Anne Dickson defines assertiveness as the art of clear, honest and direct communication. An assertive approach builds self-esteem and strengthens our ability to make our own choices in life, by helping us to manage the anxiety and stress of communicating in difficult situations. Instead of being governed by the need to either please or blame others, assertiveness teaches us to take responsibility for our own feelings and behaviour. Recommended by psychotherapists, doctors, agony aunts, journalists, teachers and, most importantly, by millions of women all around the world who have been inspired and empowered by this book.
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Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
77 of 78 people found the following review helpful
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
The lower number of stars given by other reviewers appears to be by way of comment on self-help books in general rather than this particular one. I think that is a great shame because it gives a misleading impression of the quality of this book.
The topic is covered thoroughly, addressing all the issues that I had encountered with the problem and alerting me to several more than I hadn't even recognised in myself but once pointed out were clearly present. It then provides an understanding and intelligent account of how and why the issues come about and most importantly, ways to deal with them.
It isn't a book that you can read and the problem is solved. It involves putting the ideas into practice and that takes effort and time. However, even after the first read I felt supported and more confident, just by understanding the problem. It made sense of issues that I had previously spent a long time piecing together and had still not understood and it is clear that the author has a deep understanding of the problem and significant experience in dealing with it.
I have sent copies to most of my close friends as it is so comprehensive as to be useful even to people who are, on the face of it, quite assertive and confident.
I also recommend it equally, despite the title, for men as well as women.
23 of 23 people found the following review helpful
By N. Shelton
Format:Paperback
I had to read this book before attending an assertiveness course at work run by the author
The book and the course inspired me to change my job (not what my employers had in mind by sending me on it I imagine)
move house 200 miles, join a gym and lose 2 stone in weight
and learn to say no which is why i went on the course in 1st place
The book is not a classic introspective self help guide - it helped me to make difficult decisions by better understanding what types of people I surrounded myself with/ was surrounded by and how very differently I was able to deal with different types of people over similar issues. I achieved more consistency in my reactions to people and events and I
other people's positive reactions to this helped consolidate this
READ IT! Men as well as women.
The book and the course inspired me to change my job (not what my employers had in mind by sending me on it I imagine)
move house 200 miles, join a gym and lose 2 stone in weight
and learn to say no which is why i went on the course in 1st place
The book is not a classic introspective self help guide - it helped me to make difficult decisions by better understanding what types of people I surrounded myself with/ was surrounded by and how very differently I was able to deal with different types of people over similar issues. I achieved more consistency in my reactions to people and events and I
other people's positive reactions to this helped consolidate this
READ IT! Men as well as women.
34 of 35 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
I love this book. The author lists 11 basic rights. For some people they might seem self-evident but they weren't in my case and putting them into practice changed my view of being in the world quite profoundly.
The rights are:
I have the right to state my own needs and set my own priorities as a person independent of any roles that I may assume in my life
I have the right to be treated with respect as an intelligent capable and equal human being
I have the right to express my feelings
I have the right to express my opinions and values
I have the right to say "yes" or "no" for myself
I have the right to make mistakes
I have the right to change my mind
I have the right to say I don't understand
I have the right to have the right to ask for what I want
I have the right to decline responsibility for other people's problems
I have the right to deal with others without being dependent on them for approval
In relating to other I can be
Passive - giving up my rights
Aggressive - forcing other to give up their rights
Indirect - manipulating others to get what I want
Assertive - Ensuring that my rights are respected as well as respecting the rights of others
I could quote whole passages from the book but if you only wanted to read one chapter then it would have to be, `Saying No'. In my experience being assertive has helped me state who I am as well as acknowledge differences in others. I find it a "a way of being" that genuinely honours both myself and the other person or group I am dealing with.
The rights are:
I have the right to state my own needs and set my own priorities as a person independent of any roles that I may assume in my life
I have the right to be treated with respect as an intelligent capable and equal human being
I have the right to express my feelings
I have the right to express my opinions and values
I have the right to say "yes" or "no" for myself
I have the right to make mistakes
I have the right to change my mind
I have the right to say I don't understand
I have the right to have the right to ask for what I want
I have the right to decline responsibility for other people's problems
I have the right to deal with others without being dependent on them for approval
In relating to other I can be
Passive - giving up my rights
Aggressive - forcing other to give up their rights
Indirect - manipulating others to get what I want
Assertive - Ensuring that my rights are respected as well as respecting the rights of others
I could quote whole passages from the book but if you only wanted to read one chapter then it would have to be, `Saying No'. In my experience being assertive has helped me state who I am as well as acknowledge differences in others. I find it a "a way of being" that genuinely honours both myself and the other person or group I am dealing with.
67 of 74 people found the following review helpful
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
I couldn't put this book down! My life has changed dramatically since reading it - I now have the respect of peers and family and I can't thank Anne Dickson enough!
This book is written so well that even the most abused doormat of a woman will want to change - all women will see themselves amongst the pages.
This book is written so well that even the most abused doormat of a woman will want to change - all women will see themselves amongst the pages.
12 of 13 people found the following review helpful
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
I was recommended this book when I was attending counselling sessions for depression a few years ago, and found it a geat help.
