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When You and Your Mother Can't be Friends [Paperback]

Victoria Secunda
4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (19 customer reviews)
RRP: £10.99
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Book Description

1990
For many adult daughters, there is something about the painful mother-daughter relationship that can linger with punishing tenacity. Bright, sensitive, competent women can be haunted by their childhood memories - and find to their horror that they replay, possibly in a different way, the relationship in bringing up their own daughters. Based on extensive research and interviews, this book aims to show how daughters can understand - and resolve - what is perhaps the most complicated relationship of their lives.
--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Frequently Bought Together

When You and Your Mother Can't be Friends + Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers + Toxic Parents; Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life
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Product details

  • Paperback: 406 pages
  • Publisher: Bantam Doubleday Dell Publishing Group; Reprint edition (1990)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0385304234
  • ISBN-13: 978-0385304238
  • Product Dimensions: 15.7 x 2.5 x 23.2 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (19 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 65,978 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • See Complete Table of Contents

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Inside This Book (Learn More)
First Sentence
Few comments strike as much terror in the female heart, or more rapidly raise a lovers' tiff to the boiling point, than the comment "You're getting more like your mother every day." Read the first page
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Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Index
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
139 of 141 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This book changed my life really! 15 Jun 1999
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
This book helped me regain my sanity. My mother for lack of a better word is a self-proclaimed matyr and I felt guilty since I can remember for ever making her the least bit uncomfortable, my sister did too. This book helped me realize that just because someone is a mother doesn't make them a good parent and that there are others like me. It takes you through your family's history and helps you to understand why mom may be the way she is and what you can do to deal with (or chose not to deal with) that relationship.

I was on the verge of never speaking to my mother or her side of the family again, but this book turned it around and now although I doubt we will ever be like a TV 50s family, I can talk to my mom and she appears to listen to what I say.

I highly recommend this book if you are feeling the least bit guilty about what you feel about dear old mom, want to cut her out of your life, or just want to understand why you and your mom have little to nothing in common.

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34 of 34 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A very informative Best Friend! 27 July 2007
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
If you have been sending SOS signals to all your friends and family about your relationship with your mother then this is the book for you! Whether it is just an irritation or a completely Life-ruining distress, this book is an easy-to-read but very informative Best Friend!

No-one is trained to be a mother and so many women wind up with an emotional responsibility that they are simply not able to deal with and don't know why. Many are still overwhelmed with unfinished business from their own childhoods. This book does not make excuses for bad mothers but nor does it condemn, it really helps to find solutions. Even for those of us for whom there are no solutions, understanding helps to come to terms with it.

You may feel as I did at first that the book seems too simplistic in its approach but don't be deceived! As I persisted I found that I was wrong. It is extremely profound and exacting and Victoria Secunda has drawn on the expertise and experience of a number of brilliant specialists in their fields. Honestly, I think that this is one of the truly great, ground-breaking, self-help books, right up there with "Toxic Parents" by Dr Susan Forward and "Women Who Love Too Much" by Dr Robin Norwood. It is not only fascinating in its own right as a good read but could dispel those endless, sleepless, weepy nights and save you a fortune in counsellors!
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99 of 101 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Every Child Should Have A Copy! 25 Oct 2002
Format:Paperback
This book is quite simply life-changing.

Forget weighty psycholgy tomes with their dry identification of signs and symptoms of labelled personality "disorders" of parents and children, read this and find out how these wretched behaviour patterns were set up in the first place.

Incredibly illuminating, compassionate and sensible, this is a must for any daughter who feels misunderstood, embittered, angered, or simply saddened by their relationship with their mother. Or their father, for that matter. Very, very helpful stuff.

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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars I found this book to be very inspirational, and that is an...
My mother used to be very emotionally abusive and as such, I found this book to be of great interest to myself. Read more
Published 1 month ago by Alex Gadd
3.0 out of 5 stars Not for me
I thought the book would contain tips on how to improve my relationship with my daughter. It is not written from the mother's view but would be OK I guess for daughters to read. Read more
Published 2 months ago by Grandma
5.0 out of 5 stars Saved My Sanity!!
At the point I bought this book, I had what could be lightly defined as a 'fractious' relationship with my mother (hurling my phone at the wall after every conversation in sheer... Read more
Published 2 months ago by Vikki
3.0 out of 5 stars everyone's unique
I was fortunate to have one of the best mums in the world. I bought the book as i have a friend who is distant from her mum and have a son that is distant from me. Read more
Published 3 months ago by Mrs. Gillian F. Veale
4.0 out of 5 stars Informative but sometimes a bit boring
Having read that book i was able to ascertain my mum was a critic and a smotherer. The book tells lots of individual stories and sets out the types of personalities that mothers... Read more
Published 13 months ago by Louise
5.0 out of 5 stars A positive way forwards
Intelligent, empathetic and so incredibly helpful. When I picked up this book, I had realised a lots of the damage from my past, and I was looking to hear some similar stories,... Read more
Published 13 months ago by Sally Winter
1.0 out of 5 stars Not an easy read
This book had loads of great reviews that encouraged me to purchase. I was looking forward to some clarity about my relational problems with my mother, and possibly some advice /... Read more
Published 22 months ago by J. Swainson
5.0 out of 5 stars If you have mother troubles - definitely read this
This book was incredibly illuminating. I had decided never to speak with my mother again but after reading this book I realised there were other options. Read more
Published on 1 Jan 2010 by K. Latimer
3.0 out of 5 stars Didn't do it for me
I bought this book after I'd read 'My Mother My Self' by Nancy Friday (1977). I was looking for a more modern approach to the same subject matter. Read more
Published on 15 Aug 2009 by Heather Sanderson
5.0 out of 5 stars At last a Positive Approach
I had previously purchased 2 other books on the subject of Mother/ Daughter abusive relationships. I found them both labelling the abuser, however with this book there was none of... Read more
Published on 3 Jun 2009 by M. A. L. Pike
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