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Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men Paperback – 1 Sep 2003


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Product details

  • Paperback: 432 pages
  • Publisher: Berkley Publishing Group; Reprint edition (1 Sep 2003)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0425191656
  • ISBN-13: 978-0425191651
  • Product Dimensions: 15.5 x 2.4 x 22.8 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (192 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 8,287 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Product Description

About the Author

Lundy Bancroft has spent the last 15 years specializing in abusive men. The author of articles in medical journals and professional books, he is the former co-director of Emerge, the nation's first program for abusive men. Now he trains various state and judicial agencies in working with domestic abuse.

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Customer Reviews

4.9 out of 5 stars

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

257 of 260 people found the following review helpful By "janecraven" on 9 Nov 2005
Format: Paperback
Before I read this book,and after reading several other books on verbal and emotional abuse,I was not sure what was going on in my marraige.After reading this book,I am sure .There is no doubt.I wish I had read this 10 years ago,when i first married.The author portrays several different types of abusive men--my husband is there.Your husband will be too, if you suspect you are being abused in some way.Or,the book will clear up for you whether it is abuse or not.This book is a diamond, a must have read,for any woman who does not understand why her husband acts the way he does.Through understanding the abuser,and his methods, his power over you is gone.He keeps you confused deliberatley,but this book blows that away.Even if you are too scared to take the book home, keep it at a freind's house and read it!!It has changed my life.I feel strong and most of all,clear and certain.There are lots of other books on the subject but this one is unique because it leaves no room for doubt.And to know that what is happening is true and it IS him,not YOU, gives you back your self esteem and hope for the future.Read it and be free from his influence.Look at your husband in his true light.
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75 of 76 people found the following review helpful By Suzie Sun on 6 Feb 2008
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I had been in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship for 9 months when I saw this book and bought it for the following reasons:

My boyfriend managed to isolate me from most of my friends to the point where i was sneaking out of work in my lunch hour to meet them in secret. I had to do this because if I told him I was meeting them he would say bad things about them and cause an unbearable atmosphere. Meeting them after work was not an option because he insisted on picking me up from work every single day (come rain or shine) - I only live a short 10 minute walk from work......

I have very little family anyway, making me a really vulnerable target ...

I was criticized for talking to my friends on the telephone. I had my home line disconnected and only used my mobile phone. Then i was criticized for using this. I kept it switched off most of the time just to stop him from having a go at me for incoming calls and text messages. (But he kept his mobile on 24/7).

He liked to make sure I was at home (whilst he went to the pub and clubs). In his mind I was safe at home and wasnt going to go off with any one else. He knew exactly where I was leaving him free to enjoy nights out.

The verbal abuse was much worse when he was drunk or stoned.

He would ignore me for several hours at a time and then suddenly start calling me 'love' and asking me what was wrong!

He made nasty comments about my figure, hair, personality, saying i have no sense of humour, telling me to 'lighten up' . Always complimenting other women in front of me and making a big show when greeting attractive women he knew. If i so much as mentioned another man he flew into a rage.
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79 of 81 people found the following review helpful By happymumof4 on 4 Jun 2007
Format: Paperback
My mum died in march, 12 hours later my husband walked out leaving me alone with our 4 children aged under 8 ( my dad died a few years ago) -of course it was my fault he left and when i ask him to explain his actions i get the reply "well if you don't know i'm not telling you! i really didn't know which way to turn - having time to think i began to realise that this wasn't the first time he had withdrew emotional support from me . late one friday evening i was looking on amazon for a new book and somehow came across this one - i read the reviews - ordered it and then camoflaged it inside the sleeve of a sophie kinsella book! it just meant that i could read it without the amy of the children seeing what i was reading. Well what i shock i was in for - my god - i now realise exactly what i have been experiencing over the past 10 years. the times i have been left reeling by accusations, orders, put downs etc etc . It is easy to read but hard going - i have cried all the way through it - the realisation of how i have been manipulated and had my confidence shot at.

I am still grieving for my mum but i am getting stronger, i don't know what will come of our marriage - hes still living at his mums ( he wants to know if i am jealous of this!) but what i do know is that i am better than him - i do not use abuse and aggression to make my point. Lundy has made me realise i am not to blame it is not my shame .....
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16 of 16 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on 31 Mar 2006
Format: Paperback
I got this book at a stage where I had very reluctantly accepted that just possibly I may have been abused by my husband for years. What I liked about this book was the simplicity of it. The great thing about this book is to realise that the behaviours are so frequent that they are set out in glorious detail for you to read. The awful thing about this book is to realise how many people live with this type of relationship every day. The book makes it clear that abusers do know what they are doing, contrary to their "I couldn't help myself because.." line of thinking. When you realise that every thing they do is calculated it is a real wake up call. If your partner is abusive, you will find them in this book. You will see their preferred method of manipulation, their strategy for keeping you under their control and their script in the event of you trying to get away. If you are struggling with accepting that your partner may be abusive you should buy this book. If he/she is it will be obvious by the time you finish.
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