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We Will Destroy Your Planet (Dark Osprey) [Paperback]

David McIntee
3.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
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Book Description

11 Nov 2013 Dark Osprey
For over a hundred years, Aliens have been trying to take over the Earth, but every time they have failed, often in the most unlikely ways. Well, no more! We Will Destroy Your Planet offers our future alien overlords all of the information necessary to bring humanity to its knees. Planning for an interstellar, or even intergalactic, conquest is a complex affair, that even races which have mastered faster than light travel might find difficult. This book offers practical, 'how-to' advice on a variety of topics including logistics, environmental factors, and of course human weaknesses. It also goes into the big question of 'why' you want to destroy or enslave the Earth, as this is crucial in determining which strategy and tactics to employ. Once that has been determined, the book follows as step-by-step approach to annihilating human resistance, suggesting the best and worst weapons, and giving guidelines on just how much destruction is optimal. With this book in hand, there is little doubt that humans are now in their last generation as masters of the Earth.

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Product details

  • Paperback: 224 pages
  • Publisher: Osprey (11 Nov 2013)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1782006028
  • ISBN-13: 978-1782006022
  • Product Dimensions: 19.9 x 13.2 x 1.7 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 3.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 439,350 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • See Complete Table of Contents

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Product Description

About the Author

David A McIntee has written many tie-in novels in such franchises as Dr Who, Star Trek, Final Destination and Space 1999. He has also written comics adapting the work of Ray Harryhausen, William Shatner and John Saul. He has been a regular features contributor to many genre media magazines, and has written academic studies about the Aliens and Predator series, Blakes 7, and others. He has also run re-enactment demos of Ancient Egyptian events.

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Customer Reviews

3.0 out of 5 stars
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Funny and packed with info 26 Nov 2013
I had never before realized how much planning would have to go in to an Alien Invasion. Apparently there is a lot of work to be done, and the authors of this book recognize the previous failed attempts of Alien's to invade our planet. Such terrible attempts where they, that the authors have taken it upon themselves to give the aliens a hand so they wouldn't embarrass themselves.

The book is filled with lots of how to's and lots of information on not only our planet but other nearby one's, a chunk of the information I had no clue about at all! It also provides different angles on what to do depending on what you're using to get there....wormholes, starships and so on, not to mention the logistics of the whole thing and an intense debate about whether or not to destroy all the humans.

We Will Destroy Your Planet is a good bit of fun, full of comments to make you laugh, but most importantly, it delivers a lot of information, some that you might not know and some that you might, of the scientific variety mostly, but including some information on the planet and the country's in it as well as previous UFO crashes and the such. There was lots of fun and interesting information to learn.

All of that information is taken and delivered in a concise way, but not losing any of the detail, and explained in an easy to understand way. There is no over complication. The format, and the context of how the information is being delivered makes it more fun to read than say a textbook on the matter. The information is laid out very well and very clearly.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars entertaining but repetitive 3 Mar 2014
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
A very entertaining read written from a different perspective but it is a little repetitive after the initial scope is covered.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Not very good 29 Jan 2014
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
Found it all rather boring.Gave up trying to read it as it was not the type of sci-fi I would normally read.Others may enjoy it but I didn't
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars The title is the best bit 28 Jan 2014
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
Thereafter it gets pretty repetitive, with more factoids about space travel and terretrial geography/geology/zoology etc than humour.

Bit disappointing really
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Amazon.com: 3.5 out of 5 stars  12 reviews
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Handy tips for world domination 19 Nov 2013
By Paul A. Mastin - Published on Amazon.com
No one ever said that conquering or destroying another planet was easy, but it seems it's much harder than I thought. Before any aliens jump into trying to take over the Earth, they would be wise to pick up a copy of David McIntee and Miguel Coimbra's handy book, We Will Destroy Your Planet: An Alien's Guide to Conquering the Earth. I admit, I haven't given a lot of thought to what it would take to conquer Earth, but these guys bring up a ton of useful tips that I would never have considered.

Covering such topics as the initial invasion, combat on the planet itself, and controlling the population of humans (that is, if you choose not to annihilate them right away), the authors bring up helpful information for alien invaders to think about. For instance, and you might have thought of this yourself, "the concealed position and potential availability of water on the far side of the Moon make it a sensible choice for a staging area or observation base, which can remain hidden from the Earth." From that place of hiding you can plan your spaceborne assault, against which the Earth has no defense, lucky for you. "The planet has no energy shielding, no starships, no minefield, and no detection or early warning grid for vessels entering the system," not to mention defense against "incursion from other spatial locations, alternative dimensions, or different eras."

But the initial invasion is only the beginning. Humans are "aggressive and stubborn," and many will not tolerate the aliens. They will attempt to "capture and reverse engineer your vehicles," which cannot be permitted. On the other hand, aliens will need to adapt human vehicles for their own use, as alien vehicles will not naturally be ideal for Earth's varied terrain and atmosphere. The aliens must consider fuel and materials needed, using what is available on Earth rather than bear the expense of transporting it across space.

McIntee and Coimbra have clearly read and watched a wide range of science fiction, some of which is explicitly referred to in the text. Others are cleverly alluded to, allusions of which I am sure I missed many. While I don't realistically see this guide falling into alien hands, as useful as it would be to them, I think it would be even more useful to writers of sci-fi. They cover so many scenarios, in a matter-of-fact, factually based way, that a sci-fi writer would be well-advised to think through the scenarios and case studies laid out here.

There was a sense in which We Will Destroy Your Planet became too much of a good thing, a drawn out joke that took a terrifically clever idea and tried to keep it going for too long. But more than that, I have a lot of respect for the depth to which these guys took the book. It seriously can be a reference book for writers and fans of sci-fi, forcing us to think a little bit more deeply about what we read and see on the screen. Of course, when we start telling our wives and girlfriends, "Now, see, that's not how it would really happen. Didn't they think about this . . . .," they will look at us and say, "It's sci-fi, stupid. This isn't real." And we will nod, confident in the knowledge we have filed away.

Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for the complimentary electronic review copy!
2 of 3 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Sci-Fi Humor 19 Nov 2013
By LibStaff2 - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Kindle Edition
A funny handbook on how to take over the world, from an alien's point of view. The "manual" is put together well. The book includes a fair amount of historical tidbits, scientific facts, and Sci-Fi pop culture info. For Sci-Fi fans with a sense of humor.

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5.0 out of 5 stars battlestations 2 Jun 2014
By krj - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
Great abd funny read. Loved the perspective of anonymity from the storyteller. Very fun to see a unusual way to put in a point of view that you don't know.
3.0 out of 5 stars excessive amount of science 21 May 2014
By Sherry - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
The story starts off with a lot of statistics, I thought I was going to be a dark sci-fi satire. If you are interested in the population, geographic information, weapons, ect. of earth this is the book for you.
4.0 out of 5 stars Good advice for would-be conquerors 18 May 2014
By Amazon Customer - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
An excellent review of the tactics and strategies for conquering/invading/controlling/raiding/destroying Earth. Those who wish to do so ignore this manual at their peril.
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