Seeking Success
4 Mar 2004
Format:Mass Market Paperback
Nelson's text is a welcome addition to the offerings available on gender and nonverbal communication. Where many publications are either too academic and dry or purely anecdotal and lacking in empirical support, Nelson offers a rich middle ground. I have been teaching nonverbal communication at the college level for the past few years and am thrilled to offer my students an accessible, practical and fascinating companion book to their textbook. Nelson's move beyond the descriptive (men do 'y' and women do 'x') to more hands on applications of concepts makes the book a worthwhile investment.
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