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More About the Author
Product Description
Product Description
"He doesn't mean to hurt me-he just loses control."
"He can be sweet and gentle."
"He's scared me a few times, but he never hurts the children-he's a great father."
"He's had a really hard life..."
Women in abusive relationships tell themselves these things every day. Now they can see inside the minds of angry and controlling men-and change their own lives. In this groundbreaking book, a counselor shows how to improve, survive, or leave an abusive relationship, with:
€ The early warning signs
€ Nine abusive personality types
€ How to tell if an abuser can change, is changing, or ever will
€ The role of drugs and alcohol
€ What can be fixed, and what can't
€ How to leave a relationship safely
"He can be sweet and gentle."
"He's scared me a few times, but he never hurts the children-he's a great father."
"He's had a really hard life..."
Women in abusive relationships tell themselves these things every day. Now they can see inside the minds of angry and controlling men-and change their own lives. In this groundbreaking book, a counselor shows how to improve, survive, or leave an abusive relationship, with:
€ The early warning signs
€ Nine abusive personality types
€ How to tell if an abuser can change, is changing, or ever will
€ The role of drugs and alcohol
€ What can be fixed, and what can't
€ How to leave a relationship safely
About the Author
Lundy Bancroft has spent the last 15 years specializing in abusive men. The author of articles in medical journals and professional books, he is the former co-director of Emerge, the nation's first program for abusive men. Now he trains various state and judicial agencies in working with domestic abuse.
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Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
186 of 186 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
Before I read this book,and after reading several other books on verbal and emotional abuse,I was not sure what was going on in my marraige.After reading this book,I am sure .There is no doubt.I wish I had read this 10 years ago,when i first married.The author portrays several different types of abusive men--my husband is there.Your husband will be too, if you suspect you are being abused in some way.Or,the book will clear up for you whether it is abuse or not.This book is a diamond, a must have read,for any woman who does not understand why her husband acts the way he does.Through understanding the abuser,and his methods, his power over you is gone.He keeps you confused deliberatley,but this book blows that away.Even if you are too scared to take the book home, keep it at a freind's house and read it!!It has changed my life.I feel strong and most of all,clear and certain.There are lots of other books on the subject but this one is unique because it leaves no room for doubt.And to know that what is happening is true and it IS him,not YOU, gives you back your self esteem and hope for the future.Read it and be free from his influence.Look at your husband in his true light.
121 of 121 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
This is an excellent book. I wish I had read it 30 years ago - I would have recognised all the warning signs and saved myself a lot of heartache. It is written by a man who is a therapist for abusive men but directed at the women/partners in their lives. You may think a book like that could be dangerous as it may make women think all men are the same. On the contrary, it opens your eyes and you see the various men in your life in a different light - but only through talking to their partners. Men I would never have thought could be abusive are, and those you might think could be, are not.
You might think it would turn you against all men, or that most men are abusers of one kind or another. Again, wrong! In reality through this book, you begin to realise that only a small minority of men are actually abusers although a few more may have the potential to be abusers if allowed. The key is knowing how to deal with them. How to react and interact with them. A potentially abusive man can only become abusive if you let him. With the knowledge this book gives you, you can learn to be strong and independent and how to stand up for yourself and not allow the abuse to start/continue.
I think every woman should read this book whether they are in a relationship, about to begin one or haven't had their first kiss yet! Forearmed is forewarned which can save a lot of unnecessary suffering. Good luck!
74 of 74 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
I got this book at a stage where I had very reluctantly accepted that just possibly I may have been abused by my husband for years. What I liked about this book was the simplicity of it. The great thing about this book is to realise that the behaviours are so frequent that they are set out in glorious detail for you to read. The awful thing about this book is to realise how many people live with this type of relationship every day. The book makes it clear that abusers do know what they are doing, contrary to their "I couldn't help myself because.." line of thinking. When you realise that every thing they do is calculated it is a real wake up call. If your partner is abusive, you will find them in this book. You will see their preferred method of manipulation, their strategy for keeping you under their control and their script in the event of you trying to get away. If you are struggling with accepting that your partner may be abusive you should buy this book. If he/she is it will be obvious by the time you finish.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
Fantastic
This book is absolutely brilliant and really helped me through a very difficult time. Everyone should read it. Thank you Lundy!
Published 24 days ago by Pagney
What every woman needs to stay safe
I wish i had read this book years ago, it would have made my life so different if i'd known then what i know now and would have saved me a lot of heartache and pain. Read more
Published 1 month ago by BeccaJ
Why Does He Do That?
I read this book,in 2008, in desperation and total bewilderment and fear - trying to understand what was going on (and had been for 20 years). Read more
Published 1 month ago by Mrs. S. Williams
Excellent book.
This is by far the best book on domestic abuse I have ever come across and so enlightening for me. Bancroft tackles a difficult subject with writing which is always clear, calm and... Read more
Published 2 months ago by karamac
This book is a MUST read!
I bought this book on the advice of a good friend who was concerned about my relationship after she hadnt seen me for a while. Read more
Published 2 months ago by clints
A very clear insight
I read this book for myself. It makes sense, it explains a hell of a lot. It does give guidance. Obviously it refers to domestic abuse and violence, and it explains it is only... Read more
Published 3 months ago by Bek
Why Does He Do That.
A brilliant book. Full of wisdom. I have worked in the field of domestic abuse for years and I consider this one of the top books on domestic abuse. Read more
Published 3 months ago by S. evans
A MUST read for anyone dealing with abusive men or their partners
I wish I read this years ago, it would have saved me a lot of pain and years of misery and depression. Read more
Published 4 months ago by Oppro
Good explanations and easy to understand
I bought this to replace the copy i leant to someone and never got back. Its a must read for any woman who needs to understand cruel behaviour, It has some very interesting... Read more
Published 5 months ago by Ms. D. Salmons
Highly recommended
I highly recommend this book as the best book on domestic abuse I have read so far; in terms of readability and scope and depth of topics covered. Read more
Published 5 months ago by Jemi
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