A trail around the clubs, pubs, functions, and shows of the UK exploring those crazy folk bent on entertaining us.
When Will I Be Famous?
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Review
A warm, funny and affectionate journey into the chilly backwoods of celebrity, a world I fear Martin Kelner knows only too well. -- Jon Ronson
Anarchic -- Gillian Reynolds, Daily Telegraph
Painfully Funny -- Dave Gorman
few were aware that Martin Kelner was the greatest chronicler of the age but here's the proof. -- Maxim, July, Book of the Month
hilarious dissection of the UK fame game . . . a savagely ridiculous book -- Maxim, July, Book of the Month
Anarchic -- Gillian Reynolds, Daily Telegraph
Painfully Funny -- Dave Gorman
few were aware that Martin Kelner was the greatest chronicler of the age but here's the proof. -- Maxim, July, Book of the Month
hilarious dissection of the UK fame game . . . a savagely ridiculous book -- Maxim, July, Book of the Month
From the Author
My publishers, BBC Worldwide, have suggested I comment on my own book. My view is that this makes me appear to be what my children would describe as 'sad', and I should probably call 'desperate'. But, as the BBC's publicity department is busting its ass to promote me as 'exciting new talent', I feel the least I can do is comply. After all, it is very rare for a white middle-class male like me, over 50, ever to be described as any of those things, especially exciting.
Maybe if I had spent 30 years in prison, or had written the book with a ball-point pen inserted into my left nostril after suffering total paralysis in a landmine explosion in Laos, the world would forgive me for being middle-aged and comfortable. Sadly, though, the only thing inserted into my nostril during the composition of my award-winning book was my finger, surreptitiously, at traffic lights. Not very wholesome, I confess, but if the professional footballer Maradonna had followed my lead he might have saved himself a lot of trouble.
As far as the book is concerned, there are, by my reckoning, at least five half-decent jokes in it, and the fun for you, the reader, will be in scouring the 200-odd pages to try and identify them. Where else is such fun on offer for less than the price of a pint in Copenhagen? It's not likely to be made into a film so you might as well buy the book.
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Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
why have I not heard more about this book? I came across it entirely by chance via the Chortle web-site as I am a comedy booker in Birmingham and got the impression the book covered new comedy acts. It doesn't, as it happens, but the small-time acts it does cover are brilliantly captured. I enjoyed the travel element too, especially the chapter about Scarborough, where I spent childhood holidays. All in all, an exceptionally funny book.
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
Loved the book. I was the Blonde one in the Abbagirls and the memory of all those wonderful gigs (and the blue eyeshadow) is now forever in print! It was great to compare our lives on the road to that of Sticky Vicky!!! Very funny and very real. If you're in the entertainments business you MUST read this book.
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
By tom bowman
Format:Paperback
I work in show business, occasionally busking - last summer in Copenhagen - and am currently playing guitar in a Rolling Stones tribute band, so I have something of an insight into show biz, and Kelner gets it spot on, absolutely spot on. I would love to meet some of the characters in his book and share experiences. A fine book, which I enjoyed reading immensely.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
4.0 out of 5 stars
Not as good as the song....
A detailed telling of the story behind the Bros song When Will I Be Famous came about. Some extraordinary stuff in here that even the most ardent of fan is unlikely to know.
Published 1 month ago by Hazy
3.0 out of 5 stars
Bought as a gift
As before, see previous comment re Sit down and Cheer, Bought for husband after hearing a recommendation of authors other works.
Published 2 months ago by Samsgrandma
5.0 out of 5 stars
Human and interesting
I've been a fan of Martin Kelner since I started listening to hid "Dora Dale" radio broadcasts.
This book is as funny, but more human, than the Dora Dale series.
This book is as funny, but more human, than the Dora Dale series.
Published 10 months ago by Ransen Owen
5.0 out of 5 stars
We are all trying to get to the front of the elephant
We are all trying to get to the front of the elephant
He starts with a joke about someone whose job is to clear up after the circus elephant and as a result has no... Read more
He starts with a joke about someone whose job is to clear up after the circus elephant and as a result has no... Read more
Published on 6 Dec 2009 by Peter Wade
5.0 out of 5 stars
rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrravens
AAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAA look matan its dowws ravens again non
Published on 14 Aug 2005 by kieran whitehouse
5.0 out of 5 stars
A very accurate view in to the other side of show biz
As an entertainer and booker of over 30 years (man and boy!) I found this book after looking on the Abbagirls web site. Read more
Published on 29 Dec 2004 by John Moore
5.0 out of 5 stars
a terrific read
I really enjoyed this book. I am afraid I was not aware of the author until I read about the book on the Abbagirls web-site, but I shall seek out his other work. Read more
Published on 12 Dec 2003 by clare larkworthy
1.0 out of 5 stars
cheap laughs
A truly unpleasant book, I thought, that tries to camouflage the author's bile by hiding it in a gag heavy format. Read more
Published on 31 Oct 2003 by graham moore
5.0 out of 5 stars
A Sardonic Peek Into The Showbiz Twilight Zone
The author presents a glimpse into the nether regions of showbiz, that twilight zone where the also-rans dream of a success that will never come. Read more
Published on 15 Oct 2003 by John G. Sutton
5.0 out of 5 stars
an abundance of charm and affection
I found this book quite captivating. I was familiar with the writer from his column in The Guardian, and already a fan, despite not being too keen on sport (it was my husband, a... Read more
Published on 27 Sep 2003
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