A few of the author's suggestions seem a little out-dated and take on a rather 80s feminist slant, but aside from that, the book really does have some great, down-to-earth advice. I have already recommended it to countless friends in need of a pick-me-up. Read this book, and take it all in, to get back the self respect that you deserve!
A few of the author's suggestions seem a little out-dated and take on a rather 80s feminist slant, but aside from that, the book really does have some great, down-to-earth advice. I have already recommended it to countless friends in need of a pick-me-up. Read this book, and take it all in, to get back the self respect that you deserve!
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
By John Davison
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
I was lent this book in 2000 by a friend. I bought my own copy this year and re-read it. I have since bought copies for half a dozen friends, mainly, but not exclusively, women.
I do wish this rare gem of an author would write a unisex version. Gay men are going to be willing to give it a try, but probably most straight men will be put off by the title. This is a shame, because this is great stuff, beautifully expressed and relevant to everyone.
I bought the book while feeling pretty good about my own life, but decided I should re-read it before magnaminously sorting out the lives of my friends. How wrong I was. I realised by the last chapter that I had been working quite often in critical mode, subtly pushing people's guilt buttons, and then blaming them when they responded badly.
A very big plus is that, in a field dominated by Americans, this author is English, so she is more reflective, more low-key, and able to appeal to a broad range of people, from the New Age junkie to the sceptical hard-nosed intellectual. There is also nothing here which could conflict with any form of religious faith, or none.
If I have one reservation, it is that in some - not all - of the given examples I feel the assertive person verges on the unfeeling, if not rude. I once worked with a woman in a small department and her response to any request was: "No, I don't want to do that." The impression was a lack of willingness to consider anyone's needs except her own.
Does Anne Dickson get the balance perfectly right between assertiveness and selfishness? Not always. For this reason I give this otherwise brilliant book four stars.
I do wish this rare gem of an author would write a unisex version. Gay men are going to be willing to give it a try, but probably most straight men will be put off by the title. This is a shame, because this is great stuff, beautifully expressed and relevant to everyone.
I bought the book while feeling pretty good about my own life, but decided I should re-read it before magnaminously sorting out the lives of my friends. How wrong I was. I realised by the last chapter that I had been working quite often in critical mode, subtly pushing people's guilt buttons, and then blaming them when they responded badly.
A very big plus is that, in a field dominated by Americans, this author is English, so she is more reflective, more low-key, and able to appeal to a broad range of people, from the New Age junkie to the sceptical hard-nosed intellectual. There is also nothing here which could conflict with any form of religious faith, or none.
If I have one reservation, it is that in some - not all - of the given examples I feel the assertive person verges on the unfeeling, if not rude. I once worked with a woman in a small department and her response to any request was: "No, I don't want to do that." The impression was a lack of willingness to consider anyone's needs except her own.
Does Anne Dickson get the balance perfectly right between assertiveness and selfishness? Not always. For this reason I give this otherwise brilliant book four stars.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars
A well written, common sense approach.
This was written in 1982 and is still totally relevant for the 21st century. It has hepled me to realise that I'm ok and shouldn't be walked over but at the same time it's given me... Read more
Published 13 days ago by Mrs Susan Banks
4.0 out of 5 stars
A Woman in Your Own Right
I would recommend this book to all women, it helps to build confidence and deal with situations you may avoided dealing with. It challenges you.
Published 5 months ago by Julia Belingy
3.0 out of 5 stars
Read the Small Print
Small print and difficult to read. Pages very cheap looking. Content not really what I expected - task set which are common sense - not very helpful for me.
Published 8 months ago by SS
5.0 out of 5 stars
A women in your own right
This book is old but still very relevant in today's world. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book that I couldn't wait to share it with my friend. Read more
Published 10 months ago by K. MOORE
5.0 out of 5 stars
For all women.
Excellent book for woman of all ages and walks of life. I'll definitley read it again sometime in the future(I'm 18). Read more
Published 13 months ago by bookreader7
4.0 out of 5 stars
Satisfied customer
This book was recommended to me by a friend and I am very glad I respected her opinion. A readable, encouraging source of guidance, encouraging self anaysis and reflection.
Published 13 months ago by Jill
5.0 out of 5 stars
insightful
I bought this book out of curiosity mainly.
Currently i am going through the transition from male to female, and i thought it would be a good idea to get inside the mind... Read more
Currently i am going through the transition from male to female, and i thought it would be a good idea to get inside the mind... Read more
Published 15 months ago by Alexandra
4.0 out of 5 stars
Good Read
This book is interesting and perhaps a must for women to read and refer to when necessary. It gives examples of how to handle various situations and gives confidence to all.
Published 15 months ago by Scott
5.0 out of 5 stars
A Woman in your own right.
Knowing this was out of print I was delighted to obtain a copy and for only one penny.
The book is one of the best on assertiveness for wome and I would thoroughly recommend.
The book is one of the best on assertiveness for wome and I would thoroughly recommend.
Published 16 months ago by jenny B, southampton
4.0 out of 5 stars
Great help so far!
So far, ive only read half this book but it has been very helpful so far! I can really relate to what is being said and believe that I can incorporate the helpful examples into my... Read more
Published 22 months ago by Allie
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