When Hope is Not Enough
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Product Description
Does someone you love have Borderline Personality Disorder? Are you in a relationship with a difficult person? Does this person rage at you for no reason at all? Is everything always YOUR fault? Do you feel lied to and manipulated? Do you believe that there is nowhere to turn? When Hope is Not Enough (WHINE) is here to help. WHINE provides a step-by-step plan for dealing with people with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) or BPD traits. WHINE can help rebuild your relationship and help you create a calmer life. Learn how to live with and love someone with BPD.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
12 of 12 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
I'm currently reading the book 'The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder' by Randi Kreger. This is the first book I've read on the subject & I'm finding it really helpful.
I started to research other books and found the one I'm 'reviewing' on the US Amazon website. There are lots of reviews of the book there and it made me decide to buy it as the reviews are very positive.
So, if you want to read reviews before you buy this book, have a look on the American site.
I've now read the book! Just this minute finished reading it in fact. I have found it so very very helpful, not just with the tools Bon Dobbs gives you for improving your relationship with your BP loved one, but for improving their experience of life. It's a book for being a kinder, more understanding, more enlightened person in all relationships I think.
The first book I read by Randi Kreger (mentioned above) was more about looking after yourself when in a relationship with a BP. Bon Dobbs' book is about looking after them too. He says "a BP's brain is working against them by upsetting the emotional regulation system. It is impossible for a BP NOT to feel those emotions. The emotions are not right or wrong, they just ARE. It is the behaviours that arise from the emotions that can be changed, and that is where we will focus our attention."
The book is very practical and very intelligently and insightfully written, based on years of experience of living with 2 family memebers with BP (wife & young daughter). I am so grateful to the author for so generously sharing his experiences and the ways he's found to improve life for his wife, daughter, the rest of the family & himself.
I have learned so much about why my own loved one developed BPD in the first place and what I can now do to help alleviate some of the suffering that goes with this condition.
The title 'When Hope is Not Enough' sounds a bit bleak, but what the book has given me IS huge hope! I now very clearly understand that my loved one needs validation of their feelings. The author has shown me that validating their feelings in no way compromises my own core value of acting with integrity - rather, it will enhance it.
I started to research other books and found the one I'm 'reviewing' on the US Amazon website. There are lots of reviews of the book there and it made me decide to buy it as the reviews are very positive.
So, if you want to read reviews before you buy this book, have a look on the American site.
I've now read the book! Just this minute finished reading it in fact. I have found it so very very helpful, not just with the tools Bon Dobbs gives you for improving your relationship with your BP loved one, but for improving their experience of life. It's a book for being a kinder, more understanding, more enlightened person in all relationships I think.
The first book I read by Randi Kreger (mentioned above) was more about looking after yourself when in a relationship with a BP. Bon Dobbs' book is about looking after them too. He says "a BP's brain is working against them by upsetting the emotional regulation system. It is impossible for a BP NOT to feel those emotions. The emotions are not right or wrong, they just ARE. It is the behaviours that arise from the emotions that can be changed, and that is where we will focus our attention."
The book is very practical and very intelligently and insightfully written, based on years of experience of living with 2 family memebers with BP (wife & young daughter). I am so grateful to the author for so generously sharing his experiences and the ways he's found to improve life for his wife, daughter, the rest of the family & himself.
I have learned so much about why my own loved one developed BPD in the first place and what I can now do to help alleviate some of the suffering that goes with this condition.
The title 'When Hope is Not Enough' sounds a bit bleak, but what the book has given me IS huge hope! I now very clearly understand that my loved one needs validation of their feelings. The author has shown me that validating their feelings in no way compromises my own core value of acting with integrity - rather, it will enhance it.
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
This book could not have found its way into my life at a better time. Three weeks into the realisation that my partner of two years had signs of bpd I found this book and Bon's internet support group (ATSTP). Since that time (now two months on) I have learnt how to look after myself, how to communicate and most of all have found the right time to talk to him about his brain and his behaviour. Last night he apologised to me and his ex and can finally "see" what we have been trying to tell him. It's a great step- one of many I hope.
We would not be in this place without this book- which does require work on the part of the reader- the non-bpd. Its not "hard" work its a relearning, a letting go of ideas of right and wrong and an acceptance of the bpd traits. That's not to say you agree with them or like them- they are what they are- stratagies to cope.
It is worth saying that this book is not just for those with a diagnosis of bpd but I would say for all our relationships.
I have learnt so much from Bon and I thought I had no need to learn more!
I also practice the skills that Marshall Rosenberg has taught me and these are also invaluable. Nonviolent Communication: a Language of Life
I view the work that Bon has done and his generous gifts to the world as vital. With these teachings we can bring about so much more internal peace to ourselves and to those we live with. If you buy this book and find it does not work for you- I would suggest getting help and support for yourself and your grief/ sense of loss about your situation first- then you will be able to see the human being behind the diagnosis. You will then be able to put Bon's tools into practice ...and things will shift. Although maybe not in the way you expect or hope them to.. letting go of your plans is part of the work.. but things will change.
We would not be in this place without this book- which does require work on the part of the reader- the non-bpd. Its not "hard" work its a relearning, a letting go of ideas of right and wrong and an acceptance of the bpd traits. That's not to say you agree with them or like them- they are what they are- stratagies to cope.
It is worth saying that this book is not just for those with a diagnosis of bpd but I would say for all our relationships.
I have learnt so much from Bon and I thought I had no need to learn more!
I also practice the skills that Marshall Rosenberg has taught me and these are also invaluable. Nonviolent Communication: a Language of Life
I view the work that Bon has done and his generous gifts to the world as vital. With these teachings we can bring about so much more internal peace to ourselves and to those we live with. If you buy this book and find it does not work for you- I would suggest getting help and support for yourself and your grief/ sense of loss about your situation first- then you will be able to see the human being behind the diagnosis. You will then be able to put Bon's tools into practice ...and things will shift. Although maybe not in the way you expect or hope them to.. letting go of your plans is part of the work.. but things will change.
Format:Kindle Edition
stumbled across this book when I was looking for a way to support my daughter and help our family cope with the stress of dealing with her BPD. It has given me a real insight into her condition. This book could have been written about her. I can't recommend it enough.
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