Wired for Intimacy: How Pornography Hijacks the Male Brain [Paperback]

The pervasiveness of pornography in our culture is obvious and widely discussed. Pornography is primarily marketed to and consumed by men. But why? How does it work? And how can men find freedom? Dr. William Struthers, Associate Professor of Psychology at Wheaton College, has written a very interesting and informative book on how pornography hijacks the male brain and (more importantly) how the very impulses (the drive for intimacy) which propel men toward pornography can lead them out of depravity and into holiness.

The book is divided into two sections: How Pornography Works and Healthy Masculinity and Sexuality. Each section has four chapters. Chapter 1 addresses our culture's saturation with porn. Pornography is hard to define, and therefore hard to legally restrict. Those who produce it claim to be exercising their first amendment rights. Their materials are not harmful, they argue, since all participants are consenting adults. Moreover, they say, you can't prove that porn causes men a host of social, psychological, emotional, and spiritual problems (to say nothing of the problems for women). With the Internet comes access, affordability, and anonymity. In addition, the Internet provides opportunities for communication (chat rooms) and connecting with others (hook up sites). Chapter 2 discusses porn's corruption of intimacy. Rather than sexual intimacy between a husband and wife in a maturing healthy relationship, a man learns to focus on the physiology of sexual sensations detached from any significant relationship. This brings shame, increasing loneliness, and less libido for their wives (or girlfriends). Chapter 3 expands on these consequences. Chapter 4 goes into how a man's brain is wired and how porn use creates neural pathways in a man's brain that train his process of arousal.

The next section begins with a chapter on what it means to be made male in God's image. It interacts with the previous chapter in terms of the brain's healthy or unhealthy sexual development, but in less technical detail than chapter 4. Chapter 6 is on masculinity. Men learn masculinity from an older male figure. Dr. Struthers says the masculine voice affirms, grows as it is challenged, and defends and protects loved ones from evil. Chapter 7 discusses the male need for intimacy, and how many men, by not enjoying appropriate non-sexual intimacy with other male friends, are more susceptible to the allure of porn. Lots of great insight in this chapter on how a man can grow in tenderness and intimacy with his wife and others. Chapter 8 is on rewiring and sanctification. Here is where Dr. Struthers gives specific insight on how "neural pathways can be rewired" so that men's natural drive for intimacy can lead us toward holiness rather than depravity.

With a background and interest in science, the whole idea of the book was interesting. But even if you never were interested in science or the brain, the second half of the book would be very helpful to any man seeking greater sexual holiness. Here's an excerpt from the last chapter:

"Imagine that you could be neurologically "enslaved" to purity rather than porn. Enslaved to seeing the dignity of each individual rather than their utility to you. This is the distinction between the journey toward sanctification and the journey toward depravity. As you travel farther along either road, you pick up momentum and it becomes harder to turn around. The farther down the road you travel, the less opportunity you have to deviate from the road as it narrows. The road to depravity leads into the heart of hell and yields isolation. The road toward sanctification, however, leads into the heart of God and yields freedom from temptation."

What's unique about this book is the emphasis on the physical (brain chemistry) aspects of the addition to porn. But don't assume that Dr. Struthers leaves any room for men to "blame it on their brains." No, he writes, "We are still responsible for our actions...The knowledge that we get from Scripture and science should not be used to deny, justify, rationalize, minimize, normalize or celebrate the exercising of brokenness."

According to the latest numbers I've seen, 53% of Christian men consume pornography and 37% of pastors say it's currently a struggle (stats from [...]). Clearly, according to the numbers, it is a much bigger problem than is being talked about, and being a pastor of a church virtually guarantees that I (and many of our readers) will deal with someone in the cross-section sooner or later. Thus William Struthers has done the entire believing body a service in writing Wired For Intimacy: How pornography hijacks the male brain.

Perhaps the most interesting and helpful information Struthers provides is on the fact that pornography acts on the male brain much like drugs (such as cocaine and heroin) do. Both cause the body to release dopamine and, with repeated use, the body develops a tolerance and needs greater stimulation to get the same dopamine high (thus the law of diminishing returns is equally true of pornography). Just as a path in the forest becomes wider and more defined as more hikers use it, so do the neural pathways with repeated pornography use until, as Struthers puts it, one has created "a neurological superhighway where a man's mental life is over-sexualized and narrowed . . . they become the automatic pathway through which interactions with women are routed".

Struthers, however, resists the temptation to color pornography use in particular and sin in general as simply a problem of the mind. He writes a book that plays to his strengths, but balances his expertise with the proper biblical picture of sin and temptation. While this book is not for everyone (obviously the subject matter is explicit), given the stats cited earlier, I cannot recommend this book enough for every Christian male, especially those in ministry.

Recommended for: Christian men; especially pastors and counselors

This book was a free review copy provided by InterVarsity Press.

Originally posted on my [...] blog

The promise of Wired for Intimacy is that it can speak to the problems of pornography both from a Christian/theological/moral perspective and a neurological/psychological perspective. Some people are drawn more to one type of argument or the other. But I think it is important that there is an attempt at both sides. Without the theological, there is just a pragmatic science. Without the science, it is one person's theological system against another.

The first half of the book progresses from definition of pornography, to the social issues that occur because of pornography, to the neurological effects on the male brain from exposure to pornography. This is the heart of the book. The main issue identified neurologically is the potential for creating sexual triggers that are based more on pornography than a sexual partner. And the earlier a person is introduced to pornography the more likely that sexual response will become dependent on pornography and create sexual dysfunction when sexual response is desired with a human partner.

Sexual response for a male is more complicated than I would have imagined. There are a variety of chemical, hormonal, and other neurological responses that usually occur in the progression of arousal through to orgasm. But when pornography is used, several of the steps are skipped. When the brain becomes used to skipping steps, the ability for a man to have a fuller sexual response becomes limited. (There is a lot of neurological science in the book that I am skipping.)

For readers that are Christians I think that chapter 2 (Corruption of Intimacy) is important. But for readers that are non-Christian (as most of the negative reviews on Amazon indicate) there is a need for a discussion that is based in science but uses more abstracted moral argument that is not based solely in Christianity. Even counselors that are Christians and pastors could use assistance in helping people that may be starting at a different theological point. That being said, as a Christian, the fact that pornography inhibits the ability to hear the Holy Spirit I think is important (but that really only works if pornography is an addiction and the case has to be made scientifically that there is an addiction.)

The second section of the book is about how to move to `sanctification'. This section was useful as a starter, but really is just a start. I think the most useful parts of the second section are when the discussion talks about the difference between being a physically adult male and an emotionally adult man. There is a difference and many articles and books have been written about it, but this is a good summary of the difference but focused around how pornography can be involved in stunting the emotionally development of men.

I have heard many speakers talk about the dangers of pornography, but usually it is abstract moral discussion. The specifics of why pornography (especially when used by teens and young adults) can affect the long term sexual activity, even within a monogamous, otherwise healthy marriage relationship. I think that real and serious discussion of this material should be a part of every church youth group.

The biggest weakness of this book is how it focuses on men. That is an editorial decision and I think is fine. But I wanted much more discussion of the differences between male and female response. Instead, most of it was simply reduced to a description of the male response and then saying women are different, but no real discussion about why.