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Why Is It Always About You?: The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism [Kindle Edition]

Sandy Hotchkiss , James F. Masterson
4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (15 customer reviews)

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Product Description


Allan N. Schore University of California at Los Angeles School of Medicine Remarkable...a thought-provoking and wide-ranging essay on narcissism, this extremely informative book is based on a solid foundation of very recent advances in our knowledge of early emotional development, personality theory, and neuroscience. Hotchkiss sheds light on an all-too-familiar personality organization that currently characterizes individuals, relationships, and indeed, much of American culture.

Product Description

In this groundbreaking book -- the first popular book on narcissism in more than a decade -- clinical social worker and psychotherapist Sandy Hotchkiss shows you how to cope with controlling, egotistical people who are incapable of the fundamental give-and-take that sustains healthy relationships. Exploring how individuals come to have this shortcoming, why you get drawn into their perilous orbit, and what you can do to break free, Hotchkiss describes the "Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism" and their origins. You will learn to recognize these hallmarks of unhealthy narcissism -- Shamelessness, Magical Thinking, Arrogance, Envy, Entitlement, Exploitation, Bad Boundaries -- and to understand the roles that parenting and culture play in their creation.
Whether the narcissist in question is a coworker, spouse, parent, or child, Why Is It Always About You? provides abundant practical advice for anyone struggling to break narcissism's insidious spread to the next generation, and for anyone who encounters narcissists in everyday life.

Product details

  • Format: Kindle Edition
  • File Size: 319 KB
  • Print Length: 242 pages
  • Page Numbers Source ISBN: 0743214285
  • Publisher: Free Press; 1st updated edition (22 July 2003)
  • Sold by: Amazon Media EU S.à r.l.
  • Language: English
  • Text-to-Speech: Not enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Not Enabled
  • Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (15 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #123,791 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
53 of 55 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Why Is It Always About You? 20 Oct. 2003
This book gave me an insight into Narcissism as a personality trait rather than a mental health disorder. As a student of Psychotherapy, I was frustrated with the DSM 1V classification, I wanted to be able to understand the grey areas. This book, for me, has opened up those fuzzier areas of Narcissism. The book is easily understood, written with a simplicity that is easy to grasp for any level reader. It covers aspects of social teaching, relationships, child development and a guide to personal Narcissism, it also gave me an awareness of other peoples Narcissism and how to deal with events and situations in everyday life. I really enjoyed this book, from a personal perspective as well as a professional viewpoint, it has helped me open up the complex world of Narcissism.
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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Essential reading 20 Jun. 2011
By jennyb
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
I had read articles about narcessism and wanted a book to keep on my shelf and refer to for further understanding. The reviews on this were good. I wasn't disappointed. I had read another book by a different author called 'behind the mask' which I felt had a good section on how and why to defend yourself from a narcessist, but that book focused mostly on the work setting. This book was not esp 'work setting orientated' and although recommends not to involve yourself with a narcessist if you can help it, didn't explain quite as well to me how and why to defend yourself so vigoursly as the work orientated 'behind the mask' book. If you have a partner, ex, family member who you think has narcessism, I would recommend this book. It describes the 7 deadly sins, ie shamelessness, bad boundaries, entitlement etc which are so helpful when trying to understand what is going on with a narcessist and why it is all about them.
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15 of 16 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
I only wish I had access to this book 20 years ago. What a lament!
I found this book easy to understand, it helped me to come to terms with my marriage and certain members of my family.
Because I am aware of their problem I am better able to deal with it.
This book has helped me put some closure on the sadness I experienced during my marriage.
I would personally like to thank the author of this book.
I like her clarity of thought.
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24 of 27 people found the following review helpful
By Mansel
Much of what Hotchkiss writes rings true, thus providing an important sanity check as I try to understand a marriage that has been damaging to both us, as spouses, and to our young children.

This said, the book relies heavily on generalities and stylized 'just so' stories, including one about a fictional lion and two kittens. While such stories may effectively illustrate truths, they do seem a bit flip: to understand how to wisely interact with my narcissistic spouse in a family home turned battlefield, I need more than this.

