- Hardcover
- Publisher: Dial Press (1975)
- ISBN-10: 0803759916
- ISBN-13: 978-0803759916
- Product Dimensions: 22.9 x 15.7 x 2.8 cm
- Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars See all reviews (27 customer reviews)
- Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 540,446 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
When I Say No, I Feel Guilty
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Inside This Book
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First Sentence
Almost twenty years ago, in college just after being discharged from the army, I met an honest, gutsy man. Read the first page
Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt
Almost twenty years ago, in college just after being discharged from the army, I met an honest, gutsy man. Read the first page
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Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt
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Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
62 of 64 people found the following review helpful
Format:Mass Market Paperback
Many years have passed since I first bought and read Dr. Smith's revolutionary book. I have never found any techniques so universally applicable for dealing with people who don't care about fairness or my feelings. I have successfully used the broken record and fogging techniques to deal with manipulative relatives who want to tell me what to do "to help me" and self-disclosure and the broken record to convince store employees to accept back defective merchandise even if their store policy "doesn't allow" them to do this! This book taught me how to stand up for myself and stop trying to solve everyone else's problems (the store's agreement with a manufacturer or distributor)and focus on getting what I have paid for. I am smiling as I write this because I have just returned from a trip to a major toy retailer whose store manager refused to take back a defective stroller "because you don't have the box." Needless to say, after using Dr. Smith's methods, the manager gave me full credit on my credit card within fifteen minutes. I never needed to become unpleasant or raise my voice. Dr. Smith should be cannonized by the "doormats" of the world. You will be doing yourself a favor if you buy this book!
14 of 14 people found the following review helpful
Format:Mass Market Paperback
I read and then studied this book over 20 years ago. Since then I have looked at similar works that are more complex sometimes using more oblique terms and concepts. This remains in my humble opinion the most useful and practical work on improving a person's ability to effectively communicate and cope with others at all ages in life.
As a means of lessening anxiety in social situations this work if practiced and made part of your way of behaving will greatly improve your ability to get along with people.
Even if your a confident, mostly non anxious person, an indepth study of this work with a lot of practice will bring an even greater sense of being able to cope with most social situations.
It covers all aspects of conflict resolution in peer groups, be it with family, friends, fellow workers, between kids, between you and your kids.
It shows you how to do what you want, if not all the time, then at least some of the time no matter who are dealing with or what the situation may be.
It is not about control as you can't control anyone without bullying. It is about confidently using your human ability to cope and adapt and ultimately to verbally communicate with other people in an effective way that leaves you feeling and knowing you were not manipulated emotionally or bullied.
Remember this is about social, mostly civilized situations, not for when dealing with nutters or muggers.
As a means of lessening anxiety in social situations this work if practiced and made part of your way of behaving will greatly improve your ability to get along with people.
Even if your a confident, mostly non anxious person, an indepth study of this work with a lot of practice will bring an even greater sense of being able to cope with most social situations.
It covers all aspects of conflict resolution in peer groups, be it with family, friends, fellow workers, between kids, between you and your kids.
It shows you how to do what you want, if not all the time, then at least some of the time no matter who are dealing with or what the situation may be.
It is not about control as you can't control anyone without bullying. It is about confidently using your human ability to cope and adapt and ultimately to verbally communicate with other people in an effective way that leaves you feeling and knowing you were not manipulated emotionally or bullied.
Remember this is about social, mostly civilized situations, not for when dealing with nutters or muggers.
25 of 26 people found the following review helpful
Format:Mass Market Paperback
This books gave me a completely different prospective on communicating with other people. In a moment in my life when I was desperate to rise to the heights of sophisticated office politics and "fit" into them I learned that there are other ways to realise my goals and achieve what I want - and a better and simpler. This book is about being assertive, non-manipulative and not allowing to be manipulated either. Once you understand the concept it is brilliant and simple - and applies universally in all life situations. Although I thought that some of the examples of personal liberty provided by the author were somewhat extreme - this only proves the point of the book about not doing what you "should", i.e. don't take it as a literate instruction how to solve your problems.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
When I sy no, I feel guilty
Very helpful way of looking at root causes of lack of assertiveness
coupled with insightful, simple to understand and easy to practice techniques
to combat this failing... Read more
coupled with insightful, simple to understand and easy to practice techniques
to combat this failing... Read more
Published 1 month ago by Short Journey long
Contents are good but the book looks bad
I purchased this book as a gift. It said paperback, but I did not expect it to look as bad as it does. Read more
Published 8 months ago by TK
good stuff
It's wordy and a little dated in format but the content is spot on. If you've got problems handling someone then read this book.
Published 8 months ago by dragonara
Brillient as always
As alway brillient service. If you need anything get onto Amazon you will not be dispoited. Would recommend this seller.
Published 12 months ago by Cathie
I should give it 10 stars
I work as a substitute teacher (perhaps a good Freudian would say I have a death wish!) :) I enjoy the work, but as you can guess, I get a lot of backtalk from students. Read more
Published 18 months ago by L. L Teuling
Wonderful book - wish I had read it 20 years ago
This is an excellent book and very, very inspiring and very practical with a lots and lots of useful examples of how the techniques can be used. Read more
Published 20 months ago by Rob Smith
Great book that struck home
This is a great assertiveness training book. Very clear, non-nonsense advice that I've taken to heart and am now getting used to as a means of being authentic in myself. Read more
Published 23 months ago by itdoesdoesntit
Read this book!
Try to overlook the down-market cover, and be prepared (if you're a Brit) to translate the rather American dialogues into something a bit more British - if you can achieve that,... Read more
Published on 28 May 2010 by A. L. Johnson
Classic assertiveness training manual
Take a trip back to the 1970s, when leisure suits, long sideburns and "assertiveness training" were all the rage. Psychologist Manuel J. Read more
Published on 11 Aug 2009 by Rolf Dobelli
absolute nonsense
this book is complete tripe.
it claims men withdraw from women sexually, which is totally unfair and the theories and ideas in it are near impossible to test out as... Read more
it claims men withdraw from women sexually, which is totally unfair and the theories and ideas in it are near impossible to test out as... Read more
Published on 28 April 2009 by T. E. Roberts
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