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Wounded Boys, Heroic Men: Man's Guide to Recovering from Child Abuse [Paperback]

Daniel Jay Sonkin
4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)

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Product details

  • Paperback: 256 pages
  • Publisher: Adams Media Corporation (Sep 1998)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1580620108
  • ISBN-13: 978-1580620109
  • Product Dimensions: 23.4 x 18.5 x 1.9 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 1,008,468 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Product Description


Offers adult male victims of child abuse a procedure for facilitating the recovery process, and suggests ways to break the cycle of violence.

From the Author

Why I wrote this book......
When I wrote my first book, Learning to Live Without Violence: A Handbook for Men, almost twenty years ago, the issue of domestic violence was in it's infancy stages. Advocates were interested in educating the public about this serious social problem. Mental health professionals were focused on developing effective interventions in stoping violence. As I treated many men and women for their violence I came to realized that an important part of the violence recovery process was addressing the effects of childhood abuse.

I initially started writing this book for the man who was struggling to control his violence and who was also needing to heal from his childhood abuse. However, as I spoke to colleagues about my ideas, I discovered that there were many more men who didn't have problems with violence, but nevertheless were silently suffering from the effects of childhood abuse.

Wounnded Boys/Heroic Men is for all men who were abused as children, whether they are recovering from violence, substance abuse, or who simply are not feeling satified with their lives and wanting to overcome whatever lingering effects they are experiencing as a result of the abuse.

I hope you learn as much from reading this book, as I did from writing it.

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Customer Reviews

4.2 out of 5 stars
4.2 out of 5 stars
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
8 of 9 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Words of warning 24 Jan 2006
By A Customer
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
This book certainly is good at delineating the effects of childhood abuse, ie the likely problems around self-esteem, sexuality, trust, anger; the potential issues about wanting to abuse power with children, addiction etc. You can hear yourself saying 'yes' after some paragraphs, however I would want to note a couple of words of warning.
1) It's very american. Nothing wrong with that, but if you are English, the whole thing can sometimes read a bit alien. As a nationality, we are more buttoned down and reserved, not just because of abuse we may have suffered and in an area like this, so personal, the tone can sometimes jar.
2) There is a chapter entitled 'Making Peace with your Abuser.' Do you really want to make peace with your abuser? I found this chapter naieve and it made me angry to read, partly, I'm sure, because I am very angry anyway, but also it felt misguided. Someone who has abused you as a child, particularly in a sexual way, is never someone you want to make peace with.
3) The final chapters talk about spirituality as part of healing. I think that is fine for those who subscribe to spirituality - in its broadest form - but if you don't, then it can feel like you are excluded if you do not subscribe to that world view.
For me, this book is a good starting point to examine the most painful issues, but, by the end, I was quite irritated by its naievety.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A truly wonderful, healing book! 29 May 1999
By A Customer
With so much hurt out there in the world right now, this book has arrived at just the right time.
It is sometimes not an easy book for a survivor to read as it is very revealing. However, as someone who wants to heal it is a great place to start.
The author takes you through identifying your abuse and how it has manifested in you today. The reader is then taken on a journey through healing and, if appropriate, making peace with your abuser. There are also details of how to set up a wounded men's support group and healing resources.
If you were wounded and want to start healing, this book is for you. It should jump out at you... It did for me. Go for it! Start healing!
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4 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A real rarity 1 Dec 2000
By A Customer
Leading you through a series of realisations - which in, any event, you can take at your own pace - this work must be THE resource for those recovering from abuse. It probably doesn't represent a useful source for those with an academic interest as its real strength is in its effortless evocation of those dreaded, dark emotions. One is tempted to say that only those who have suffered would immediately recognise the scenes Sonkin describes. His advice is pitched at just the right level and with just the right degree of encouragement - for even the most cynical. It is sad to reflect that women have a plethora of such books to refer to but us ruffy-tuffies have not. By remaining silent we will only perpetuate the suffering we experienced. My sincerest regret is that this book arrived too late for me to reconcile things with my father! Nevertheless, a real gem.
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4.0 out of 5 stars Excellent book 28 Oct 2012
By jack
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
Difficult, serious topic, very informative and a great resourse book. Perfect to guide healing and self awareness. Would recommend this book
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta)
Amazon.com: 3.9 out of 5 stars  11 reviews
41 of 43 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A must read for men dealing with childhood abuse issue 4 April 2001
By Jerry H Meadows - Published on Amazon.com
I have found this book to be a valuable resource for men dealing with childhood abuse issues. As a survivor, I found most of the literature on abuse to be directed toward women. Sonkin directs this towards men and speaks to the issues men go through. Though not an easy read, I have had many of the issues described thoughtfully and caringly in a way that speaks to me. Many of the thoughts and feelings that I've experienced were laid out in the book, but solutions also offered. If you are just beginning your journey to healing or well along the process, this book can be helpful along the way.
18 of 18 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Clarification to comments by "Ken" 28 July 2006
By Daniel J. Sonkin - Published on Amazon.com
The section of the book that the reviewer is referring to is a quote from a member of my men's group, and not about myself. However, it is important that readers understand that for many different reasons, people are unable to face the realities of their abuse and as a result may inadvertently put loved ones at risk. This is unfortunately an all-to-common consequence of all forms of child maltreatment. It is not constructive to judge their actions in the past, but to help them change for the present and future. What was important for this particular man, was that he did ultimately face his problems and heal not only his own wounds, but his relationship with his son. He struggled for many years and his hard work ultimately paid off. Today, he has a wonderful relationship with his son and his new grandchildren.
32 of 36 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars best self help book ever 5 Sep 2001
By A Customer - Published on Amazon.com
This is a great book. I have found most self help books, and most psychologists, lacking empathy for victims of abuse. I have made many unsuccessful attempts in the past to work through my problems but never made any real progress. Dr. Sonkin breaks the process down into four steps- experiences, feelings, attitudes, and behaviors- which have made it possible for me to understand how to work through it all. And the great empathy he expresses was what allowed me to get beyond the usual andger and alienation I feel toward therapists, who tend to be judgemental and condescending. I went through and did all the exercises and wrote everything down- in particular writing down all the feelings lifted a great burden from me.
If you are suffering from the effects of abuse, find a good therapist and get this book. Life will look a lot better.
14 of 16 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars review of heroic men 25 Oct 2000
By A Customer - Published on Amazon.com
This is a very insightful book into a subject that is greatly ignored. This book can help many men to overcome something that is usually hiden from public view and can help others understand what their men whom have suffered abuse go through.
27 of 34 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Far from the best of its type 26 Oct 2006
By Need to Read - Published on Amazon.com
Of the growing number of books about male sexual abuse, this one rates just mediocre. The author seems to believe that abused men all grow up to be abusive, especially toward women. He ignores female abusers and the special issues of gay men. I'd recommend one of the better books in this area, especially Gartner's Beyond Betrayal or Betrayed as Boys, but also Lew's Victims No Longer and Hunter's Abused Boys. Also, Moran's The Tricky Part is a great memoir
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