Woman First Family Always: Real-Life Wisdom from a Mother of Ten [Hardcover]

I could not buy this book fast enough because I adored the title. The "Family First" mantra has always bothered me because it seems to suggest that mom is not a full-fledged member of the family and that everyone else in the family ought to come first, with mom getting the leftovers. I also loved the opening in which Sansone talks about the ups and downs being the normal cycle of family life. That is such a critically important and underappreciated view of life in our society. I also liked the format of the book -- the little nuggets of wisdom in the three main areas of a woman's life.

So in every way I was predisposed to like this book. But I came away a bit disappointed. I really wanted this mother of 10 to show me the premise in action, to make herself vulnerable and demonstrate that family life has its inevitable high highs and low lows, through which you endure and love one another.

Perhaps I should fault her editor for not demanding more "show than tell." Perhaps Sansone is too private a person to reveal more of the struggle. I wholeheartedly agree with Sansone's message -- that moms should not aim for perfection and that we should take care of ourselves amid the mayhem of modern family life. But the message was not nearly as poignantly told as it could have been, if we understood more of Sansone's family's everyday nuttiness, the mistakes and corrections she makes, and the way she lives and forgives herself for "the normal cycle" of family life.

I picked up this book at full price because I REALLY wanted to love it. (Full price is WAY overpriced.) I didn't see Kathryn on Oprah, but I am fascinated by women who have mega children and have it all together. I wanted to give it 5 stars, but could only justify 3. Here's the good: If Kathryn can handle all those kids, I can handle my 4. Her faith in God is so inspiring and she has many of the same traditional values as I do. I can't complain about not having time to exercise anymore -I just need to look at the picture of her family for inspiration. And the emphasis she places on her marriage has opened my eyes, and makes me want to do the same.

Here's the mediocre: We moms know the importance of children brushing their teeth, showing up to our kids' activities and having dry erase boards for scheduling everything. I can't believe how much of the book is about stuff NO PARENT needs to be told. (I'm sure they are a few exceptions.) Kathryn has to be omitting some major information. She says she leaves the house at 8:00 am, but doesn't say what time she needs to get up to get all those kids ready. What about preparing school lunches the night before. I HATE that job, and I only have 4 kids. My kids go to a private school with school uniforms and I am always making sure there are khaki pants and white shirts ready. She hardly mentions laundry. My teenage son sometimes grows out of pants in a month. She doesn't mention all the shopping that she must do. Unless she DOESN'T do it, or the laundry, or the lunches the night before. Maybe she doesn't load up all the little ones in the car in the morning. Maybe there's a nanny. She barely makes mention of a Boot Camp she runs out of her home, but who's watching the kids then? She claims to run around so many hours of the day in her car. How does she run the Boot Camp then? She tells about when she was voted president of the hospital board of directors. (Why the heck did she have this need?) She was feeling a bit(?) overwhelmed and wasn't sure about this new position. Apparently she got through this quandry by just taking a deep breath and staying positive. Gee, why doesn't that work for me? She also takes a bath each night, belongs to a book club, God knows what else, besides working out each day and having monthly pedicures and manicures. And then there's the bit about her having 10 kids. Whew! How did she write this book? Anyway, good for her. I hope some of her calmness and inspiring ways rub off on me and I do plan on keeping this book around for a reminder that if she can manage (with whatever help she has but doesn't mention), so can I. She seems like a lovely person that I would like to know personally.

This book does have some inspiring advice, to be fair. It's true that we do need to make time for ourselves and have friendships, and sometimes when we get married we forget those things. So I do love that message. But as you continue reading, it becomes a little bit infuriating. It is not humanly possible to accomplish all the tasks in her life and still be a wife and mother. I mean, you do have to make a lot of sacrifices in order to run a household, and she just has so much going on, that it isn't realistically attainable. Here's what I read before closing the book frustrated: She volunteers at hospitals, bakes cookies and sells them, is active in both volleyball and tennis, gets manicures and pedicures, belongs to a book club, wrote a book, goes to the [...] show, goes out with her many girlfriends, drives her kids to and from private school and each of them to and from their separate sporting events and practices, works out in her gym for an hour each day, belongs to the PTA, goes on weekly date nights with her husband, takes care of 2 dogs, 10 kids, a husband, does housework and makes dinner, etc, etc, etc,!! Come on, you must be kidding! I can definitely understand why she says she chose to not breastfeed any of her 10 children. That would have required her to spend time at home!