Will He Really Leave Her for Me?: Understanding Your Situation, Making Decisions for Your Happiness [Paperback]

I am not an advocate of anyone having an affair with a married man but I applaud this book for dealing with these women in a non-judgmental way. Why? Because from a psychological standpoint, it's been proven that harsh reprimanding does not open a person's mind to the harm that they may have caused. Usually being reprimanded and torn down has the opposite effect and the person is spending so much time trying to defend themselves that they will eventually refuse to even admit to any wrongdoing and help fix the situation.

So it is very helpful that Rona Subotnik approaches these woman in a way that is most effective. Through different viewpoints, examples, common sense theories and offers of solutions, the author encourages the woman within the affair to see the situation for what it is - no matter what the situation may be. Because the reader doesn't feel as though she's been told off, she's more likely to absorb the information and make smarter choices in the situations she's in and those she may encounter in the future.

I too have rarely read a book that addresses the other woman and I definitely haven't seen one that

1) Points out that even the other woman may SHARE blame in the infidelity but she is not the sole cause of it. (she does this without letting the other woman completely off the hook and that is a very important factor).

2) Acknowledges that many women do not actively seek married men or seek this kind of situations out. That there's usually a reason why they've fallen or allowed this situation into their lives and how they might be able to identify that so that they can do something about it or replace their needs with a healthier situation.

3) Explains in simple terms that there are only three things that can happen in the situation like this (the affair will end, he'll divorce her and marry the other other woman or they'll continue to stay in a long term relationship without the full benefit of her ever being his wife) and what the repercussions of each of those outcomes might be.

4) Shows a woman how to tell if the man views their affair or relationship as a fling, a serious relationship that will eventually lead to marriage or just a situation he uses to prevent himself from truly being close to his own wife.

5) Addresses the harm that her participation in the affair causes to his family. It also addresses what the the wife is thinking,might be going through and the long-term effects this will have on his kids (if he has any) for years to come and what that might mean for the other woman should she end up with him.

This book also encourages women to take look at themselves and evaluate their own self-worth. Questions are asked throughout the book that one can't help but to think about, take into consideration and possibly spur them into action to in some way change their circumstances based upon what's good for all parties concerned.

The book is also loaded with well-placed examples of everything Ms. Subotnik is trying to convey and I have to say that the MOST powerful observation in the book is when she asks the reader to look at the relationship and notice which gender really loses out.

How fair is it that the WOMEN involved in this triangle end up with HALF OF A MAN while the man is graced with 2 women?

If you're in the situation, this is a must read and be prepared to do a lot of self-evaluation at the end of the book. There's a few exercises for that as well.

As the author of books for women whose husbands have affairs, I was very interested to read a book directed at the "other woman." In a non-judgmental and empathetic way, Rona Subotnik describes the challenges for such women, the price they pay for involvement with a married man, the potential outcomes of the relationship, and how to look at things from the perspective of their lover and his wife. The author injects realism into the fantasy of secret romance. This book is very well written, and will be very helpful to those whom Subotnik has termed "ladies-in-waiting," women who in fact spend years waiting for the happiness that they believe they will find if the man actually leaves his wife for them.

As an avid collector of relationship books aimed at women, I think this one is excellent for its ability to treat women who find themselves in affairs with married men with sensitivity, dignity and respect. It is obvious that popular opinion is against these women, but I find it strange that none of the reviewers here has pointed the finger at the married men, who I think should bear at least half if not more of the responsibility in such situations. Women in affairs often find themselves seduced into them by circumstance, lack of perceived opportunity or lack of self esteem. I say it's high time someone treated these women like human beings instead of lining up to stone them. I think that bashing this book and the women who get involved in affairs is to blame the victims in most cases. Then again, society has been casting the first stone at such women for eons without looking in the mirror or asking who is really responsible for these situations, so this is nothing new, unfortunately.

These women need help sorting out a difficult and heart-wrenching situation that often brings them more unhappiness than happiness in the long run, and hats off to Rona Rubotnik for doing it so well. She understands that an affair can be the result of many complicated factors and that "blame" is not the issue. The correct response is to help people find their way towards happiness, whatever that means for them. The truth is that most women want a full time man who can give them a real relationship, and this book can help them realize that, and that they are most likely barking up the wrong tree if they continue in their affair. Then again, they may not be, and that is the question they seek to resolve by reading this book. And I think it certainly gives them the right questions to ask and points them in the direction of a real self-analysis that can bring them to the resolution they so sorely need.

Affairs have been going on since the existence of marriage, and despite ethical and religious convictions many highly prominent and otherwise decent married men (and women) still engage in them. Why aren't the negative reviewers here bashing them instead of the single women who get involved with them? It's about time someone wrote a book to help the women who end up in these relationships figure out what's best for them. Most women want what is right and this book can help them find it. So I don't agree with the reviewers who bash this book. I would also say that any married man who did leave his wife and married the 'other woman' was not happy in the first place and likely realized that the relationship with his wife was over anyway.

Again, hats off to Rona Subotnik!