The book's reliance on a particular psychoanalytic tradition also contributes to this facile feel: to what extent are interpretations presented due to their consistency with that theoretical background rather than for their basis in evidence?

What I find myself looking for now are specific coping strategies: e.g. how do I not get sucked in to a fight when I am goaded? Shall I continue to try to be open to my spouse by sharing a bed even if my bedtime is never respected, leading to constant fatigue? How can I deal with serially forgotten promises? Should 'embracing reality' include speaking honestly to my spouse about narcissism (e.g. what to do if a narcissist discovers this book)? How can I protect our children from narcissism when my spouse constantly invades our time together? At this tactical level, the book is silent.

Admittedly, these weaknesses may be typical of the genre, and perhaps too much to hope for in any book. For those looking for a readable introduction to narcissism, though, this book can be recommended.
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Interesting 10 Jan. 2012
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
This book is very interesting. It is fairly comprehensive and yet easy to read. I am also buying Toxic Parents (its on its way) to explore the subject of narcissistic parents a bit more.
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61 of 71 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Too Judgemental 28 Mar. 2005
If you're a student of psychotherapy I expect this book would be very helpful, it's easy to read and understand and has some great case examples to help understand how narcissism 'works' in real life. You will also be better equipped to make your own mind up about its style.
Sadly I felt that it could be very unhelpful if you have to personally cope with a narcissist or if you have narcissistic problems your self that you want to deal with. There is a judgemental tone throughout the book that if mirrored in contact with a narcissist I believe is likely to be highly counterproductive.
In the chapter 19 "Narcissism and Society" we get a clue that this tone may resonate from the writers conviction that narcissism is raging in society due to lack of respect for "...religions that are based on the authority of God...". Perhaps we all need to be a bit more judgemental and the narcissists will all fall in line? If only it were that simple...
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38 of 46 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Guide to Survival 24 Nov. 2003
The literature about narcissism is rich in scholarly, obstruse, discussions of psychodynamics, etiology, differential diagnoses and other unhelpful issues.It is poor in down-to-earth, practical, "how to cope" manuals. This book contains a rudimentary overview of pathological narcissism and then proceeds to identify the traits and dysfunctional behaviors of the narcissist - replete with hundreds of examples from the author's mental health practice. It then proceeds to provide check lists,tips, and advice on how to cope with this destructive and perniciousphenomenon. Along needed and long missing work.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars great book
A great help. Helps you realise you are not going mad. You will find that as you read the book life you will realise living with someone with narcisstic behaviour follows a... Read more
Published 25 days ago by amanda patterson-gregory
5.0 out of 5 stars Absolutely perfect for what needed
Absolutely perfect for what needed. It has helped me overcome and understand my issues and why I had them. Advice - avoid having a Narcissist for a mother!!!!!!!
Published 3 months ago by dandelion
4.0 out of 5 stars Four Stars
Published 3 months ago by Amazon Customer
4.0 out of 5 stars Four Stars
Interesting as anticipated
Published 4 months ago by Brigid Leworthy
5.0 out of 5 stars surprising
I was able to relate to a case in many chapters. Not all, as it does not apply.But has shed light on the subject that I would never had understood without reading this book. Read more
Published 9 months ago by sandra harris
4.0 out of 5 stars Enlightening
The book helped me to realise why my husband behaves as he does, after 18 years of coping with what i thought was depression i now realise, his problems are much deeper and that i... Read more
Published on 2 Nov. 2012 by nap770
5.0 out of 5 stars All I needed to know.
After years of being used by false friends I began to research the subject of Narcissism and bought Dark souls,Sam Vadkin,Emotional vampires and this book why is it all about... Read more
Published on 24 Aug. 2012 by jeffrey
1.0 out of 5 stars UNIMPRESSED
I did not like this book at all, in fact, it's the worst book I've read on the subject of narcissism. I was bored out of my mind with the author's 'just so' stories. Read more
Published on 22 Mar. 2012 by Grace
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