Hey there, Patriarch here. On this disc we get not just one, but two Arch Hall Jr. movies. Don't pinch me because if I'm dreaming, I don't want to wake up! I'm pushing play now, so without further ado...
Lights, Action, Camera!.....!
(That extra exclamation was because this is a double feature.)
Alright, this is the opening to Wild Guitar and Archie, is riding his motorcycle around. Now the thing about Archie is...he is very strange looking. I'm not trying to put him down, he may be reading this(gimmie some fan-mail if you are Archie!) I don't know if he is ugly or not, I'm a dude after all, but he just looks...strange. Alright he's at Hollywood and vine and Roman's Chinese theatre or something. Awesome shot on location.
Directed by Ray Dennis Steckler. Now that's what I want to see when I'm starting a movie. Now this girl, she plays Archie's love interest, and she's weird looking too! She is pretty, don't get me wrong, just weird looking is all. So they are already a great couple.
Coffee and donut 15 cents. I just realized that your's truly's keyboard does not have a 'cents' sign. I will be sending back this lapped-top. The Review! What the heck am I thinking? Ok. We didn't miss much they were debating a gasoline tax or something. Alright, now like 15 people just said "Spearfish." One after another. This is strange. The girl is looking up at like five feet above her when she speaks to him. He's not a giant! Eegah is the movie that has the giant!
Now he's singing a song and Vicki, his new gal, is looking at him like a confused bird. And what do we have here? Ray Dennis Steckler, in his role as Steak. This movie has it all! Now Archie's like got a record contract and his dad, not his movie dad, his real dad in the role of his manager, is taking advantage of him. Now they're telling him he can't see Vicki, but they've fallen in love already. He decides money is more important then Vicki.
Weird Vicki is now crestfallen because Archie never shows. Archie is playing another song now. Steak is like burning his finger with a lighter. Steak is easily amused. Now Archie is a huge Elvis-like star and Vicki watches him on TV all the time because she still loves him. But now Archie is singing a song about Vicki, to Vicki. This means he still loves her too. What's a gal to do? She runs down to the station where he is being recored. This is cool because Vicki runs like a girl, this is proper because she is a girl after all. If I was a girl I would run like that. But the Patriarch is a dude and therefore has a manly swagger. Uh-oh off track again.
They are reunited. But now that the truth is out about Archie's crooked manager, there is going to be a climax. Not before some romantic-antics(TM) The two ice skate and Archie falls all over the place. The gal that plays Vicki was actually an Olympic figure skater so she is AWESOME. She has nice legs too.
Ok, you don't want the whole movie spoiled for you so that takes care of that. Now onto review #2. The Patriarch doesn't care for the Choppers as much as he does for Wild Guitar, but it is still pretty good and the thrilling climax had your's truly on the edge of his seat. This is like a race-car vandals run from the cops kind of movie. Starring, Arch Hall Jr!
The Choppers are like a gang that dismantles abandoned desert cars and sells the parts. Also, this is Archie's first movie so watch it just because of that. Now this gang is like really professional. They use walkie-talkies and have this whole system worked out. Watching this movie makes me scared. What if someone did this to the Patriarch's Jeep!?
So things are going great for this gang. They are making all kinds of money and hitting on girls. They start flubbing up when Archie falls in love and the cops find them out and things don't go well.
Also included in this disc are some extras. Like drive in movie stuff. You really have to see this one trailer for an Italian movie: Wild Love. You really really have to see Dance Craze. A short subject about well The Twist mostly. It is so random and surreal. Just check it out. It was produced and directed by Bill Rebane. It has the most wild Charleston dance scene. Now the Charleston is the most AWESOME dance ever created and therefore the Patriarch deems it to be the only suitable dance for members of his cHURCH. It is so cool because the gals are swinging thier hips and kicking real high and they do this hunched-over-running-in-place thing that you just gotta see!
Ok Patriarch signing off. I'm doing the Charleston now.